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I am going to make it short. Update on my husband and our relationship. He actually told me that he was even upset with the bed. He went to therapy and she asked what do you want to get out of it. He cried and said i just want to feel better. He started medication and we took some time off from my mom and that has helped too. Ok- my mom was up and the first morning My husband noticed she had an accident on the couch. We didn’t prepare and get a pad underneath. But she didn’t say one word. I know it is hard for her to get up but I don’t know if she just doesn’t care and then she sits in it. Well, she was supposed to take her water pill but she said she wasn’t so what would it be like if she was taking it. Well, it happened again and it was all over again. We did have the pads down. But she stayed in the same clothes. I went to get her on Tuesday and we took her home Saturday. I usually can get her to let me really wash her. I don’t know if you remember but my husband is putting that shower in her house. I doubt she will even use it. Anyway, everytime i would try to get her washed. Later. So, I at least put a towel and wash cloth in the bathroom. I forgot the soap and I said I got the soap in there oh okay later. It’s like she is afraid of water. Growing up she never showered, if she went to the doctor she took a bath. So, I am really concerned because sitting in a dirty diaper can’t be good and these accidents could be a health issue. I now understand why we need to move her to the other room Because it’s right by the bathroom. Okay, she never mentioned this at all. I know it’s embarrassing but it’s my couch. Thank god we didn’t get a new one, she also somehow got a stain on the mattress we had covered and that’s nee. That’s not the issue, when I asked her I just said mom are you feeling okay, i am concerned. I noticed that you had a couple accidents and I am worried that it could be an infection and I didn’t see you change. She got so angry with me and I said I know this is an embarrassing topic but I am really worried. Then she acted like she couldn’t hear me. I asked her what happened, she said sometime i can’t get there and it runs down my legs. She doesn’t even clean that up. Then I was cleaning her probably hasn’t been done since Vegas and she had a blister underneath her bra that pops and there is yeast. She is a larger woman and her bra is just not good. Does anyone have any suggestions for a bra for the older women with limited mobility and are heavy. So. I know there is a lot in here. Sorry back to the conversation, literally she was angry at me and she made her noises that I will not let her make me feel bad. I also realize that at her house she is farther away from the bathroom and I know she has accidents there and it goes to on a cover and she doesn’t want to wash it. It’s like there’s signs of pooh on the toilet on her bed. At least she is putting something down. I now know why she wears really old clothes at home. Okay again sorry for putting so much out there but if anyone can help me i would appreciate it. Oh nothing still with brother or family. Anyway love you guys.

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Thank you. All. She told me a long time ago her doctor suggested that she have her bladder fixed from having children. Happy holidays and I will be in touch. Love you
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Have her dr set up visiting nurses & they will get aides in there to give her a shower. My mom wouldn’t take a bath or shower either for the longest time.

I think she was embarrassed for me to help & would just get angry with me if I said anything. I’m pretty sure she was afraid of falling.

Now a nurses aid comes in every morning & they make sure she’s clean.
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If u can get Mom to use a shower use a chair and a handheld shower head. Rinse her down then turn it off. Soap her up then rinse. Mom had a bar in her shower that I had her hold onto while I did the back part. Had her spread her legs and washed with the shower head. Don't use soap in the private area, it can cause UTIs. In the 2 yrs Mom was with me she never suffered from one.
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2019
Never heard of soap causing a UTI. My mom always used soap and she never got a UTI. That’s interesting.
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They really can’t get to the bathroom in time. Everything wears out. It’s hell to get old. I don’t want to live that long if I lose all control.

I don’t even think diapers are the total answer because those become saturated and overflow too. It’s hard to stay on top of cleaning clothes, bedding, furniture, even mopping up the floor, etc.

There are meds for bladder control but some say the side effects aren’t tolerable. There are always new meds coming out. You could check into that.

I wish all of you well. Take care.
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Jada824 Dec 2019
I don’t want to live that long either the way my mom is living @ 97 but longevity runs on her side of the family....her dad was 101 when he passed & 2 of her siblings are in their 90’s & another in late 80’s.
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Hi, Staff! I deal with the same thing. My husband is also large and I have a very hard time keep him clean. Everything is stained and can get smelly. Daily washing of both him and his bedding is what I do. Does Mom wear Depends? That can cut down on the staining.

What about a bath aide? Daily bathing is really the only way to keep Mom from getting infections.

Sorry to hear about brother.

Love you, too!
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