Follow
Share

My husband's cousin lives with us. I did not know him well before he moved in so it is difficult to discuss certain issues. His personal hygiene is horrible. He bathes every 3rd day and doesn't always put on clean clothes or use a washcloth. But I also think he is experiencing incontinence. So, he has his own leather chair in the family room but suddenly has decided he wants to sit on the other couch and chairs. They are leather but it means that i have to wash them down every morning or they smell like poop. My husband isn't direct enough so cousin isn't getting the hint. We have talked to him about the expectation that he shower daily and put on clean clothes but he can be very stubborn. ideas please?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Man up Hubs! maybe it is time for adult diapers (don't hate me) . This is a man on man talk as it's his cousin. And stock up on cleaners, but be glad it;s leather because you may be able to keep it cleaner
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Daisy, people become nose blind to their own odors. I wonder if Cousin would accept a caregiver who comes in to help him shower and get him all tidy for the day? There are such fine people that all they do is help with the bathing and dressing. Cousin might accept a stranger over a family member.

It took time for my Dad to get use to a caregiver helping him with a shower, he would refuse someone who was only in their 20's or 30's, prefer someone older. One older caregiver told Dad she raised a house full of boys so there isn't anything she hadn't seen before :)

Or you could buy what is called hospital blue-sheets to put down on the sofa and chairs. They are disposable. That would be a hint for Cousin, too. To experience with these blue sheets, you can buy puppy blue sheets at the local pet store to try them out. If that works, some companies on-line sell "seconds" which means the blue sheet is brand new and still works, but it wasn't cut correctly, etc.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Was cousin like this immediately or did it occur recently? How old is he? Does he have medical issues? Is he under a doctor's care?

I'd start by trying to figure out what's going on with him. Is he just a person with poor hygiene or is he not able to comprehend that he's soiling the furniture, because if he isn't aware or has become incontinent, he may need support in insisting that he go with disposal underwear.

There are ways to go about that, but he has to be able to change disposable underwear and clean up after himself. He may not be able to do that and that's why he is smelling and messing things up. I'm not sure there are many people who are able to handle their own hygiene needs if they are incontinent due to mental reasons. Do you have the authority to talk to his doctor?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

AS Sunnygirl1 suggested, the reason he is like this is important. I'm assuming that he moved in with you for a reason. Perhaps he wasn't competent to live alone? If so, why? If he is simply couldn't afford to live alone, your husband has to kindly but firmly tell him that his hygiene needs upgrading. However, if he has developed dementia, he will needed to be treated as someone who can't comprehend the need to stay clean.

A daily shower wouldn't necessarily be needed if he could clean up with a washcloth between times. Then, every other day or even what he's doing would be okay. But apparently he either doesn't see this need or can't understand it. This makes particular sense if he is becoming incontinent.

A doctor may be the best route if he won't listen to your husband or if he may have dementia.

We'd love an update to see how you are doing.
Carol
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I bought flat mattress protectors (washable, vinyl on one side, fleecy on the other) from Target. I sewed nice cotton material on one side. I put them on every chair. Good for people, good for pets who occasionally do bad things....
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I bought washable incontinence pads for my husband. He is usually continent but has occasional accidents. Other caregivers in my support group told me you can buy the pads in various colors and designs [plaids or dark fabrics]. Some of them put a pad on all the usual spots their LO may sit.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Amazon has waterproof cloth thickish quilted chair pads. I got Brown, matched leather. Only $10 each. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Get some covers with the backing which makes the fabric water proof. Showering every day is unreasonable, as it washes away the good bacteria meant to kill the bad bacteria. Give him some disposable flushable wipes (I like Cottonelle because they have a plastic closeable lid), and discuss again what you expect of him while living in your house. I would like to suggest using the cleaner "Method" as it is natural, and antiseptic without the harming chemicals from other cleaners. Also, I just both their air freshener powered by air which can be sprayed, and again it is not harmful to you and the environment. Hang in there and don't sweat the small stuff.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

When we had to buy a new mattress because of my friend's incontinence, used the clear plastic cover it came in to put around the cushions on the couch. We could put a washable blanket on top of the plastic, but no one objected to sitting on the plastic itself, so we never got that far. The couch was saved while one of the cloth-covered cushioned kitchen chairs had to be disposed of when it got soiled.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Get him to a group home. They can deal with this, you should not have to.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Great suggestions! I would add that this is your home u set standard. If you dont want to put up with this make it known, no hinting around come right out and say what you expect of him. If he needs help get it for him or as Pam said find an adult foster home for him, they are everywhere. Its a nice thing to take in a realtive but you must set the rules. And as far as the washable pads go they are great, they last forever.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I have leather couches and so glad it is not fabric or they would have to be discarded for the same reason. I have put a pad from Miles Kimball (WIS mail order magazine) on the couch and it has helped so much. I have had some accidents on the new carpet to deal with too and have had to put vinyl runners all over. My husband is wearing adult diapers now and I still have over flow problems at times. The protective pads from Miles Kimball on the bed are great too. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

"Er Cuz could you sit in your own chair I have all my "stuff" by the one you are in"
If that does not work i think you just have to bite the bullet and cover all your chairs.
As people age it becomes very difficult to attend to personal hygiene. Joints get stiff and painful and it is very difficult to reach around and do a decent job after pooping.
Have you considered installing a bidet? i know that subject is source of great hilarity in this country but it can be a God send.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

I feel for you. This man would not be in my house. I am very sensitive to smells. BO makes me sick. Since your husband can't seem to bring up the subject, you need to. First, explain to husband that ur not tolerating it anymore. Then tell cousin he must take a shower everyday and dress in clean clothes. If he can't do that, then he will not be able to live with you. He is to stay out of your rooms. Stand behind this. Look into other living places within hiss income so he hasa place to go.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Need to say, leather is porous so oders could stay in it. Washing it with cleaner all the time may not be good for it. Leather iss dyed.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Need to say that I have a nephew that has thi problem. Right now he is living in my Moms house. Love him but he is lazy. This goes for cleaning up after himself and hygene. He will not be living with me. When there cleaning out the house he has come in the room to help and I've had to ask him to leave because he smells.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If the furnature smells like poop (not urine) and you haven't seen
any poop, then the problem could be flatulence (gas). All people
get used to their own smell. (Smokers don't know how badly they stink).
You can fix this by what you give him to eat. Feed him rice and chicken
for a week. If that works then gradually add back one food to see what
is causing his gas.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Daisy, does he have urinary and bowel incontinence? If he does, and is not using depends then he is just toileting on your leather furniture. No matter how much you wash your leather furniture it will still be unsanitary and a health risk to all who use this furniture. I'm guessing he has some form of dementia even if he is undiagnosed. as this is not normal behavior. My dad is 87 and, thankfully, mentally sound and even he will use depends if he is experiencing bladder or rectal leakage. I think your hubby needs to suck it up and help his cousin, he could just bring home some depends and explain to him that he needs to be wearing these depends even just bring some and explain to him that if he will not use them (and change them as necessary) he will not be able to stay there. I'm guessing it will be quite expensive to replace your furniture just to avoid this conversation. Chair pads are great but a bowel movement on them is just nasty to clean up! Good luck!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You could also get your cloth furniture sprayed at a furniture sales company. The spray is bomb-proof (spills don't soak into the fabric; you can wash anything off of it). Look him in the eye, tell him he stinks like poop and where he sits, the furniture stinks and he needs to sit on this one chair on this one pee-pad. Period. Some people do not understand delicately phrased requests. It's your house, you get the say how people who live there behave.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

These are all great suggestions. Cuz is 75 and was a barber until he moved in with us two years ago, but I later found out he worked only 2 days per week and had maybe 3 customers. His wife had died and he just wasn't managing well. He was having some health issues and always calling us for advice. Since his social security wasn't much, we moved him from out of state, in with us. He announced that since he was retired, he didn't have to shower everyday. Some of it is my fault for not speaking up from the start. He has COPD and sciatica but is very stubborn and in somewhat of denial about his conditions. He doesn't share his doctors visits with us. I called the social worker at the VA and left a message before his last appt. I know they can't talk to me but I was hoping they would talk to him. I don't think they did. I suspect early dementia. We put a bar in the shower but it hasn't helped. When he does shower he doesn't put on clean clothes. My husband said that he will tell him to shower at least every other day and put on clean clothes. We are not smokers but Cuz continues to smoke outside and his clothes reek. I am going to make waterproof covers and just insist that he change and shower regularly. Thanks!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

The clear vinyl panties are what my mother wears - the underwear with pads first and then the vinyl panties...
wdrake website has them at a low price
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You are putting up with a lot...back when my BIL was a chain smoker, he had to go outside to smoke. He was very fastidious, but he was still smoking 40 cigs a day. My hubby is such a softy, he'd sit there while brother was outside in 20 degree weather, puffing away and say "can't he come in?" SERIOUSLY? I get migraines from smoke and we had 5 small kids!

Sometimes you just gotta man up. (Your hubby should!) My FIL was bowel incontinent the last year of his life, pretty much one incident per day. H
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

...arghhh--FIL would routinely have "accidents" and leave behind these messes at restaurants, coffee shops, our house, our car--and my hubby just could NOT talk to him. We never solved the problem, other than me being VERY straightforward with him and s few times telling him I would strip him down for a shower if he wouldn't take one. Then he'd oblige, but it was humiliating for both of us. Then I would take his dirty clothes, throw the underwear away and wash the other stuff. I did once just wash everything in the closet. That helped with the pervasive stink---and he mostly sat in his recliner, so I could keep that relatively clean.

If this were the issue today, I would have bidet installed. He could at least clean himself. Also, I would probably insist on him wearing thin "depends". He was very aware of each accident and it bothered him a lot--not enough to take measures--but we live and learn. He's been gone 12 years and my elder care abilities have really grown (by necessity).

Good luck--this is one problem I know we will have with Mother pretty soon. But she's already in depends, on top of having a supra pubic catheter, so I think she will be easier to care for.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I bought a remnant bolt of crypton fabric. I covered my dining room chairs. And cut up large squares to cover other seats in the house. It has a backing that prevents soak through and washes up great.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Also, any good fabric store will carry outdoor fabrics. I have made many pillows for outdoor chairs and they get rained on, hit by the sprinklers, etc., and you can shake them off and they are totally dry. Little pricier than regular cotton duck, but well worth the cost. (NOW I remember this--I should have covered our car seats with this stuff!!)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter