For 6 yr I have taken care of husband's, parents. Husb lost leg mother has cancer is 94 on walker and lives alone I take care of her 1hr away. dad died 2yrs ago. I just want to be by myself I have to work (in sales so I can use the phone and internet) but want to be alone and not take care or talk to anyone. I'm on anti anxiety med because of panic attack. Husband in skilled nursing but I don't want to go there. How can I refuel I'm so tired.
As to your situation, you're clearly overwhelmed and have been heading towards this point for some time. It's time for a different approach.
Sit down and make a list of the caregiving tasks you do for your husband, mother and yourself. Then list the resources that would either help you continue that care or take over the care you're providing. Also make a list of the sources you can contact to initiate involvement by these other resources.
This may sound like a tedious task, but what it will do is require you to refocus on your situation in a different manner, one which identifies the problems and potential solutions.
E.g., for your husband's amputation recovery, you might list PT in a rehab facility, home PT, in-home care as he adjusts, home modifications for wheelchair use, prosthetic device fitting and rehab for using the device.
Ask your husband's surgeon to script for the home care, provide information on prosthetics, etc., then start calling.
This is tedious, but tedium can sometimes help to calm the anxiety and exhaustion by refocusing on things you can solve.
You will have to reconcile yourself to the fact that you can't do it all, and if you continue to try, you'll end up ill yourself and then there will be no one to care for your family.
While you're working on these solutions, take some time out in the morning, afternoon and evening to just sit and think about positive things, and let yourself be refreshed before you go back to the task of caregiving.
But remember, the only way you'll get relief is by bringing in outside sources, including family if they'll participate.
Good luck; now, go have a nice cup of hot tea, hot chocolate, coffee or lemondate, depending on your weather, and start thinking about life becoming better for you.
I just hired a lovely live in help. They have individuals of all types of skill levels all over the USA and the asking pay is anywhere from $5 - $50 per hour depending on skill set and whether or not they live in. Many on there are just looking for part time, some for live in and some full time. It's a great site for a resource. If you could afford someone to come in & help MIL a couple of days a week, it would be a godsend to you. Before hiring this lady, I had someone come in 4 hours a day 2 days a week and that was amazingly freeing for me. Can MIL afford to pay someone?