I don't want to live in any of my children's home when I'm unable to care for myself. I prefer to be in a nursing home. Are there legal papers I need to fill out in advance to ensure my wishes are honored? I have made this decision because I don't want to be neglected by family members for the sole reason they want my SS check. I don't trust they will adequately or appropriately care for me because I have seen other family members neglected. I'm not sure if I need a lawyer or a living will at a hospital or what. However I absolutely don't want my daughter (s) placing me in their home.
I do know that my mother was able to put in her “trust” that she did not want two very specific people involved in making decisions in regard to her trust so maybe the same can be done for POA and Healthcare Surrogate?
I don't want my is taking care of me either. Not because of their inability but because they have full lives and their first priority should be their families and careers.
We put these types of stipulations in our paperwork, right down to what kind of music for music therapy.
You can absolutely create documents that stipulate what you desire for your care. It requires having a DPOA and DHCPOA that you can trust. Interview attorneys until you find one that you feel comfortable with and that has a firm backing them up, this is important because life happens to attorneys too.
As luck would have it, my sons are married to fabulous wives whom I love and respect, and we all totally agree- they wouldn’t want me either.
DH And I have Long Term Care plans and have expressed our desires MANY TIMES to our children. We also have detailed directions in our legal papers, filed with our lawyer.
Be sure that whomever you assign as your POA knows they're being given that responsibility and that they agree to take it on before you assign it. Also be sure to have a back-up POA person or two in case the first one is unable to do it when the time comes.
Let the attorney help you with the proper documents and wording. It'll be worth his fee to do it right, or your kids could possibly undo it at some time.
It will probably be, and imo should be, a separate article entitled "My living arrangements " or something like that. Spell it out, avoid using vague language.
A good source for initial consult would be a social worker for aging care in your area. At least you can get the templates and edit as much as possible, then take that to attorney to review and properly add the correct verbiage.