Dad has an assessment to go to a new care facility and they have asked me to be there and dad wants me there. But it's during my work hours and I'm just starting a new job.
Mom has upcoming doctor appointments. Shes gone by herself before, but then I found out she wasn't telling me the truth about what the doctor said.
I go with dad to his appointments because he has onset of Lewy Body Dementia and can't remember what the doctor tells him.
How do I make this work when I have to work Monday thru Friday 9 to 6? I also work 20 minutes out of town so I can't make an appointment for during my lunch hour. I'm am only child, we moved here a year ago to take care of mom and dad now in care facilities so we don't really know anyone, and husband doesn't drive due to health reasons. He can take Uber but he doesn't remember or write down important details of visit.
I get three personal days, and two sick days before my employer starts with “writing up” teachers for excessive absences. The stress of having to meet with union representation in the principals office is not worth the rest I might get from a day off..... so I go in sick. (True story: My doc called me at 9am at work on the last day before Xmas break to tell me I tested positive for type B influenza... and I told my school secretary, so I got sent home at 10 when they found coverage and charged me for the entire day off as a sick day!!!)
so, I’d check on your employer’s policies about leave. In my case, it’s best if the boss doesn’t know that there’s any issue with attendance. Otherwise, there is a big red target on your back, and because the policies are so strict and so final, it doesn’t matter what the reason is. When my dad had a stroke while picking up my mother from a week-long hospital stay, my mother called me at 2:20pm frantic. They lived 120 miles from me. I called the office, in tears, and explained the emergency. Guess what? “There’s no one to cover your room” I had to wait until 3:10 pm and dismiss my class, seeing all the parents after I was crying... not knowing if my dad was still alive! (And I had 30 6-year old students, so I couldn’t take a moment to process the news or stay on the phone with my mom)
i hope your employer is easier to talk to. If not, seriously consider hiring help, or the stress from having to juggle appointments after work will take its toll!
Have you tried your local church if you attain.Maybe someone there could help. I would also talk to the facility that you plan on sending your dad to and ask what recommendation they might suggest. They might know of an organization in your area that could help. I understand your problem for I am also starting a new job and I take care of my mother.It is difficult. From what I have read all the suggestion are very good. Pick one of them and get started. If it is not what you can do choose another. Where there is a will there is a way.
Many blessing to you and your family
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This isn’t an overnight process, especially if you need just a few hours a week. You will need to meet with the agency to complete a care plan, then they will typically send a nurse to do a safety inspection on the residence. tell them the level of care you need. If it’s just for chaperoning a doctor appointment now, you might find that later on you will need more services. It’s a good idea to get started enlisting help! Best wishes
They are in a facility now,.do they provide transportation for appointments?
The geriatric care manager will be very helpful to you, especially through the first.year with this new employer.
There are many ways to deal with this, and the solution will depend on what your job is.
Can you work on Saturday or Sunday, and switch out one of the weekdays so that you are both available to your parent and working a full work week?
Can you take 4 hours (1/2 day) OFF weekly, and make up that time at home?
Can you start this job with a shorter work week while you are getting your parents settled?
And I agree with another answer, you should be able to hire a competent sitter who would be able to accompany your parents to appointments and bring you back a full report.
Every single person you know (including your boss!) has a family and every family has situations, be it an elderly parent with dementia, an adult with mental health issues, a child with disabilities-- I don't think too many of us live in a perfect Leave It To Beaver world where everyone is gosh darn healthy.
Good luck. I hope you find the right solution!
In the long run, a good Patient Advocate will help you prepare to navigate the stormy waters ahead.
I would ask during this conversation what would be the best case scenario for future appointments that you need to attend to, ie are Tuesday afternoons better for the company then say Friday mornings. Let them tell you what is best. Then reschedule appointments that are at the worse possible times.
I would not start telling them what the law says they have to do, because they will find a way to fire you before you have an opportunity to become a legal problem for them. I don't care how nice they are, any employee that talks like they will sue will be replaced, it is to expensive to litigate employee issues and who wants someone to bring that to work.
As Tacy said, be a stellar employee and they will want to work with you. The more valuable you are the more you are valued.
But tell them asap and apologize for not bringing it up in the interview.
I hope that you can juggle everything on your plate, you may have to be creative and flexible, but I think it is great that you are going back to work. I believe that we all feel healthier and more balanced when we are productive.
Best of luck!
With 3 compromised people you are way over your head and it's only going to get more intense. Can your parents hire a part-time companion from a service like Visiting Angels who can shuttle them around and take notes at appointments?
Side note: why do facilities disrespect working people by insisting on scheduling care conferences and appointments in the middle of work weeks? Right in the middle of the day? Why not evenings and weekends?
Wishing you success.
You can ask, but don't be surprised if they aren't happy about it.
Even at my current job where my team (24 nurses) we have to request PTO and hope we get it. If the request overlaps or more than 2 of us ask for the same time off, the rest of us just move forward and change our dates.
Its not going to look good for you taking that time off unless you have discussed it at the interview.
Yes employers are more aware of the emotional needs of their employees, but they are in business after all, and if you have a small office where it is expected you are there and ready to work, whether your employer is “good” or not, your absence will affect the rest of your team.
Bottom line: Usually there is an evaluation after 90 days when the employer can let you go without any valid reason or simply stating that what they have seen re your performance is that you aren’t progressing as you should after 90 days. It may be more difficult to fire you if you pass your 90 day evaluation, but attendance at work is a solid basis for employee performance evaluation & termination.
This is your life and you have to begin to live it. Your parents are being cared for. It’s time you take care of you.
Set some boundaries with your parents. Join patient portals associated with your and your parents’ medical groups. Make sure you are listed for HIPPA info. But honestly it is unrealistic you will allowed to be a
on a flex schedule or given any additional consideration that isn’t given to another employee. It wouldn’t be fair no matter what.
Prioritize one or the other and keep your balance between both. You have to work to cover your own insurance & pay into SS for yourself. Work to find the work/personal balance between taking care of your parents (who are receiving 24/7 care). They have lived their lives and careers. Now it’s your turn. You can’t be all things to all people all the time. Shift priorities to you and your future needs. Your parents will have to understand this as well.
Another fact: you are replaceable. Realize this. If you want this job you will more than likely need to choose between the job or your parents doctor appts.
Your manager also also has a manager who is scrutinizing them - their use of payroll hours, staff coverage, employee productivity. It’s still a business. Bottom line. I’ve been on both sides; managed a hemodialysis clinic for 15 yrs. No matter how much I liked someone, bottom line managers must be objective and be consistent in managing employees. If no one else gets that perk, neither should you.
FMLA is usually not a benefit offered until you’ve worked at least one year, and if the business has less than 50 employees they aren’t required to offer it.
If possible let your employer know about this upcoming appt that you must keep and going forward make every effort not to have to leave work intermittently during the day.
I wish you good luck. I hope you enjoy your new position. Remember it’s your time to work for your future.
You might look into hiring a Geriatric Care manager in the short term to manage this.
You need to decide which appointments you must attend and which it might be nice to attend.
When you take Dad for the facility tour, ask them about rides to appointments. It should be part of what they do.
You need to hire someone to take Mum to her appointments. Send a note along ahead of the appointment so the doctor knows what is what. You could ask permission to audio record the appointments.
Back in my 20’s I drove a single Mum’s daughter to her orthodontist monthly. The Mum was a school teacher and could not take time off. I drove another child to preschool once a week. I was just a neighbour, but some agencies may offer this service too.