My dad is 83 and lives with me and my husband. I am so exhausted from having to stay up late or get up before the crack of dawn just to have some alone time. Sometimes I am rude to him because he gets up early right after me and I can't be alone with my coffee and thoughts. I feel so guilty for being "mean" to him. I just miss having some quiet me time. Does anyone else feel like this?
Thank you Aging Care for writing so many insightful articles to let us know that we are not alone in caring for elderly parents. Even though my father passed at 57 I am grateful to not be taking care of both parents plus in laws like many others do.
I pray you will find someone to come be with your Dad for a few hours a week. You MUST take care of yourself or you will be of no help to him. When I got home I had to be in bed for 2 days as the stress aggravated my fibromyalgia so bad that I couldn't move once I stopped. Don't let yourself get to that point. Remember too, if you have a husband and children, they need you as well so you have to get some alone time with them.
Best of luck and just know that you are not alone and do look into your local chapter of A Place for Mom, or the Center for Aging Adults.
Barb M., author
What to Do about Mama?
I always liked my winding-down time for an hour or so after work, watching TV and chilling. Now, Dad comes home from his days out much earlier (sometimes the same time as I do) and he'll wander into the living room and start talking while I'm trying to watch something. I'll admit it's pretty annoying, but I'd never make him feel bad about it (because he would).
We tried to get away for a weekend at a resort we love, there is no cell service there, so everything is landline... so how did we spend our time?.... calling home every hour or two to check our answering machine.
Now if only my parents had moved to that wonderful retirement community when if Dad falls, all Mom has to do is push a button that alerts security who are trained to pick up fallen people. Plus, there is a medical office on-site with two doctor.
During the week I was working in another state but took whatever time off I needed to take her to any appointments. Getting to Mom’s was almost a 2 hour drive and then her medical appointments with any of her specialists was another hour or more. I was fortunate that most of the time I could schedule a couple of the Drs. on the same day. At this same time our son was a teenager so while at home I was dealing with all that entails and during her last summer he broke his leg. On top of this my husband was working nights and still in the Army Reserves, one weekend a month and usually three weeks annual training. Needless to say my “me” time was rare, usually limited to the time it took me to drive home from work or her house.
Mom passed a few years ago and I do not resent for one minute the time I spent with her. Yes there were times when she pushed me to the limit and times I got short with her. Had I known when we transferred her from her last hospital stay to the NF that it would be her last week I would have brought her home to either her house or mine. At the time it was the week school was starting for our son, he had just gotten his cast off and then reinjured his ankle at school.
I know while you are dealing with this it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but once the family member you are caring for is gone you will know that you did what you could for them when they needed you. Please seek out assistance and support groups, breathe.
mental decline; and several other life factors, solitude and "me" time are almost non-existent unless I stay up way too late. Sometimes I just feel so exhausted and overwhelmed.
I took care of my aging mother for 14 years.
What worked for me was to adjust my schedule to be closer to hers.
She liked to sleep in late every morning, so it gave me time to make sure I got some "me time."
A great time to get some "me time" is when they are sleeping or doing some supervised day time activities for seniors.
I'll admit that it now takes me practically forever to finish a book, though.
However, that's kind of my own choice, in a way. I haven't gotten motivated to find someone to "watch her" if I wanted to go away for a couple days. Also, I dread bringing it up with her as I know she's going to be hurt that I'm getting a "baby sitter" for her. I'm trying to think of the best way to broach it with her. Additionally, need to get my butt in gear and figure out how best to do this.
I kind of want her to stay at home so that she's not disoriented in a strange place, but I'm not sure how to go about finding the right person to stay here. I've looked into respite care, but some of the facilities seem to have a limit of two weeks and that would be too long and too expensive.
So, while there are ways to get a little time to ourselves, it's not always easy to figure it out, either.
-There is so much help out there for caregivers, if the one you are caring for refuses, - do it anyway!
I tell them but they don't listen. i have been taking care of her for 5 years with no help now I need help.
How do you feel about that image for your situations?