Which has been happening since her stroke a year ago. I don’t how to handle my Mom who is always telling me I have already told her (whatever we happen to be talking about). She is constantly telling me, everyone; she talks to repeats their stories to her. There will be times I will tell her about a friend that something happened to them that same day and she will say to me you have already told me that yesterday. She also said she thinks something is wrong with her 28-year-old grandson because he tells her the same story every day.
My Mom is 94 ½ years old, she had a stroke a year ago. I noticed memory changes in her about 4 months after the stroke. Her stroke affected her speech for about 12 hours after being given the clot-busting drug. She gets angry if I disagree.
This is a woman who had a great memory and still prides herself on still having a perfect memory. Now she told me she gave me a piece of jewelry to have repaired five months ago and when I said she didn’t, it is now my fault I lost it (because it is missing or she can’t find the piece). What is the best way to approach this problem, when she gets upset with me, it eats me alive?
The way your mother is mis-processing her memories is unusual - almost back to front! Typically it's denial that you told her something seven times over in the last fifteen minutes! - but I'm sure this is to do with some fault in the way that her brain is interpreting speech and memory. It must be frustrating for her, and frightening too; and people often do seem cross when underneath it they are actually feeling a sense of panic.
The important thing to hold on tight to when she is angry or upset is that she is angry and upset, but not with *you*. You just happen to be within range. It's crossfire. It's still miserable for you, I know, but I hope this thought will help you not react out of guilt, feeling that you must be doing something wrong.
Other changes such as depression and loss of social filters are also common; so that's a further reason to report this problem and see what can be done to help.
Is the missing jewelry really missing, do you know?
In our case, my mom kept telling me the following-- she's seen it before, she's been here before, she heard it before, she already knew that.
And this one might make you laugh. She told me that Heinz was no longer making ketchup because they couldn't get the right tomatoes. No amount of discussion was going to correct that conflation!
She's not upset with you, per se. Her brain is altered, so in a way she's not the same mom that you knew all of your life. This is a slightly different version. If it helps you, think of it that way.
I'm not saying it's easy. In fact, it's very hard. But once you realize, it's that thing that happens, then you can look out for it, try to be aware of it and find a way to deflect and redirect.
It takes a lot of patience. Remember, her brain is altered, she cannot help that she now has disordered thinking processes.
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/deja-vu-what-it-is-and-when-it-may-be-cause-for-concern/