My two teens and I are moving in with my mother almost 69 in a couple of months once my childhood home is remodeled. Right now she lives in an apartment. My mother doesn't hold her urine very well. She has accidents and before My dad died in January said she just can't help it. I have seen her stand and she just will lose control. She sits on urine pads don't know what they are called but they are washable. If she does pee her self she changes the pad the brief and her clothes and washes herself up. I have told her she needs to set an alarm to go to the bathroom more often but she just says she is fine. My kid brother 20 moved out because his friends said he smelled like urine and I believe him. My mom says it don't smell she has plug-ins everywhere but that don't fix the problem just covers it up. The floors are always mopped with bleach and water no rugs are in the house. What really smells is her clothes and pads she sits on. They get washed but they can come out smelling horrible. I'm afraid when we move in we are going to go nose blind and I don't want my teens made fun of and they understand that my mom is just a stubborn older person that they love who needs some extra tlc. and I want my mom smelling better and I don't know how to treat her clothing to not smell so bad. I want to get air purifiers to help with odor and I need to know what I should do for her laundry.
I live where the sun shines most days through out the year. So, to not have urine smell on clothes, I IMMEDIATELY soaked them in a large plastic basin filled with warm water. Then, I hand washed them then hung them outside all day (sometimes two days) in the sun to dry. The sun took away all the urine smell. I did not use the washer or dryer because the urine smell would linger and make other clothes smell too.
All soiled diapers, pads, wipes, etc. were also IMMEDIATELY bagged tightly and taken OUTSIDE and put in the trash bin. Air fresheners were a must, too.
She needs to be in pullups - no undies ever. She needs incontinence pads in her pullup.
She needs to go to PT with someone that specializes in this arena and can give her exercises to stop the flow, etc. It's not just kegels, there's more to it than that. She DOES need to be on a pee schedule and work on slowly extending the time between peeing. This is a major issue and can ruin her life - she won't want to go out. You won't want to take her out. Every trip is built around "where is the bathroom??".
Must have waterproof pads on EVERYTHING. There are large ones to use on a bed - plus a waterproof mattress cover. Chux or washable ones on every surface she ever sits on - chairs, sofas, car, etc. I could NOT stand to sit in my mom's chair cuz I knew it had to have pee on it!
My mom moved in with me in her early 70s. I made the mistake of doing way too much for her - disabling her, worse than enabling her. I was mad when someone said that too me but she was right. I did things that she could have done herself. She just LIKES to have people wait on her, so I mistakenly did so. Make mom stay involved and active and as independent as possible. You can not be her everything. It is too stifling and uncomfortable.
Best of luck!
Here are a few thoughts .... You mention a hamper? Your Mom uses a hamper? No, that won't work. The hamper will start smelling and will be a hothouse of bacteria very soon. I used a small collapsible shopping cart with wheels. The kind you take to a farmer's market to buy produce. I lined it with a trash bag. The urine soaked items would immediately go into the cart (never, ever a hamper - no matter what I was doing) and go directly into the washer. The empty trash bag would go right into the trash in the garage.
Sometimes I'd wash just a small load. Also rinse first, get as much urine out as you can before the actual wash cycle. Or wash twice using some of the suggestions others here have stated - vinegar, extra detergent, etc. Sometimes I'd be washing all night. Other times I'd do a rinse, throw in some vinegar and go to bed - finishing it up in the a.m. because I knew there'd be more to wash soon. You never want to wash clothing that is urine soaked. You always want to rinse out as much as the urine as you can. Get that urine out first.
The second thought is ... this is a shared washing machine that you'll all be using. Every single thing that you wash for possibly the next twenty years of your Mom's life will be washed in a machine that has had an abundance of urine in it. Same with the dryer. All of your clothes, your kids clothes, your towels all will be sharing that washer and dryer. That always bothered me very much, even though I tried everything I could think of to sanitize them both.
Always had towels and disposable pads everywhere - on the chairs, couch. Until she reached a point where it was just the bed, hoyer lift, and wheelchair.
Our house smelled nice, even when she was completely bedbound wearing disposables. I spent many, many hours cleaning and washing, though. Many tricks learned online just by googling the subject.
Your mom is only 69? Alot of us Caregivers on this site are in our late 60's and older. We work like dogs 24/7. I would make sure your Mom got expert medical attention to figure out why she needs so much care from you at this younger point in her life. Perhaps it is something that a Doctor could heal or prevent with medication, or a proper diagnosis. 69 is very young to need all of this assistance. It will more than likely go downhill if she loses her independence in her household.
she just puts uer clothes in a hamper . Im not Gonna put her in a nursing home she doesn't need to be put in nursing home. She's just fine she just doesn't want to admit that there's a problem. Yes the doctor's already know the doctors say surgery is not eligible for her. We just need a way to fix her smell of her clothes. That's what smells is her clothes that's all. I want to know how do I fix her clothes? Not. Be told not to move in with her not to be told anything else how. To? Fix her. Clothes? She is just an embarrassed woman who knows but she feels attacked when told. So please just how do we fix the smell of the laundty that is all
Subjecting them to this honestly feels like child abuse.
It will be an absolute catastrophe.
If that means that Mom goes into care, then I think that is what should happen. They will be able to see she is frequently changed.
But again, a home that smells of urine is only the beginning of problems I can foresee here, and yes, you will go noseblind.
I am assuming this has all been thoroughly checked with a urologist. The control of micturation, and the inability to hold urine is one of the most complex and least understood sympathetic/parasympathetic systems in the human body. Think of needing to go and nearing home. It is almost impossible to hold, yet if you are interrupted by a lion in the doorway you will even forget you have to go, often for hours. It's terribly complex and I was just reminded of this in Dr Henry Marsh's (neurologist) book about his own prostate cancer.
If Mom is checked out and there is nothing to be done about this (sometimes hormones to kind of puff up the urethral tissue actually help) then we are down to the fact that these reusables aren't working. There should be little odor to the urine if someone is well hydrated and without infection (a simple at home dipstick will indicate whether urine needs further testing or not). There needs to be a switch to incontinent wear that is disposable and THAT needs to be correctly done as well.
Frontal lobe dementias often may result in a complete inability to hold the urine. Which can be a precursor to other problems coming down the line.
I honestly would just say be certain you have done all the steps. First with the MD.
Then address the incontinent wear. Hydration. Hormone therapy? Medications? Infection control.
But over all consider whether this is a wise move in terms of yourself and your teens. Things won't get better. I sure do wish you the best. I hope you'll update us.
Sorry this reply is so disjointed. I just don't know whether to address this medically, incontinent wear-wise, of a future for your teenagers not having to deal with all this. Best to you.
The sad truth is that you WILL become 'nose blind" and that you all will go around smelling like you've peed your pants.
When I was a big sister with Big Brothers and Big Sisters, my little sister lived in a home where the pets were allowed to pee all over the house and whenever I took her anywhere, I could smell that awful smell on her and I know too that she was picked on in school because of her smell.
That is so unfair to anyone to have to smell awful to no fault of their own.
Your mom is WAY too young to put up with this issue, when there are simple solutions out there to help her. Why hasn't she sought the answers out? Does she have more going on than just incontinence, like perhaps some mental decline that she thinks this is normal?
You and your children deserve so much better than to have to live like that. I hope you know that.
And your mom being as young as she is, should be able to live on her own and have her own life.
Trust me when I tell you that you WILL live to regret the day you moved in with her.
You are trying to be a dutiful daughter to your mother the wrong way and you forget about the welfare of your children.
I know you most likely don't see it that way because you have not traveled down this road. But many people in this forum have and regretted it Look around the forum and do some reading, you will find tons of posts from others who regret ever moving in with their parents and completely lose their freedom and lives. Even worse, many can't undo their mistakes and are now stuck taking care of their moms and dads until the elderly die at late 80s, late 90s and even 100s before they can have their lives back.
Think long and hard before you commit yourself and your children to a terrible life.
You say that your mom is 68 and "just needs a little help."
AND that your siblings don't understand that as people get older, they need help.
Your mom is not "old". At her age, most folks are enjoying what are called the "go-go" years of retirement--travelling, doing interesting jobs, either paid or voluntary.
Unless she has some unreported chronic disease, there is no reason she should need anything more than a housecleaner and help with home maintenance tasks like snow removal.
You owe it to your mom, your children and yourself to find out what is going on with mom, physically and mentally. And finding out how she is financially situated in cases she needs to apply for Medicaid down the road.
It always amazes me that many people just accept that they’ll eventually be incontinent as they age. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Your Mom needs to see a urologist. She also needs to go to the bathroom every 2 hrs. I used to use Arm and Hammer but I found that regular tide helps with the smell. I would do a vinegar wash first. About 2 cups to a large load. Soak overnight. Then let it go thru the wash cycle. Rewash with Detergent. Do not put in the dryer, it brings up the smells again especially if polyester. Hang outside if possible. There are drying racks you can get. Other members have recommended laundry additives that may work better than vinegar.
For the smell in the house, I put small bowls of vinegar around. It worked within a few hours but I kept them out a couple of days. There are probably sprays you can use on the furniture.
Review mom's medications to see if any of them have incontinence as a side effect and see if the doctor can prescribe alternates or reschedule/reduce dose. Some back problems cause incontinence too. For example, benadryl helps my allergies a lot, but it causes sleepiness and dripping incontinence so I take it at night and wear a pad to avoid daytime problems.
My mom lived with me for the last years of her life with incontinence problems and my house never smelled like urine. It can be done. You just have to develop the habits that get you there.
1. Get your mom do a doctor to find out what is going on. To be incontinent and her age (I am also 69) AND not care about it is a MAJOR RED FLAG for both her physical and mental health.
2. Do not move in. I repeat, do NOT subject yourself or your poor children to the mess that is unfolding in your mother's life.
She needs more and different/better care than can be done at home.
You and your children will be miserable at your mom’s place. Take her to the doctor and see what is going on with her.
Best wishes to you and your mother.
Especially, with teens, I would not move in with her! House or not! The remodeled.home will also start to smell.