Hello. I have been a live-in 24/7 caregiver to my sister's mother-in-law with dementia for 7 years. I have an oppurunity to move out and get my own place. Another sister has a apartment that she need to rent. She asked me because she knows this job has been so stressful and mentally exhausting, taking a toll on my health. She wants me to find peace and get some kind of life back. She would not charge me much. I would not have a job, but right now I believe for my sanity and health, it might be best to take a step back after I move to get myself back. It would be the best thing to take the apartment to get some kind of life back. The other thing is, I thought when I did move out here I would back out state I would be moving to is in the state I live in now, but maybe this could be a stepping stone, but it would be my place. The other thing is the daughter would have to place her mother and I know it would be hard for her. I have to think of myself and health so I am conflicted, but I know it the best for me to get out of this situation, because like I said, it's 24/7 and not much time off and it is taking a toll. It's not going to change and the lady getitng worse. Thank you. Sorry this is so long. I just need help in my decision.
This way you can have your space. You can relax, decompress and not have to worry about being awoken at 3 am to do what ever needed to be done.
You can take the hours that you have for yourself and begin to look for other work in whatever field you want. Or you can take some classes at the local Community College.
But if you feel that it would be best for you to fully step back do so. Or take a 2 or 3 week vacation then return to the caregiving job but again only for limited hours. (Unless during your vacation you find a job)
With all the suggestions you are going to get do what you feel is going to be right. Trust your Gut instinct
I believe you have been given a gift too. I am not a religious person. per say, but maybe God is trying to say, its time to move on. If this woman has had Dementia for 7 years, she probably now needs LTC. Take this opportunity and step away from caregiving for a while. Find something different for now.
Looks like one sister is on your side.
Give notice of at least one month that you will be moving to your own place and will not be able to continue care. Are you hoping to do ANY care going forward? If so, tell them what hours you would be available, what their costs would be. Be paid, and pay taxes on the money you receive as salary. If you would rather go on with education and/or job then do so. The longer you delay then the more difficult this will be. 7 years is a long time. You deserve your own life. DO KNOW that what is now seeming a godsend of a good friend giving you a real break on cost of living may not last, so be ready to be on your own, working and paying rent.
If there is argument just don't "go there". Just say you are sorry, you know this is difficult for them, but that you must think now of yourself and your own life. Wishing you luck. Hoping you will update us.
Best of luck to you.
Why would you destroy your own life for your sister's MiL?
The person you were seven years ago when you took on this responsibility is not the person you are today. You need to recapture the good parts of the old you and let go of the bad parts of the new you. If one of your sisters can see how this has worn you down, surely the other sister is aware as well.
I hope the transition goes smoothly and that there is no family rift because of this. Perhaps this is the very thing your sister and bil need to get them to move forward with a placement for mom. Wishing you all the best.
You have done the very best you could, to help this lady live at home for 7 years. You have given her and your daughter a BEAUTIFUL GIFT.
Now, you OWE YOURSELF the gift of wellness, peace, comfort, and FREEDOM.
You took on a very difficult responsibility, honored it, and have now come to realize that you are also an important responsibility, TO YOURSELF.
Enjoy EVERY SECOND in your new apartment. See new things, try some new adventures.
You are Blessed for having stepped up. Relish every moment of your future.
and don’t agree to any ‘part time ‘
situations.
when you’re ready look for another line of work .
best of luck
What will happen when your sister's MIL dies? --you will be left on your own! unless she is wealthy and leaves a fortune to you in her will, I would take that opportunity to leave this situation.
Things seem to fall into place for you right now.
You already made up your mind and thought of all the pros and cons and you need to put yourself first. It is your life and as many people mentioned, the lady’s issues will only get worse and not easier to handle for you.
Best of luck and best wishes! 🙂
Best wishes
Courage! You can do this. Banish negative thoughts and uncertainties. You'll be so grateful to yourself when you're on the other end.
Are you planning to quit the caregiving entirely, give notice, and then move? Or are there any expectations of what you will be doing for 'family' once you move?
Proceed with a wonderful opportunity to get yourself free!