My Mom is a smoker and that is totally up to her. I know she will not be able to quit, nor do I ask that she quit. However, she wants me to go to the store for her to purchase the cigs. I told her I will do this for her this one time but when the time comes around for her to get another carton, I will take her to the store and she can walk in. She has always made me get her cigarettes when I was younger and I vowed to not do that again. She can, albeit slower, walk into the store and get them herself. She should be running out quite quickly here, so let's see how this rolls. I do not want to argue with her at all, but if she wants them she can get them herself.
Whatever you decide to do, you have my blessing FWIW. Life is complicated. I don't judge your mother for smoking (Not much anyway) and I don't judge you for being driven crazy by it. Good luck.
For her it's perfect, she has a cute pink purse she keeps them in, she can use them anytime she is nervous or anxious. She has a very nervous personality, she takes the cap off and takes two puffs and puts it away. She is using the same tiny bottle of fluid I bought in March, so I know she doesn't smoke much.
Her former doctor said she would never quit and let her smoke, but it's an issue getting her all the way up to the smoking room and she can't go when she wants. We are all very happy about this, I know she will never quit.
I feel for you, I used to buy mom's cigarettes, because she couldn't see to pay for them, she doesn't drive and walking/balance has been an issue for a few years.
I quit smoking over 25 years ago before I had my daughter, as I did not think it would be a good example for her. Besides, I sing so the two do not mix, although I remember it was great for keeping my weight down. Negative nutrition!
If your Mother is not interested in being healthy, and if it is one of her few indulgences, then I think she should participate in obtaining them. You know, the thrill of the hunt?
In fact, I'd absolutely do a little 'tit for tat' with them. Is there any other battle you're waging with mom's behaviors? As a former smoker (21 years and counting) I can tell you cigarettes would be an effective bargaining chip.
Start with something like "Mom, you should know how much your smoking has always hurt me and how much it would pain me to actually buy the cigarettes that destroy your health. But, I am willing to do it for you because I know you don't want to give them up. All I ask is that you...."
I still wish she would quit, but she won't. I want her to be happy in her final time with us, and if 2-3 cigarettes a day is all it takes then so be it.
"A 2006 surgeon general's report confirmed that secondhand smoking (also called involuntary or passive smoking) can kill, and it concluded that there is no amount of exposure to secondhand smoke that is safe. The more secondhand smoke you breathe in, the more your health risks increase.
Here are a few statistics on the effects of secondhand smoke exposure:
126 million nonsmoking Americans are exposed to secondhand smoke at home and work.
Secondhand smoke exposure causes nearly 50,000 deaths in adult nonsmokers in the U.S. each year.
Nonsmokers increase their risk of developing lung cancer by 20% to 30% and heart disease by 25% to 30% when they are exposed to secondhand smoke.
About 3,000 deaths from lung disease in nonsmokers each year are caused by secondhand smoke exposure.
An estimated 46,000 nonsmokers who live with smokers die each year from heart disease.
Between 150,000 and 300,000 children under the age of 18 months get respiratory infections (such as pneumonia and bronchitis) from secondhand smoke; 7,500 to 15,000 of them must be hospitalized.
More than 40% of children who visit the emergency room for severe asthma attacks live with smokers.
Secondhand smoke can have a number of serious health effects on nonsmokers, particularly cancer and heart disease."
Again, it seems that the bias is not in favour of the health of the caregiver. In my view, the health of the caregiver is primary. I agree with choosing your battles, keeping your charge as happy as you can, but not at the expense of your own health. There are options - the e-cigarette is one of them. And people can quit. I am speaking as an ex smoker from several lifetimes ago. Two of my children smoked - one well into his 40's and they both have quit. My ex and my father quit in their 50's. It can be done. and there are health benefits to the one who does and their families. Please look after you. I know this is not an easy problem.((((((hugs)))))
Not only do adult children of smokers have to make this decision., but children of elders with other addictions do, too. Alcohol and drugs are used widely by the elders we are caring for. A dilemma such as yours is being faced daily by countless caregivers. Please keep in touch on this forum and discuss it. You and others can keep brainstorming.
Carol
But really, the end result is that she is going to smoke. Does it matter who stood at the checkout counter? Not to me.
My Mom smokes. My sisters who did her shopping for her bought her cigarettes for years and years. Now the family has a better solution -- e-cigarettes. Mom now has dementia and the safety considerations of her handling matches, and the burn holes in her carpet and the chair sits in all day were scary. It took several days for her to get used to them but she is perfectly content with the new-fangled smokes.