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My 92 year old mom is an unsafe driver and I am of course very concerned that she will hurt herself or others. Despite being told details of her unsafe driving habits and knowing her health issues, my mom's doctors won't report her, but say it is up to me - so I will do that.


In California, the form for reporting an unsafe driver (requesting re-examination) clearly states that they won't accept anonymous reports, the person reporting has to provide their identifying information and that they don't guarantee confidentiality, so basically the dangerous driver can find out who reported them.
Has anyone here in this forum reported their loved one as a dangerous driver, did they find out who reported them and if so, who told them?

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From dmv.ca.gov Potentially Unsafe Driver

"Confidentiality
Each request must be signed for authentication purposes. However, you may request that your name not be revealed to the individual being reported. Confidentiality will be honored to the fullest extent possible. We understand that reporting someone, especially a patient, relative, or close friend, is a sensitive issue and DMV does not want to harm your relationship with that person. However, we also want to make sure that potentially unsafe drivers are evaluated. All records received by DMV which report a physical or mental condition are confidential and cannot be made public (California Vehicle Code (CVC) §1808.5) unless mandated by law."
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DoingMyBest2 Jan 2020
Thank you so much for posting this - it is somewhat reassuring! The part where they say, "However, we also want to make sure that... " is what gives me pause. I would feel better about it if they didn't use the word "however" but said "and" we also want to make sure that..." I see on my form that it says confidentiality will be honored "to the fullest extent possible" but it still makes me a bit nervous, like my mom could still find out somehow, maybe from a DMV employee who doesn't care to honor it. Not only is mom very unpleasant to deal with at times, it seriously stresses me out and affects my health plus it is very important to me to not lose her confidence. She is vulnerable to those who have taken advantage of her by playing on her sympathies, some are in frequent contact with her and they always tell her they think she is just fine - it has been very difficult to protect her from herself the last few years and the vultures circling around her. Because of the decrease in her critical thinking skills, she's been in numerous financial jams due to unscrupulous car mechanics, service providers, even church people and it ends up falling to me to help her get things straightened out. I don't want her to fall victim to these people anymore, and if she stops trusting me due to reporting her, she would be easy prey for them.
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Why are you worried that Mum may find out you reported her? Surely you have already expressed your concerns to her, what does it matter if she knows you are the one who contacted DMV?
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DoingMyBest2 Jan 2020
While she can be sweet (mostly to non-family members who aren't around her very much) my mom stresses virtually everyone in our family out - she has never been a typical mom and has never been someone you could reason with, everyone dislikes and tries to avoid having to face her wrath and the aftermath of her hashing it over and over forever and never letting you forget it. She is extremely proud that she is "still driving," it is a huge part of her identity, pride and independence to be able to get around as she needs to and I understand that last part of course. I live about 40 miles away from her so am not able to ferry her around as often as she wants (which would be pretty much every day,) but did help her move from out of state to an independent living community she chose and likes. It unfortunately has very limited (according to her) transportation, so I got her signed up for GoGoGrandparent (like uber but no smartphone required) but she has problems understanding her mobile phone as it is and doesn't really want to use it - she wants to drive. She says she doesn't need to use the service, she thinks she drives just fine, of course.

Several in our family as well as myself and her other doctors have all expressed our concerns and recommendations about her stopping driving over the last two years and she gets really incensed, digs in and becomes even more determined to drive just to show us we are wrong - no matter how nice or how direct one we have been with her, it is always counterproductive and more dangerous. This is actually not anything new in her personality but now her critical thinking skills are more impaired. She has always been somewhat this way about just about everything.

One of my cousins is an occupational therapist who specializes in driver rehab and anytime my mom talks to her she tells my mom she should not be driving but it pushes my mom to drive more. My cousin could report her also, but won't! I do care that mom is ok and not a danger to others, feel like I have no one backing me up with reporting, nobody wants to deal with mom and it is frustrating. Mom has said that she would continue to drive without a license if she ever loses it, and she means it, so I will tell DMV that also.
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Please save some lives. If she is dangerous, pressure doctors to report her. They may not like it, but they ought to consider that if they fail to report, especially a medical condition that mandates reporting, they could be liable.
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DoingMyBest2 Jan 2020
I am going to send in the report to the DMV but just seriously pray she doesn't find out who sent it because it would complicate keeping her safe from money grubbing vultures who flatter her and play on her sympathies. Her new doctors have been no help with reporting her to the DMV. I have definitely pressured them, written detailed letters to them (my own neurologist in the same clinic told me to do that and fax them to the doctors as they're more likely to read those) and the doctors know all the multiple medical issues she has that should trigger mandated reporting, but nope. I also would have thought they'd be concerned about liability for not reporting to the DMV, but apparently not these doctors.
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do you have a friend in law enforcement that could report her to the DMV? I think it’s very unlikely they will tell her who submitted the report but I understand why you don’t want to open that can of worms. Good luck!
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DoingMyBest2 Jan 2020
That is an idea! I don't really know anyone well that is in law enforcement, though my daughter's neighbor is a police officer and I might be able to ask him. I definitely hope that my mom never finds out who reported her - it would make keeping her safe even more difficult and make her more vulnerable to the bunch of enablers who like soaking her for money.
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I'm also in CA. My SIL reported my FIL twice ... and ... he passed the DMV test with flying colors. Twice.

The thing that FINALLY worked was ... he got a new primary care doc. After a couple of more incidents, she told him she would NEVER okay his driving again. He now has a State ID.

Apparently, CA DMV got into legal trouble after wrongful license revocations. They then swung the other way, toward revoking NO licenses if they could possibly avoid doing so.

If you're in CA, a doctor's determination may be the ONLY way to go.

Grabbing car keys, and/or disabling the car, do not work in *every* situation. My MIL was a competent driver, and she needed that car. She could not hike to go get it. Plus, my FIL had it together just enough to call his friends, and foil any attempt to disable it.
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DoingMyBest2 Jan 2020
Oh my goodness, twice? It certainly makes you wonder how in the world they can pass the test, if the examiner is being extra lenient or something with them! My mom does not turn her head to check her blind spots or when she is backing up, has limited peripheral vision and can't see that far ahead and she can't see well enough to drive at night so she generally doesn't do that, but of course, how would they even know that she shouldn't drive after dark? I will add that to the information on the reporting form and pray she doesn't pass the behind the wheel test and also pray that she never finds out it was me that made the report. So far I have gotten no help from my mom's new doctors - she likes them also and doesn't want to change.
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Going through the exact same thing with my father in law in MI. He cant change batteries in a flashlight or remember how to change a light bulb or even remember how to open the hood of his car ( he was a life long mechanic )cant dress himself  etc...but my mother in law has him driving her to STUPID places EVERY day. SHE has said multiple times he needs to quit driving.... but then her fun ends. he would gladly stop driving if he could he says he's scared to drive but my mid life crisis mother in law ( 81 years old ) wont let him. Its disturbing. I wanted to report him to DMV  but didn't when they demand your information. If she found out it was me there would be war in the family. So I guess we just sit back and wait for something horrible to happen. my husband has told his mom that dad needs to stop driving but  she wont listen and he says its his moms responsibility to stop him from driving not his. Shes the most hard headed person I have ever met in my life....always right never wrong etc....so now I wait for a phone call every day that something bad has happened.. I'm almost considering making a call to adult protective services but not sure if this is the right circumstances or not. My mother in law resents her husband for getting sick and Ruining her life ( that is what she actually says ) and she really does not look out for his best interest, only worried that shes stuck at home taking care of him. Very sad situation, not sure what to do. I love my father in law, sweetest man I ever knew. he does not deserve to be treated this way.
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DoingMyBest2 Jan 2020
So sorry to hear you are going through this also! Your poor FIL - it sounds like MIL would been even crueler if he stopped driving her places. I know how it is, feeling as if at any time you are going to get a phone call that your loved one has been in an accident. I understand that the DMV wants to avoid unfair accusations against drivers, but they also should completely protect the identity of those who are reporting because not doing so means so many more unsafe drivers stay on the road making it more dangerous for everyone.
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I wonder. You said the Docs won’t fill out the forms. Could it be they don’t want to take the time because they don’t get paid for it? My Doc bitches about just exactly that. He’s got dollar signs for eyeballs, poor fellow. Evidently the form(s) are lengthy and somewhat time consuming or at least too time consuming for him.  Do you spose if money changed hands your Docs would do it? 


If the car disappeared...........
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DoingMyBest2 Jan 2020
I also wonder about the money for his time (the Calif form is very easy and could be filled out by the assistant and all the doc would have to do is sign it) but I tend to think they just don't want to be on the hook for reporting her even though honestly, I do not understand that because I have been telling them how unsafe she is and they know she has migraines with aura that affects her vision as well as cognitive decline, has had TIA and there is evidence of strokes on her recent CT scans and MRI. and is at high risk of stroke and more heart problems. She had an SVT event while driving alone a couple of years ago was life-flighted to the heart hospital, and a little over a year ago she had another one and was transported again to the heart hospital. I also think that her neurologist doesn't like to be questioned - I pressed him for answers after he told her she was doing just fine and thought she didn't need her memory medication anymore. I was stunned! So frustrating to deal with the lack of support for our concerns. You'd think the doctors would be concerned about being liable for NOT reporting a potentially dangerous driver. The social worker who the neuro had call me after the visit told me that my mom's hallucinations could be caused by a UTI or not drinking enough water. I do know that, and it's entirely possible since she has chronic UTIs and doesn't like to drink enough water because it makes her have to go to the bathroom more, but it is still a condition that can interfere with her driving ability. Then, even though it's on file that my mom has given the doctor's and assistants, etc permission to talk with me about her medical issues, the social worker told me that my mom is their patient and she shouldn't even be talking to me and that the best she could suggest for me is for me to try to convince my mom to attend a driving rehab program. Seriously! They've minimized my concerns at every turn and I think they just want to push it off on me.
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The eye doctor was the one who filled out paperwork for my parents. One thing that helped was that my dad kept showing up without an appointment and then would leave when doctor told him what he didn't want to hear. His primary doctor was too concerned about losing him as a patient to make any waves, so going to the primary for help might not be a good idea. Maybe even see a new doctor. My dad knew that I was the one who actually sent the paperwork in. He was very upset for a time but later told some friends that he didn't think anyone should drive after 80.
Yes I had problems too - like being emotionally blackmailed that he would call siblings and get them to deal with me, but it soon blew over when I held my ground about it.
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rovana Jan 2020
Thank you for your courage. You have saved some lives.
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I can certainly understand refusing to accept reports from people who won't identify themselves, when every effort is made to provide them confidentiality.  I would certainly go ahead and get a dangerous driver off the road - wouldn't care a hoot about their or anyone else's opinion in a situation like that.   Good for you.
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Go to the Ca DMV website see what you can find. I was under the impression that Docs HAVE to report things which is why my $Doc$ is unhappy. My Eye Doc was on the verge of reporting me to DMV. (Perfect vision left eye, Rotten vision right eye). He retired first. :-)* I found this under Driver Safety Info:
"The law also requires physicians and surgeons to report to the local health officer certain conditions or disorders, and gives them discretion to report other conditions". 

Maybe some pressure could be applied?
==============
*I do drive with specs. Left eye is not corrected. Next trip to DMV I'll wear a patch on my right eye see if they remove the corrective restriction. Why wear specs if you've only got one eye? ::-) ::-)
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Just for your information, section 2 of the form says:
"You may request that your name not be revealed to the individual being reported. Confidentiality will be honored to the fullest extent possible."

Do not hesitate. She will not find out that you are the one who reported her.
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