My dad is 83 and lives with me and my husband. I am so exhausted from having to stay up late or get up before the crack of dawn just to have some alone time. Sometimes I am rude to him because he gets up early right after me and I can't be alone with my coffee and thoughts. I feel so guilty for being "mean" to him. I just miss having some quiet me time. Does anyone else feel like this?
Dad figured out we needed quiet time in the AM for my wife to get ready for work and he has been great about that not coming down until she leaves at 7. That is awesome! He does give us chill time when she comes home from work. it is just the having another in the house that is difficult, the looming issue. We generally have to make an excuse to get us for us so I feel guilty. We are looking forward to a week with just us while he goes to visit some relatives. I am giving up mu annual hunting trip he and I go on every year so he a can go alone (with family) so I can get some me time with my wife.
Yeah, I miss my me time! I guess I carry too much guilt....
When she moved-in, though, she's now mostly confused by the TV remote, so she doesn't watch TV without help, but she does have the ability to read the instructions on the simplest TV dinner to make herself something if we go out without her.
She can make a PB&J with prep before we go (she can see the bread on the counter, but has to be reminded that jelly's in the fridge; she's never understood where the PB is, so I take it out and put it next to the bread).
We're careful to have time to ourselves, family time (Mom, spouse and me), and time just for spouse and me. I make kind of a big deal about this so that she notices that we do fun things all together with her. When she really can't go, maybe because there's too much walking, I'll talk to her about the fact that we're not purposely not asking her along but that we realize should couldn't/wouldn't go because of the walking. I think she does feel hurt when we run errands without her, because that's not really quality time for my spouse and me. So, if the errands are too great or the store too big, we'll mention it over lunch where we're going and why we think she's not coming. Once in awhile, we take her anyway and she likes to sit in the car and look at the fall colors, though. Sometimes, if it's not that we're specifically having our own spouse time together, we'll just ask her to come along and, then, she's pretty much okay that we desert her for our spouse time.
It's a tough balance and she is probably more understanding than some might be. She is a bit of a loner, though, and I suspect she likes it when we leave her alone a little - she gets peace and quiet, finally! :-)
But how many of us would vote *yes* to raising our taxes to cover that expense? Heck, some communities can't get the voters to vote *yes* on educational improvements.
I am however looking forward to a 9 day holiday where i have one of my sisters and a friend of my mom who will stay with her. Its is going to be my ultimate me time of shopping, beach, spa treatments and everything in between. I do believe that its going to help me be a better carer for my mom....who is in the last few weeks improved in some areas.
I urge everyone if you have someone to help you and that can take over for a few days, take it, have some me time. ...it needn't be a holiday away but maybe a day at a spa or a weekend away depending. Do it. You will be a better carer if you care for yourself.
Thank goodness for this forum :)
I also know I feel better when I vacuum the rugs, but it stresses out the cats.... so it's not a win-win situation.... [sigh].
Loki2013 Movies??? they still have those. It's been 5 years since my hubby and I went to a movie. Oj1977, trips??? what are those??? I'm lucky to get to go to the grocery store for an hour. Work is my time that I have to myself. I relish driving in the car for 30 minutes each way and often turn off the phone while in transit.
Yes Freqflyer and Heart to Heart, we do need to get it out. This is our forum. I appreciate the support and information that I get here.
I have a live-in caregiver who gives me 25 hours a week so I can work + a great yardman who both will watch her anytime, but the trouble is that things are so intense right now, it's taking all of us. At least I have been able to sleep at night the past week. I hope that I don't jinx the good luck by talking about it.
The trip is up in the air as i am spending another night in the hospital with my mom. So i might have jinxed it. Lol.
we all have different levels of care giving my mom...if she has someone at home to help her and make sure she takes her meds she will be OK
We are looking into a rehab facility for her so she can get the help that she needs in terms of building back strength in her arms and legs as well as treat her asthma.
I know i am lucky to get me time in the form of a trip...i know. And I do hope.i havent jinxed it.
My mother has a young woman from the church who comes by every month to check on us. I know she would try to be there if I needed her. I don't know what she could do, because she is a bit dizzy, but it is good to know someone is there to help.
My mother's church has a support group that meets. It is only once a month, though, so I don't know how it could be much help. I don't go, because many of the complaints I have are not very godly. Still, it may be a good group for the right people.
My brother's family, OTOH, are staunch primitive Baptist types, whose daily focus is on serving God. They rarely visit, though they live less than an hour away. My brother calls occasionally. My mother thinks that they feel we are going to hell. I feel that their lives are busy with their church family and caring about her would be inconvenient -- no fun at all. They are probably glad that I have it covered here. Yes, it feels ugly. If they were the only examples I had of Christians, it would paint a bad picture indeed.
People are just people, no matter how they paint themselves. Some people give too much, others take too much. Still others just pull into themselves and hiss at the outside world.