I’m a full time RN, wife and mother of 3. I work all day, then come home to take care is my mom. My husband is disabled and cares for her while I’m gone, as well as takes care of our 6 month old.
My mom had a bad stroke 4 years ago with left sided deficits. She then had lung cancer and went through chemo which got it all. They did prophylactic radiation to the brain, which made her mental state and mobility a lot worse. She had another small stroke and went to in patient rehab and was recently discharged back home.
She basically refuses to do anything for herself anymore. She has fallen before, and instead of asking for help, she has stayed in her bed. Won’t get up to go to the bathroom. Uses briefs, and throws them on her floor. The smell of urine from her room is beyond awful. I asked her what was going on, and she basically lied when I asked her if she’s been getting up to go
to the bathroom. I know it’s embarrassing, but I just don’t understand how she thinks this is okay to do.
I have been in tears because this is my mom, but I don’t know what to do from here. She’s just refusing to care for herself and is content to soil herself and do nothing about it.
Of course, you care. That is natural but have you considered placing her in a facility? How does your husband cope caring for her while you are working if he is caring for your baby?
anytime I even try to have a conversation with her regarding anything, she gets defensive with me and tells me “well just put me in a nursing home.”
my husband is a saint. Sure, he gets really frustrated with her, but he never shows it to her. I broke down one night sobbing begging him not to resent me over all of this. Which he would never do, but I just felt so defeated.
I have absolutely NO help. I have a sister in Florida and one in our town. The sister in Florida has helped me more than my brother. She actually took her for the summer 2 years ago to give us a break. I am estranged from my brother. His wife started a whole bunch of drama with the family, it was horrible. I just had enough and drew the line and I wasn’t going to object my kids to that. They know of all of her health problems, and haven’t lifted a finger. My sister and I have been talking about long term placement, she supports it and know it’s getting to be way too much, plus there’s a safety issue with her being a fall risk. But she even said “you know that is going to make some people mad.” Referencing our brother. And they would. They would blame me for everything and I would be the world’s most worthless daughter. But where have they been for the past 4 years? I would say they can take her into their home, but they are so nasty and vindictive, I would never be able to see her or talk to her, and they would do it purely out of spite.
So sorry you are going through this.
Just. Wow.
This is too much.
Definitely is time for a SNF.
Do not worry about estranged brother's opinion. If he "cared" he would be trying to see his mom. The only thing he will care about is any inheritance.
It sure sounds like your mother has given UP. But you have a lot of life left to live and you owe it to yourself, your children and your husband to go about doing just THAT!
Best of luck
Do your job as a nurse at work, do your job as a wife and mother at home.