I just can't cope anymore. Any advice?

Hi all. I am a 44 year old single male from London. I live with my father who is now 83 and was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2013. I lost my mother in 2012. My parents were divored since 1977 when I was just 2 years old My father had custody of me. I was brought up away from home in a boarding school from the age of 8 which made the relationship with my father very difficult. He is a very stubborn difficult man and as the years have progressed he has got worse and worse. He sits all day doing nothing. He smokes 30 cigarettes per day, is miserable and has no family or friends around him. Even I hate being in the same room as him as there is nothing to talk about.

I work full time in an office and I usually sit with him for 1 hr. after work Monday to Friday. Its often just silence or arguments. He drives me mad. He wont accept help. Doesn't want to go into care and he makes my life hell. I have often wished him dead. I feel bad wishing that but he has hurt me a lot over the years. He is very demanding and has no respect for me. He thinks because he owns the house that he can do what he likes and in some respects he can but if I had a pound for every time he has told me to leave the house I would be a very rich man. When he doesn't get his way he is often quick to say go find somewhere else to live. He wont even watch tv. He has no interest in anything. All he does is annoy me. Its like he lives just to annoy me . His dementia is very bad and I could go on and on with examples of his behaviour but it would just be loads to read. He doesn't appreciate anything I do for him.

I'm all he has and he treats me like a piece of dirt on his shoe. He tells me now that he wishes he never had me. Can you imagine how that makes me feel? I have done nothing except try to help him over the last 40 years. He is a terrible hoarder, just wants to keep everything. He is losing capacity and often forgets things such as day, date, time. He has meals on wheels now which he seems to like but then wont throw away the containers. He leaves them to pile up to the point where it attracts flies. He wont throw away anything, keeps everything and I have had to do a lot myself to keep the place reasonably clutter free. He fights me on everything. We had social services involved and they did various assessments. He said if he goes into care he will commit suicide. He said he wants to live and die in his own house. He is so argumentative and will even argue with Dr's, hospital staff etc. I also run a small business from home which is letting the top of the house out and there a five tenants. He keeps interfering. He has very strange and erratic behavior and tenants have complained before.

I am looking into putting a care package in place for him so someone can come in for a few hours each day. He said he wants a woman carer. Adamant about it. Wont accept a male carer. He is awkward and difficult in every way. This is only a small birds eye view of my situation. I dont know how things are going to end up. People have said if he continues to live it is going to get worse. I'm not looking forward to this at all. He has just recently given me the power of attorney but this was not easy to get. His memory is very bad, some days he has good capacity and other days not so good. He recently asked how mum died and what she died of. I refused to have the conversation with him because he just goes on asking the same questions over and over and doesn't except the answers. He is like this with everything. The least you tell him the better. The more dialogue you have the more time he will keep you there arguing. He bangs on my door late at night. Will stand there kicking it until I answer. It's never anything important just useless rubbish. The same with telephone calls. If he rings me and I dont answer he will keep calling over and over until I do. He never thinks I am busy or can't talk. Last record was 60 missed calls all in space of 1 min gap between each call.