I'm the Power of Attorney for my mom. I have 3 other sisters. My mom still lives at her home. We have a schedule in taking care of her. She has slight dementia but can still dress herself. Because most of my sisters work I have been taking care of my mom 4 days Mon-Thurs from 10am-6:30pm. One sister only watches her on Fridays the other 2 switch the weekends. I have been stressed out in many ways and now I have requested that I need it to be only 3 days that I will come in. From then all hell's broke loose. No one wants to do the Thursday and they have stress because I'm in charge and I need to figure this out myself. One sisters lives with my mom and refuses to come through even when she's home. There is a lot of drama going on now. Does the POA have to be the one to make this decision or are my sister's being unfair?
Since you are the one in control of the purse strings you are perfectly justified in using your mother's money to pay for outside caregivers to fill the gap.
Have you considered that your mother's needs will continually increase and may continue for years, even decades? I think your current care plan is unsustainable and it is time to explore your options.
If mom has enough assets, especially liquid (aka funds), you can bring in help or find a place for her. Before placing her, are there any adult day care places available that she might be able to go to? This could be an interim solution. If she does not have enough assets, then Medicaid would have to be considered, which either would require selling the house or having a lien put on it, which would mean Medicaid can recoup their costs after she passes.
Does she own the house free and clear (no mortgage)? Has she been deemed incompetent? (NOTE: even is she has been deemed incompetent, POA does NOT give one that power to move her! I know from first hand experience and feedback from EC atty when she refused to consider moving!)
I would explore your options and proceed as if you have no siblings. For the most part this is what I have to do despite having 2 brothers!
Does the sister that lives with mom pay rent and utilities? If not she needs to start so that money can be used to hire an aid for mom.
The hardest thing to realize is that each one of you get to decide how much, if any caregiving you will be providing. If they don't want to help you can't force them, but you can make arrangements that they have no say in. They don't get to tell you that you have to do it either.
Of course mom doesn't want to go to a facility or change her life in any way, but she may have to. She needs more care then 1 person can provide. Look at her finances and see what options are available for her care.
Good luck, it is not fun being the assigned decision maker for your parent. Hugs! You can do this.
I was logistical care for my parents and that was exhausting in itself. I couldn't imagine doing hands-on. Please note close to 40% of family caregivers die leaving behind the love one they were caring. Imagine if you or one of your sisters pass on due to stress related issues. Other plans need to be made.
It probably has come to a point where your sisters are feeling they are enabling Mom to continue to stay in her house, and as others had mentioned on this forum it will only get more demanding since, as per your profile, your Mom has Alzheimer's/dementia.
Time to look at other options. My Dad sold his house [his choice] and moved to Independent Living as he was able to use the equity form the house for his rent. He loved it there. Later he needed to move to the facility's Assisted Living/Memory Care, and that worked out great.
Even with a parent being in senior living, one's caregiving does not stop. You are still on call for medical appointments, shopping, etc. And making sure your parent's ducks are all in a row regarding legal paperwork such as Wills, Medical Directives, etc.
Time for a family meeting. Listen to what each sister has to say. Ask for suggestions. This is for Mom best interest meeting.
My mil has lived next door to us for almost 7 years since my fil passed away. She has dementia and is incontinent. I was angry and bitter because she has four children and my husband and I do it all. I finally confronted his brother who lives about twenty minutes away. He informed me that he is not his mother’s caregiver and he is not our respite. He owes his mom and us nothing. I finally realized this was reality and it would not change. We have an agency come in every week day. If we want a vacation, she goes into respite care at a nursing home. It’s very sad to me that my husbands family is so disconnected but me harboring anger gets us nowhere.
We certainly can't make them help in any way or change their mindset (concrete!), so the only option is to find a way to get help from outside the family. As you say, the anger gets us nowhere and can be physically destructive to ourselves, so it is best to let that go!
If the person has enough assets, USE them to bring in help or place them in a facility or day program. If they don't have assets and can qualify for Medicaid, same deal. If the others complain, remind them they had the option to help out, but chose rather to say it was YOUR job, so you have DONE your job, end of discussion!