I need something for my 65-year-old mother to do. Any ideas?
My mom is wheelchair bound and is total care. But she is great at getting around in her wheelchair. She uses briefs when out and about.
She's too with it for adult day care - most adults there are dementia patients. She'd hate it.
She needs just enough supervision that she can't be in a job or role that is independent. She needs assistance with physical tasks as she cannot stand and only has one working arm. She cannot write well since her working arm is not the side she used to write with.
She has just enough cognitive decline that I don't know of a job that will suit her abilities. Her stroke in 2007 permanently messed up her understanding of numbers. Her reading comprehension is slightly off.
But other than that she is fine. She can carry a conversation for hours. She loves talking about her past and getting to know new people. She is clever.
Help!! My mom is just rotting away in her little apartment with no prospects.
29 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- I had a stroke 7 years ago, I would like to find a place where I can go for activities, I am 69 years young, and in a wheelchair. Any suggestions?
- Christmas Gift Ideas that will stimulate my MIL post stroke that has left her physically inactive?
- Is there a walker better suited for outdoors?
- Bedridden Mom needs to move. Any suggestions?
My dad didn't want to be around old people either, I asked him why he thought younger people would want to be around his old hide. I find this attitude utterly ridiculous.
OP, do you have any ideas for what she is capable of doing? Can she help at a thrift shop? I think there is some kind of an agency that can help people with disabilities get jobs - maybe it's Easter Seals? And they have someone take them to work a time or two to coach them on the job and make sure they can do it.
That's too bad that her OT couldn't get her non-dominant hand able to do more. Do you think your mom gave up or was it really impossible? I know at this moment, my left hand is practically useless since I'm a righty but I sure hope that if my dominant hand was impaired I could train my left hand to do the work I would need it to do.
65 is very young for her to be somewhat disabled which means she likely has many years ahead. If you found a place that also had higher levels of care available should she need it, that would avoid future moves.
Best of luck to you both!
Sounds like she should be in Assisted Living, not memory care.
Perhaps she can do volunteer work with pets? Or, move her out of her little apartment and into Assisted Living; the Activities Director can use her to help new patients acclimate to their environment; it would be stimulating for her to engage with people on a daily basis.
Perhaps ask her to make phone calls to people who are housebound and alone / lonely. There are many older people that isolate, feel down / depressed and would greatly appreciate this connection / contact.
This would be a volunteer position. And, serve her well, too. Feeling useful, giving to the community, helping a person feel better about their self.
If she wants / is willing to do this, perhaps contact local churches, a dementia association, suicide prevention. (I did an internship at Suicide Prevention; many people call who are not suicidal; they are lonely, need support, a compassionate ear to listen, in distress, overwhelm.)
Gena / Touch Matters
If you do not have the funds, perhaps ask your church, or seek volunteers through charities that may come and spend some time with your mom. And if you have family, maybe you could ask for some help from them. You take a day, another family member take another day etc.
It doesn’t have to be everyday, nor does it have to be all day. A few hours of stimulation, 4-5 days per wk is a good starting point, then back off if it’s too much.
I also like someone else response on here, find somewhere that SHE can volunteer to help others.
Have you actually visited and spoke with local adult day care? Maybe it’s not what you think and it may be a good option.
Most universities have some kind of program whereby seniors can audit courses. Some also have non-degree-granting programs for adult education. Also most cultural centers, like museums, have adult courses.
I've known several people who have made nice social connections over time in ongoing language courses.
2 - is there any kind of political or community cause she is interested in? there is often a need for people to make phone calls for various reasons, would she be able to do that? I think they are robo-dialled so I think she could do it with a headset and without having to be able to punch in numbers. If she can get interested in something, she could have meetings to go to and a contribution to make, and this would definitely be mixed ages.
1. Senior centers have daily programming and interaction with others and, at times lunch etc. You can stop by and get a calendar of activities and speak with staff.
2. " Adult Day Care" may actually be the better choice as you describe several deficits that your mother may need help with. She could also perhaps view going as both for herself and a way of volunteering with the others present...
3. Engage her Physician to order assessments of her PT and OT status and potential for therapy toward improvement. If there is none, ask what they recommend.
4. Could she volunteer at a local church to assist with weekly office needs?? Or others?? Speak with your, hers or a community pastor.
5. Engage volunteers or other paid aids to help her 1:1 to do things that will give her meaning, hope,purpose and direction.
6. It sounds like her cumulative deficits do equal quite a bit of challenges. 1:1 visits with her may be a good way to start. Speak with Physician.
7. Practice good self care . One also needs to ask oneself :. Does your mother express the need and desire to " do more"? Or is this your need to see her " do more"?
Does she like being around kids? Has she tried volunteering at the local libraries to read books or tell stories to kids? Children books are large print with pictures and easy to read. Or volunteer to help at the library used book stores? She can help handling the book sales and talk to patrons when they come in.
Easy pets, such as goldfish, are good therapy. Do you have any family to help care for them, so all your mom needs to do is watch them, even talk to them?
For example, I have 2 goldfish I love. They swim up to the surface when they see me and suck the water for attention! I just love Tweety and Black Bart!
Drag out all the family photos she has and that you have. Do the photo have names of who's in the photo? If not, time to do it now. I know I could have kicked myself for not doing this back when my parents were still around. So many mystery photos that even other family members who are doing trees cannot identify.
There are two old newspaper websites where one can find articles of some of their relatives. Old wedding announcements, birth announcements, family reunions, etc.
She looks down upon it for whatever reason. Sigh.
I think it is important to keep her mind active at her age and always give her hope. You can do some activities with her or encourage her to do some on her own. It may be easier said than done, but we can still try. Here are some things we can do:
1. Brain Games
2. Exercise
3. Reading Time
4. Get Creative
5. Listen To Them
6. Outdoor Activities
7. Movies, TV, or Music
Get her to do things she might have been interested before like painting, crafting, or even light cooking. If you still need more help you can always look into hiring a companion care for a few hours a week to keep her company. They will talk to her, do light laundry, and take her out to places.
Your mom sounds like a perfect candidate for a good senior living center. Maybe start looking up places in your area and ask for brochures, take her to visit a couple that look good.
If your mom is a social creature, she may have local friends already there or would make new ones, have a social life, activities. She'd have the supervision she needs and you can then help to oversee the addition of cares as her needs change.
All of this is dependent on her having the finances to cover these costs and if not, you may want to look into getting her to a local senior center, not adult daycare. Transport can be arranged and you can plan this together. They would provide for her social and 'hobby-type' needs, maybe even outings.
I'm 65 and would have none of this, but my adult daughter and grandkids live with me in my 5 bedroom home so, I'm kept very busy. I would not fit in a senior center, but surely would not wish to spend my days alone.
You can open these discussions with your mom and she may gain a whole new lease on life, some adventures to look forward to.
Blessings -
The local Senior Center might be a great place for her to get involved in activities AND my local Senior Center has Volunteers that call other seniors to check in on them, make sure everything is ok. this might be something your mom could do.
Lots of schools now need classroom helpers (and the pay is pretty good!). (Not sure is she would want to spend time in a school if she has medical conditions that would lessen her immune system)
The Hospice I Volunteer with/for has lots of office things that need to be done. One of them is calling patients families to see if they need any supplies. (this can be done from home)
And...local animal shelters need Foster homes for both dogs and cats. this is the best of both worlds, you have a pet but do not have the expense of pet ownership. The hard part is when you have to give up your Foster when they find their forever home.
Your mom would call people daily to check in on them and break their isolation.
Getting with your local charities will help you find other things she could do. Being needed is very helpful for overall well-being. Good for you trying to find things to engage her.
stories would be heartbreaking.