I'd been at mom's house for a month & recently returned to TN to get infusion today @ 2:45 is my treatment. Her neighbor's are helping me until I return. My 81 yr old step father walked out on her 11/13/2018 & never told me or my siblings in California she'd been on Medication for this disease since September of 2016. I noticed her short term memory stuff on September 11th while on vacation this year. I'm the only one helping/taking care of mom. It's 24/7 even while I am home.
I hired an attorney yesterday to file for an emergency hearing. Help please. I'm losing it quickly & so is my Momma. She's 78, I'm 59 on Saturday 12/22/18...thxs for any and all support. I'm learning here.
Are you filing for guardianship? Have the attorney also help you file for Medicaid. Mom needs to be in a facility. Your health will suffer if you continue to have to travel back and forth and take care of your mother. The help from the neighbors is great, But it’s a lot to ask of them. And, Mom shouldn’t be alone.
Good luck. Hope it all works out for you.
1) If she has resources, move her closer to your home and put her in a memory care facility.
2) If she is broke, bring her to your home to establish residence in your state and find a facility that accepts Medicaid and get her on the wait list, Medicaid pending.
3) Move your family into her home to care for her.
None of the choices are any good, this awful disease leaves families making choices based on the lesser evils. It is gut wrenching and the hardest thing you will ever face as a daughter. I am so sorry your family has to go through this. HUGS!
Just because her husband abandoned her doesn't mean he is no longer financially responsible. I may be wrong but I don't believe that he can divorce her because she is no longer competent. It may have become to much for him, she may have refused to take her meds, became abusive and compative. Can I gently correct you, they didn't tell you she was on medication for this. It wasn't his decision alone, I promise you she was aware at the time she started the meds and for whatever reason she didn't want her kids to know. He lived what you are experiencing, so for your own wellbeing don't be angry. But make sure that whatever she is entitled to financially she gets.
Please, please, please make sure that you interview several attorneys to ensure you all are getting the best possible representation. These 1st meetings should be free, if not, go to someone else. Attorneys that won't do free consultation are to hungry and will cost a fortune.
You really want a firm so it is a one stop shop, trust me on this.
Having personally watched 2 grandmas go through this I can tell you this is not a do it yourself in any way, shape or form. As much as you love her, this brain is not your momma. Home care is nearly impossible they require so much supervision and homes have many dangers, stoves, even crock pots. The likelyhood that something tragic will happen is high and gets higher as the disease progresses unless there is 24/7 supervision and no access to items and appliances that misused can cause fires, explosions and such. I say all of this to encourage you to seek a facility. No one will be happy about it, but she will get the care she needs and you can be her daughter and advocate. You will just be visiting at a different address.
Be gentle and kind to yourself as you make these hard choices, don't feel guilty about placing her, remember she is not the woman you know as momma and needs a tremendous amount of care that only a professional setting can provide.
Hugs, take care of you during all of this.
You are currently undergoing treatment in a different state from where your mother lives?
What is the emergency hearing about - has your lawyer started a guardianship application?
Are you in touch with your siblings?
Sorry that this is all questions and no answers; but try not to panic. There will be answers. Sit somewhere quiet for five minutes and breathe slowly and deeply.
Seems mom's issues have been brewing for some time. Don't feel like you blew it/didn't notice. It can be sneaky, appear like normal behavior/traits until that Oh my god! moment. I'm a social worker and live with my elder elder parents and even I and their regular MD had been clueless until mom and dad went to visit my sister and the change in routine and environment made me get the 10 signs of Alzheimer's from the association.
They and their support groups can be an immense help. See if there is a chapter and a support group near you as others going through the same (or where your mother is) will have already learned and experienced the better and worst of resources.. It is very important that you understand how the lawyers operate and just because they are members of that group (as one should be) does not mean they are the one you want. Make sure they will answer a simple question without the RRR billing at their normal hourly rate (read, review, respond). We got rid of the first attorney that had an outstanding reputation.
BTW, I'm not a huge fan of this staging thing. What difference does it make? There are issues and symptoms and they just have to be dealt with day by day, although clearly planning and safety issues come into play.
take good care. of you especially!
I agree that you don't know what he has been going thru but that doesn't give him the right to walk out. Is the house hers or owned jointly? I say this because if hers you can sell and use the money for her care. I read the options that Isthisreal posted. I personally would not give up my home to live with Mom. At her stage, I would not bring her to my home permanently. If she can afford it, an AL but an NH is inevitable so I may try to find a nice one. She will only get worse. She will become incontinent as time goes on. You will not be able to care for her physically.
However, she asked for options and in reality it is an option, not a good one but an option nonetheless. You read from folks here that do it all the time JoAnn
Good Luck and God Bless.