My dad is 83 and lives with me and my husband. I am so exhausted from having to stay up late or get up before the crack of dawn just to have some alone time. Sometimes I am rude to him because he gets up early right after me and I can't be alone with my coffee and thoughts. I feel so guilty for being "mean" to him. I just miss having some quiet me time. Does anyone else feel like this?
We tried to get away for a weekend at a resort we love, there is no cell service there, so everything is landline... so how did we spend our time?.... calling home every hour or two to check our answering machine.
Now if only my parents had moved to that wonderful retirement community when if Dad falls, all Mom has to do is push a button that alerts security who are trained to pick up fallen people. Plus, there is a medical office on-site with two doctor.
I always liked my winding-down time for an hour or so after work, watching TV and chilling. Now, Dad comes home from his days out much earlier (sometimes the same time as I do) and he'll wander into the living room and start talking while I'm trying to watch something. I'll admit it's pretty annoying, but I'd never make him feel bad about it (because he would).
Barb M., author
What to Do about Mama?
Thank you Aging Care for writing so many insightful articles to let us know that we are not alone in caring for elderly parents. Even though my father passed at 57 I am grateful to not be taking care of both parents plus in laws like many others do.
I pray you will find someone to come be with your Dad for a few hours a week. You MUST take care of yourself or you will be of no help to him. When I got home I had to be in bed for 2 days as the stress aggravated my fibromyalgia so bad that I couldn't move once I stopped. Don't let yourself get to that point. Remember too, if you have a husband and children, they need you as well so you have to get some alone time with them.
Best of luck and just know that you are not alone and do look into your local chapter of A Place for Mom, or the Center for Aging Adults.
What am I doing at 68, none of the above. I am still working mainly for my own sanity and to have people of other age groups to talk to... yet half of my free time is running here or there, driving my parents to appointments, etc.... and the other half of my free time is trying to catch up with my own household chores, my own groceries, my own doctor appointments.
Gone are the grand plans I had for retirement. All that saving and scrimping for what? Oh well, will all my health issues due to stress, I can get a really nice assistant living facility for myself :P
When they take away my mom's SS I'm screwed. I have exactly $131 left over for whatever comes up after paying the rent and the bills. I had to take a large pay cut to get a job after losing one due to The Recession. I did ask my boss for a raise and he said end of year BUT that was before they announced layoffs so I will be lucky to just have a job even if it pays crap.
So I spend all my time with mom at the nursing home or home doing homework on Office 2013 even though that is what I do for a living - it's slim pickings in your first semester, I had forgotten that from real college. I'm poor enough that the JC pays for my classes. Alas, the Federal government does not recognize the huge difference in cost of living in California compared to anywhere else. I was born here, living here is not some stupid wannabe actor choice I made.
I've considered dating which taking care of my mom was a wonderful excuse to avoid the last 10 years but ugh dating a 50 year old man seems so well OLD. I can't see the concept of true love happening in my mid 40s if it did not happen in my mid-20s. I had a shot at marriage but true love it was not.
And no matter how hard I try or how many meds I take, I'm depressed and my mom is depressed. I also didn't really enjoy dating when my choices were 35, I'm just not the "meeting new people type". I guess I'll be looking for a new job in the new year but I'm screwed for now. Oh yes and all my real friends left the state due to The Recession and I have no time to make new ones nor the wherewithal (sp) to do it nor the money to go out with them if I did. Those last two may be related because even though I am not the meet new person type I tend to be good at making friends.
So yes, I relate. I had a lot more "me" time when my mom was living with me. I also went out with my friends and had a fabulous excuse to avoid dating. I haven't been to the nail place in months. I miss the nail place and the salon.
Carving out time for yourself is important and reasonable. You should be able to have time for solitary interests, like reading or drawing or crafts. There has to be balance on the happiness meter - you need time for yourself and he needs to get used to spending time without your attention.