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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Go ahead and apply for it but not if you believe it will be a panacea for your grief. You should get a handle on the grief first, because people in nursing homes die all the time, and if each death becomes your mom's death again, you'll completely fall apart.
Thank you for your help, needed another opinion I haven't stopped grieving over my mom's passing I to believe I might be looking for something I can't get back.
Would it be possible to Volunteer frequently at the ALF, before applying there? Volunteer several times per week, and you will be able to gauge your feelings. I rather think it would be helping to you to "assist others". However, you are the only one who can decide if the timing is right, or if you grief is still 'too raw'. Volunteering could help make that decision for you.
It will bring back memories as many situations do - many little or not so little things can trigger a memory and bring up grief / sadness.
You 'may' feel that helping others where your mom was is 'giving back' - and like a full circle of love.
It is entirely up to you.
No one can tell you what your experience and ways of managing sadness (triggers) are; people can only share their projections of how they would be / and respond to you accordingly. But another's way and decision is or may not be yours.
I would recommend if you want the job, try it out and if it is too difficult emotionally and psychologically, leave. Then, you will know that you tried.
If it were me, perhaps I would ask: Why do I want this job? Will I feel sad 'most' of the time? With my feelings distract me from my work there? Will / would it help me heal to be there? (If people there you mom knew), would it help you to talk to people that knew your mom? Including staff?
It could be a supportive environment to (continue to) process your grief and sadness - or it could be too triggering. You may not know unless you try it.
How about making a list of all the things your mother liked/loved and look at those opportunities to volunteer or seek employment (e.g., pets - humane society or children - school volunteer or something that comforted her during her life - a place by the ocean or other landmark? Senior center, newsletter for senior activities, etc., reading to the blind or staffing a charity center.)
Sorry you lost your mother. Get yourself some grief therapy. Apply for the job. You will focus on helping someone else and earning money for yourself. If it turns out, like six months, it does not work out for you, quit and go a nursing home somewhere else, or go to aother type of facility.
You are right to be aware of the challenges that may confront you at the same place where your mother was; in fact are you perhaps considering the position there because you still have unresolved grief or other loss related concerns?
Please be sure that you have conferred with a grief counselor or therapist ( the two are different) to process your grief with guidance, before stepping into a facility where daily triggers may await you.
Then perhaps, consider a facility where your mother did not reside, if you still feel called to work in one.
I think there are probably at least 2 issues here - 1) that you are still grieving the loss of your mother and are looking for closure at the last place she resided and 2) you need a job and/or something to fill your days.
It might work for both issues. . The suggestion to volunteer there for long enough to find out if it works for you is a good one.
Others who have posted here have gone on to looking after seniors once their LO passed and it has been successful for them. If volunteering at that NH doesn't work foe you, some other similar occupation might.
As well, in terms of dealing with your grief, a grief group or grief counsellor would likely help you. I have used both, separately, in the past and found them good for me. Wishing you all the best in navigating this difficult phase in your life.
You need time to grieve. Volunteer only if this is your gift in life. If you volunteer, you might look for qualities of your mom in patients. As you begin to bond with patients, when they pass away, you will grieve continually. Give yourself time to grieve for your mom and then move on in your own life.
When your Mom was in the Nursing Home, did you feel positive about the care they gave? Did you interact with the other patients? Did you get along with the administrators and nurses? Has there been a significant turnover in staff since your Mom passed?
Getting a job there could help you move on past some of the grief that you had with your Mom's passing, however, only if you felt they did a great job and did the best work they could. On the other hand, you might find some other "hidden" decisions that they made that could have affected your Mom's life and that could make you question whether she lived the best life that she could.
It is kind of like working in a Subway. Some people, after working at a Subway, cannot stand the smell of bread rising and baking because it permeated their clothes, their hair and their being. Others would willingly work at Subway again because of the people they met and the staff that they worked with and they still enjoy the smell of the baking bread.
You are asking a question where there is no clear cut answer. I would apply, go for the interview, then decide whether you want to do it or not. If you have any doubts after the interview, I would decline the job offer, if offered. There are lots of other similar places that are begging for good help.
Nalanala: I am so sorry that your mother passed away and send deepest condolences. Be sure to consider that it may be difficult to work at this particular nursing home.
When your Mom was in the Nursing Home, did you feel positive about the care they gave? Did you interact with the other patients? Did you get along with the administrators and nurses? Has there been a significant turnover in staff since your Mom passed?
Getting a job there could help you move on past some of the grief that you had with your Mom's passing, however, only if you felt they did a great job and did the best work they could. On the other hand, you might find some other "hidden" decisions that they made that could have affected your Mom's life and that could make you question whether she lived the best life that she could.
It is kind of like working in a Subway. Some people, after working at a Subway, cannot stand the smell of bread rising and baking because it permeated their clothes, their hair and their being. Others would willingly work at Subway again because of the people they met and the staff that they worked with and they still enjoy the smell of the baking bread.
You are asking a question where there is no clear cut answer. I would apply, go for the interview, then decide whether you want to do it or not. If you have any doubts after the interview, I would decline the job offer, if offered. There are lots of other similar places that are begging for good help.
Even though their might be painful memories, it’s also the last place you ever spoke to her . Sometimes looking after others helps you without you realising it . She’d be proud that you want to continue helping others & knowing that she’s always going to be around . Will help put your mind at ease . As it’s a connection to which you can’t erase . I find this work helps with everything in your life . It makes you see the good & the bad . And it will also make you see that you loved your Mum . As doing this work you see a lot of families that just dump & run or don’t care . People with limited amount of clothes etc , even from people who can afford it but just have a million excuses . The industry needs people who care . As it’s a low paying job , but the rewards as small as they seem have long lasting results . And everyone deserves to see a happy , bright smile & someone too talk too everyday .
Have you gone back at all? Maybe stop in to see the staff? Would you consider putting in some Volunteer hours? Both of these would give you an idea as to how you would react. What position in the facility would you be applying for? If it is patient contact or office your reactions and feelings would be different. On the other hand as someone that has been through the journey you know what it is like and you might have a different way to solve problems.
Thinking about it though .. my opinion.... You say it is still hard for you after 2 years. You say you are afraid it will bring back memories. I think that you are not ready for this particular job. I am sure that there are other places looking for someone that has the qualifications you have for this job. Apply somewhere that you will have no previous connection.
I dont have an answer but do have a story that may or may not relate depending on what your end goal is.
A former girlfriend of mine was the primary care giver for two parents who died of cancer within 3 months of each other while still in low sixties
Tough time for her of course, but amongst her siblings she was considered the most incompetent for lack of a better word and unable to find direction in life However, she really rose to the occasion with her dying parents and was so patient and kind and helpful, people around her were amazed how competent she was.
She felt maybe she had found her calling in dealing with elderly so enrolled in seminary with the intent to be a chaplain in nursing facilities, hospices, etc.
In her internships, she soon found she was not able to deal with all the difficulties of such people, it was not like caring for her own flesh and blood and could not continue with that.
sorry, but I felt compelled to explain why I thought this MAY be applicable, even though it may not be.
In this case, when my ex girlfriend, who I will call "Lauren" because, well, that was her name said what she was going to do I, and her siblings, and others who considered ourselves amateur psychologists wondered by doing this she wasnt trying to somehow extend or relive those last few months with her parents which while difficult, were very precious to her as she was showing love to parents.
Turns out we may have in part been right as Lauren found caring for cancer patients who lost their faces etc, and with whom she had no connection was so much more difficult that doing hard things for her parents.
Again, this may have no applicability but when I read your story it made me think about that possibility.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You may have flashbacks of your mom. You’re probably going to be so busy that you won’t have a lot of free time to think about personal matters.
Good luck finding a job.
Nananala
Im sorry for your loss.
Maybe you’ve made your decision by now. I just saw your message.
You’re not alone (me too) this month will be 2 years. There’s a strong desire for me to help seniors and caregivers.
Whenever I visit the ALF she was in, I still get teary eyed. But it also warms my heart.
Maybe visiting a couple times will help you make your decision?
It’s hard to know how you will feel. There is no right or wrong answer.
You 'may' feel that helping others where your mom was is 'giving back' - and like a full circle of love.
It is entirely up to you.
No one can tell you what your experience and ways of managing sadness (triggers) are; people can only share their projections of how they would be / and respond to you accordingly. But another's way and decision is or may not be yours.
I would recommend if you want the job, try it out and if it is too difficult emotionally and psychologically, leave. Then, you will know that you tried.
If it were me, perhaps I would ask: Why do I want this job? Will I feel sad 'most' of the time? With my feelings distract me from my work there? Will / would it help me heal to be there? (If people there you mom knew), would it help you to talk to people that knew your mom? Including staff?
It could be a supportive environment to (continue to) process your grief and sadness - or it could be too triggering. You may not know unless you try it.
Gena / Touch Matters
Please be sure that you have conferred with a grief counselor or therapist ( the two are different) to process your grief with guidance, before stepping into a facility where daily triggers may await you.
Then perhaps, consider a facility where your mother did not reside, if you still feel called to work in one.
It might work for both issues. . The suggestion to volunteer there for long enough to find out if it works for you is a good one.
Others who have posted here have gone on to looking after seniors once their LO passed and it has been successful for them. If volunteering at that NH doesn't work foe you, some other similar occupation might.
As well, in terms of dealing with your grief, a grief group or grief counsellor would likely help you. I have used both, separately, in the past and found them good for me. Wishing you all the best in navigating this difficult phase in your life.
Getting a job there could help you move on past some of the grief that you had with your Mom's passing, however, only if you felt they did a great job and did the best work they could. On the other hand, you might find some other "hidden" decisions that they made that could have affected your Mom's life and that could make you question whether she lived the best life that she could.
It is kind of like working in a Subway. Some people, after working at a Subway, cannot stand the smell of bread rising and baking because it permeated their clothes, their hair and their being. Others would willingly work at Subway again because of the people they met and the staff that they worked with and they still enjoy the smell of the baking bread.
You are asking a question where there is no clear cut answer. I would apply, go for the interview, then decide whether you want to do it or not. If you have any doubts after the interview, I would decline the job offer, if offered. There are lots of other similar places that are begging for good help.
Getting a job there could help you move on past some of the grief that you had with your Mom's passing, however, only if you felt they did a great job and did the best work they could. On the other hand, you might find some other "hidden" decisions that they made that could have affected your Mom's life and that could make you question whether she lived the best life that she could.
It is kind of like working in a Subway. Some people, after working at a Subway, cannot stand the smell of bread rising and baking because it permeated their clothes, their hair and their being. Others would willingly work at Subway again because of the people they met and the staff that they worked with and they still enjoy the smell of the baking bread.
You are asking a question where there is no clear cut answer. I would apply, go for the interview, then decide whether you want to do it or not. If you have any doubts after the interview, I would decline the job offer, if offered. There are lots of other similar places that are begging for good help.
The industry needs people who care . As it’s a low paying job , but the rewards as small as they seem have long lasting results . And everyone deserves to see a happy , bright smile & someone too talk too everyday .
Would you consider putting in some Volunteer hours?
Both of these would give you an idea as to how you would react.
What position in the facility would you be applying for? If it is patient contact or office your reactions and feelings would be different.
On the other hand as someone that has been through the journey you know what it is like and you might have a different way to solve problems.
Thinking about it though .. my opinion....
You say it is still hard for you after 2 years.
You say you are afraid it will bring back memories.
I think that you are not ready for this particular job.
I am sure that there are other places looking for someone that has the qualifications you have for this job. Apply somewhere that you will have no previous connection.
A former girlfriend of mine was the primary care giver for two parents who died of cancer within 3 months of each other while still in low sixties
Tough time for her of course, but amongst her siblings she was considered the most incompetent for lack of a better word and unable to find direction in life However, she really rose to the occasion with her dying parents and was so patient and kind and helpful, people around her were amazed how competent she was.
She felt maybe she had found her calling in dealing with elderly so enrolled in seminary with the intent to be a chaplain in nursing facilities, hospices, etc.
In her internships, she soon found she was not able to deal with all the difficulties of such people, it was not like caring for her own flesh and blood and could not continue with that.
In this case, when my ex girlfriend, who I will call "Lauren" because, well, that was her name said what she was going to do I, and her siblings, and others who considered ourselves amateur psychologists wondered by doing this she wasnt trying to somehow extend or relive those last few months with her parents which while difficult, were very precious to her as she was showing love to parents.
Turns out we may have in part been right as Lauren found caring for cancer patients who lost their faces etc, and with whom she had no connection was so much more difficult that doing hard things for her parents.
Again, this may have no applicability but when I read your story it made me think about that possibility.