My mom passed away 6 yrs ago and I have taking care of my dad since.
In the beginning, he was doing well. A little bit of dementia but he could manage to live in his home, go grocery shopping and care for himself.
Recently, he started complaining about something not right with his lower abdomen every time he tries to get up from a seated position. I couldn't understand what he meant. Well, he took a tumble last week and for some reason crawled from his bedroom into the garage and called for help.
Neighbors called me and 911. I found out he had a UTI and a staph infection which was why he fell. He had to be on IV antibiotics and is now in a facility to help him gain some strength so he can walk again. I went to clean up his house and found out he is not bathing and hasn't been outside around his house in many months. He has old, rotten food mixed in with fresh food.
It was pretty bad and I was shocked that he had fooled me for so long.
He has macular degeneration and cannot see so good and he cannot hear very well.
My question is: I want to let him go back to living on his own but I don't think that would be a good idea. I just don't want to tell him what to do or make him miserable. I am not sure if he should go back home and I think it might be better for him to come and live with my hubby and I,
Is it safe to let him go back home? Will he get better? Should I take his car away? He definitely wants to go home and do what he was doing. I just don't know if that's best. I am also his DPOA.
If anyone has been in this situation, I would love to hear from you.
Thanks so much!
Welcome to the forum.
My uncle who lived to be 96. He also lived alone after my aunt died. He wanted to stay in his home like your dad. His children checked on him as much as they could but they all have full time jobs and families.
My uncle didn’t have dementia but he had mobility issues from Parkinson’s disease. He wasn’t able to cook much. So, he wasn’t eating very much. They become very thin. He got an UTI and it turned septic and he almost died.
My cousins said to him that it was no longer possible for him to remain in his home. He wasn’t happy about their decision. My cousins definitely got some pushback. He said that he would hire someone 24/7 to stay with him. My cousins told him, “Dad, you can’t afford that. 24/7 care is a nursing home.” He came around to the idea that he would be going from the hospital to a nursing home.
Best wishes to you and your dad. Speak with his doctor about his needs. Speak to his social worker. They will help you decide what to do and form a plan.
You should explore this forum for the experiences of others like me who had to wait for a crisis to move elders. And also read all the sad accounts of people who have tried to move elders into their homes. Some folks can handle it, most cannot.
I would also say that it may take him a while to bounce back from the UTI. This may be the point that Dad will not be able to live on his own anymore. No guarantee he won't now suffer from UTIs and staph is nothing to laugh at. It destroyed my Dads heart valve.