My dad is 83 and lives with me and my husband. I am so exhausted from having to stay up late or get up before the crack of dawn just to have some alone time. Sometimes I am rude to him because he gets up early right after me and I can't be alone with my coffee and thoughts. I feel so guilty for being "mean" to him. I just miss having some quiet me time. Does anyone else feel like this?
But how many of us would vote *yes* to raising our taxes to cover that expense? Heck, some communities can't get the voters to vote *yes* on educational improvements.
When she moved-in, though, she's now mostly confused by the TV remote, so she doesn't watch TV without help, but she does have the ability to read the instructions on the simplest TV dinner to make herself something if we go out without her.
She can make a PB&J with prep before we go (she can see the bread on the counter, but has to be reminded that jelly's in the fridge; she's never understood where the PB is, so I take it out and put it next to the bread).
We're careful to have time to ourselves, family time (Mom, spouse and me), and time just for spouse and me. I make kind of a big deal about this so that she notices that we do fun things all together with her. When she really can't go, maybe because there's too much walking, I'll talk to her about the fact that we're not purposely not asking her along but that we realize should couldn't/wouldn't go because of the walking. I think she does feel hurt when we run errands without her, because that's not really quality time for my spouse and me. So, if the errands are too great or the store too big, we'll mention it over lunch where we're going and why we think she's not coming. Once in awhile, we take her anyway and she likes to sit in the car and look at the fall colors, though. Sometimes, if it's not that we're specifically having our own spouse time together, we'll just ask her to come along and, then, she's pretty much okay that we desert her for our spouse time.
It's a tough balance and she is probably more understanding than some might be. She is a bit of a loner, though, and I suspect she likes it when we leave her alone a little - she gets peace and quiet, finally! :-)
Dad figured out we needed quiet time in the AM for my wife to get ready for work and he has been great about that not coming down until she leaves at 7. That is awesome! He does give us chill time when she comes home from work. it is just the having another in the house that is difficult, the looming issue. We generally have to make an excuse to get us for us so I feel guilty. We are looking forward to a week with just us while he goes to visit some relatives. I am giving up mu annual hunting trip he and I go on every year so he a can go alone (with family) so I can get some me time with my wife.
Yeah, I miss my me time! I guess I carry too much guilt....
How do you feel about that image for your situations?
I tell them but they don't listen. i have been taking care of her for 5 years with no help now I need help.
-There is so much help out there for caregivers, if the one you are caring for refuses, - do it anyway!
However, that's kind of my own choice, in a way. I haven't gotten motivated to find someone to "watch her" if I wanted to go away for a couple days. Also, I dread bringing it up with her as I know she's going to be hurt that I'm getting a "baby sitter" for her. I'm trying to think of the best way to broach it with her. Additionally, need to get my butt in gear and figure out how best to do this.
I kind of want her to stay at home so that she's not disoriented in a strange place, but I'm not sure how to go about finding the right person to stay here. I've looked into respite care, but some of the facilities seem to have a limit of two weeks and that would be too long and too expensive.
So, while there are ways to get a little time to ourselves, it's not always easy to figure it out, either.
I'll admit that it now takes me practically forever to finish a book, though.
I took care of my aging mother for 14 years.
What worked for me was to adjust my schedule to be closer to hers.
She liked to sleep in late every morning, so it gave me time to make sure I got some "me time."
A great time to get some "me time" is when they are sleeping or doing some supervised day time activities for seniors.
mental decline; and several other life factors, solitude and "me" time are almost non-existent unless I stay up way too late. Sometimes I just feel so exhausted and overwhelmed.
During the week I was working in another state but took whatever time off I needed to take her to any appointments. Getting to Mom’s was almost a 2 hour drive and then her medical appointments with any of her specialists was another hour or more. I was fortunate that most of the time I could schedule a couple of the Drs. on the same day. At this same time our son was a teenager so while at home I was dealing with all that entails and during her last summer he broke his leg. On top of this my husband was working nights and still in the Army Reserves, one weekend a month and usually three weeks annual training. Needless to say my “me” time was rare, usually limited to the time it took me to drive home from work or her house.
Mom passed a few years ago and I do not resent for one minute the time I spent with her. Yes there were times when she pushed me to the limit and times I got short with her. Had I known when we transferred her from her last hospital stay to the NF that it would be her last week I would have brought her home to either her house or mine. At the time it was the week school was starting for our son, he had just gotten his cast off and then reinjured his ankle at school.
I know while you are dealing with this it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but once the family member you are caring for is gone you will know that you did what you could for them when they needed you. Please seek out assistance and support groups, breathe.