She has Lupus, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis and recurring bouts of a A fib. She spent a week n the hospital with Afib and 3 weeks in skilled nursing. I have bouts of feeling afraid of losing her and then resent having to be her care taker and losing my freedom, I’m a very active healthy 82 and realize I’m on limited time myself and feel guilty for feeling resentment. Her short term memory is also in rapid decline.
I felt the same way when my mother was in the hospital and rehab
I really am sorry that you are in this terrible situation. It is a tough spot to find yourself in.
Live your life and take care of yourself. Every thing you are feeling is normal!
Others will show up with better advice.
See that what you feel is normal, that there is bound to be some ambivalence about the situation, that you are only human, that you have needs, that it's ok for you to want to live your life and do the things you enjoy.
Yes it is expensive and it took a while for me to decide “I” was worth it but I am now happier for myself and I don’t resent my husband for getting sick. He will not get better, but I can now face the future knowing that there is life to live. Maybe not the way it was but still worth living.
Yes, you will feel devastated and adrift for a while if she dies before you do, but most of her ailments do not sound immediately terminal.
It's something to consider if things get to be too much for you.
All the best
Feeling guilty is normal. Even when I did get out I worried, a lot. Near the end I was so worn out and starting to feel the pain of lifting her and started to think about putting her in a home. Unfortunately she took a turn for the worst and passed shortly after that. I still feel like I did not do enough for her.
As others have said here, even if you put her into a home of any sort, you can visit her as often as you feel there is a need or desire.
When she was in the hospital and rehab I was there every day and helped the staff with her needs.
I was then able to go home, late in the day or night and get some reasonable sleep so I could it all over the next day.
I think you should look for a day care to free you up for a little R&R.
Oh, I forgot, I just turned 72 and starting to get out in public again. Still no real friends though.
Give yourself permission to experience these feelings, and own them. Don't feel guilty for them. Taking time for your own mental wellness and even physical wellness will help reduce feelings of guilt.
If your wife has encouraged you to take care of yourself, you will be a blessing to her if you show her you are.
Praying for peace for you and strength as you care for your loved one.
The decision to stay, the decision to fully embrace the role was and is my salvation. It took about 4 years to realize that and to gather information and cultivate acceptance about the 3 terminal illnesses that my loved one has. And as many caregivers here have mentioned, I started to craft a life of my own, along with engaging in support groups and learning how to ask for and accept help. I see my role as a caregiver as a sacred role to help someone who can't return "the favor". It's a higher level of love; a selfless love. Seeing my role from a different perspective allows me to rise up out of the angst, resentment, and guilt, at least temporarily. It's an everyday practice; and it helps. I hope it will help you.
Blessings,
That way she has 24/ 7 care and you can enjoy her company when you visit instead of resenting time spent caring for her many needs. You will feel better having had time to do things you want to which means you’ll be able to be supportive when you visit without feeling guilty.
At the very very least you should get respite care for her so that you can have a much needed break.