As you scratching your head this is some sort of doup. Tis a fact. My mom as myself where in a major accident Christmas eve 1971. Mom severe traumatic brain injury never rt again a dad that couldn't handle it became an alcholic. I was 1 st birn with 2 siblings m/f. The weight was always on me mom passed 3 1/2 yrs in nursing home which killed me, No help from siblings now round 2 dad in home with alzheimers also no help. Tore my heart to leave him while holding back tears don't leave me hear. Need help also to work from home to give him honor till his time is over. Not crazy yet but diffently need solutions please help Im diminishing always been the glue. Respond ASAP THANKS WITH ALL MY HEART AS SANITY
Could you create another screen name? "Damaged" seems so permanent and hopeless. Nicks like "Lyf Sux" and "Psycho Daughter" are also out of the question. How about "Tough 48" or "Ms. Mango"?
My therapist hated it when I would say that I'm 'damaged good' (from childhood.) She said that I'm a survivor. Just as you're a survivor. Maybe one day, when you no longer identify as being totally damaged, you will change your name?
See a counselor or therapist. This is very important because you don't have the tools you need to help yourself yet.
You did the right thing by placing your father. There is nothing wrong with putting someone where they can get the care they need. It does not have to be you.
To get past this, you are going to have to confront some experiences & feelings from the past you may not want to visit again, but it's part of the recovery process.
You are going to have to change your thinking. There are a lot of programmed messages you tell yourself and you're not even aware you're doing it, much less need to change it until you start talking to someone who can help you.
Early parentification of children is very damaging. It's too much pressure & responsibility too early in life before coping skills have developed. We turn out as people pleasers and harmony makers. I can't stand loud arguing & fighting because of what I saw/heard in my childhood. We turn out with PTSD from all those experiences so long ago. It doesn't take much to push those buttons in adulthood.
We end up not being able to get along with our peers because we have had to grow up and do adult things, and they have not. Even now, my friends from high school & college have parents 15-20 years younger than my mom. They are not dealing with any old-age stuff yet. This is a reality none of them are in.
I get annoyed by their carefree antics, but I know I shouldn't. I'm just jealous of their freedom.
You can recover from this, but you have to be willing to put the effort in. A counselor is only a guide. You have to do the work to make anything change. The people here on this site can be a huge support for you.