Barbbrooklyn, sent me links on personality disorders. There are a lot of them!! She fits the bill for obsessive compulsive personality disorder. Not to be confused with OCD which is a form of anxiety. My mother had all the traits. Preoccupied with rules, orderliness, control, can’t throw anything out, gets angry over little things, can’t delegate orders and if she does they have to be done EXACTLY the way she wants it done. I mean EXACTLY!! I asked her the other day if she wanted my help to soak her foot. Her reply was no, you won’t do it right. I can’t believe I finally found a diagnosis that fits her to a tee!!! Now will she see a doctor about it. NO because in her mind there is nothing wrong with her. But I can seek therapy. I can try it again. But now at least I have some compassion and know that she really does have an illness. A mental illness. I know I still need to set boundaries with her but I know now I don’t need to take it personally. I want to thank Barbbrooklyn for sending me links and having me read up on it. I looked up borderline personality disorder and she only has 2 traits. But Obsessive compulsive personality disorder she had all of them with the exception of dresses impeccable. She’s not that but she said when she was younger she always worried about how she looked. At 95 she doesn’t care how she looks. Somebody else had this same question on this forum in 2013. Can anybody relate to it? Suggestions welcomed!!
Poor Elaine is trying to come to terms with being a good, caring daughter and trying to understand what is going on with her mom; in this situation, I think that there is a bit beyond "control"; she needs our help in understanding why setting boundaries might be a good idea, and why giving up her life to try to help her mom (who won't accept her help, because she won't do it right) isn't the right thing to do.
For the record, I don't think everyone has a personality disorder. Some people are just hard to live with.
"I don't have OCD. I have CDO, because it is alphabetical, in the right order, as it should be!"
So glad Barb sent you a link that explains your mother's behavior/personality disorder. It's VERY helpful for US to be able to understand THEM a little bit better. It's not like they're doing things on purpose......lots of times they have mental illness conditions they cannot help. Of course, it would be nice if they got TREATMENT for said conditions, but that's a conversation for another day, right? Sigh.
Glad to know that you have pin pointed a possible diagnosis for your mom. It will help you to understand her actions better.
I agree that she probably won’t do anything to change her behavior or seek help for that matter.
Good luck if you decide to pursue therapy for yourself.