My two teens and I are moving in with my mother almost 69 in a couple of months once my childhood home is remodeled. Right now she lives in an apartment. My mother doesn't hold her urine very well. She has accidents and before My dad died in January said she just can't help it. I have seen her stand and she just will lose control. She sits on urine pads don't know what they are called but they are washable. If she does pee her self she changes the pad the brief and her clothes and washes herself up. I have told her she needs to set an alarm to go to the bathroom more often but she just says she is fine. My kid brother 20 moved out because his friends said he smelled like urine and I believe him. My mom says it don't smell she has plug-ins everywhere but that don't fix the problem just covers it up. The floors are always mopped with bleach and water no rugs are in the house. What really smells is her clothes and pads she sits on. They get washed but they can come out smelling horrible. I'm afraid when we move in we are going to go nose blind and I don't want my teens made fun of and they understand that my mom is just a stubborn older person that they love who needs some extra tlc. and I want my mom smelling better and I don't know how to treat her clothing to not smell so bad. I want to get air purifiers to help with odor and I need to know what I should do for her laundry.
It always amazes me that many people just accept that they’ll eventually be incontinent as they age. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Review mom's medications to see if any of them have incontinence as a side effect and see if the doctor can prescribe alternates or reschedule/reduce dose. Some back problems cause incontinence too. For example, benadryl helps my allergies a lot, but it causes sleepiness and dripping incontinence so I take it at night and wear a pad to avoid daytime problems.
My mom lived with me for the last years of her life with incontinence problems and my house never smelled like urine. It can be done. You just have to develop the habits that get you there.
You say that your mom is 68 and "just needs a little help."
AND that your siblings don't understand that as people get older, they need help.
Your mom is not "old". At her age, most folks are enjoying what are called the "go-go" years of retirement--travelling, doing interesting jobs, either paid or voluntary.
Unless she has some unreported chronic disease, there is no reason she should need anything more than a housecleaner and help with home maintenance tasks like snow removal.
You owe it to your mom, your children and yourself to find out what is going on with mom, physically and mentally. And finding out how she is financially situated in cases she needs to apply for Medicaid down the road.
Especially, with teens, I would not move in with her! House or not! The remodeled.home will also start to smell.
You and your children will be miserable at your mom’s place. Take her to the doctor and see what is going on with her.
Best wishes to you and your mother.
1. Get your mom do a doctor to find out what is going on. To be incontinent and her age (I am also 69) AND not care about it is a MAJOR RED FLAG for both her physical and mental health.
2. Do not move in. I repeat, do NOT subject yourself or your poor children to the mess that is unfolding in your mother's life.
She needs more and different/better care than can be done at home.
You are trying to be a dutiful daughter to your mother the wrong way and you forget about the welfare of your children.
I know you most likely don't see it that way because you have not traveled down this road. But many people in this forum have and regretted it Look around the forum and do some reading, you will find tons of posts from others who regret ever moving in with their parents and completely lose their freedom and lives. Even worse, many can't undo their mistakes and are now stuck taking care of their moms and dads until the elderly die at late 80s, late 90s and even 100s before they can have their lives back.
Think long and hard before you commit yourself and your children to a terrible life.
She needs to be in pullups - no undies ever. She needs incontinence pads in her pullup.
She needs to go to PT with someone that specializes in this arena and can give her exercises to stop the flow, etc. It's not just kegels, there's more to it than that. She DOES need to be on a pee schedule and work on slowly extending the time between peeing. This is a major issue and can ruin her life - she won't want to go out. You won't want to take her out. Every trip is built around "where is the bathroom??".
Must have waterproof pads on EVERYTHING. There are large ones to use on a bed - plus a waterproof mattress cover. Chux or washable ones on every surface she ever sits on - chairs, sofas, car, etc. I could NOT stand to sit in my mom's chair cuz I knew it had to have pee on it!
My mom moved in with me in her early 70s. I made the mistake of doing way too much for her - disabling her, worse than enabling her. I was mad when someone said that too me but she was right. I did things that she could have done herself. She just LIKES to have people wait on her, so I mistakenly did so. Make mom stay involved and active and as independent as possible. You can not be her everything. It is too stifling and uncomfortable.
Best of luck!
The sad truth is that you WILL become 'nose blind" and that you all will go around smelling like you've peed your pants.
When I was a big sister with Big Brothers and Big Sisters, my little sister lived in a home where the pets were allowed to pee all over the house and whenever I took her anywhere, I could smell that awful smell on her and I know too that she was picked on in school because of her smell.
That is so unfair to anyone to have to smell awful to no fault of their own.
Your mom is WAY too young to put up with this issue, when there are simple solutions out there to help her. Why hasn't she sought the answers out? Does she have more going on than just incontinence, like perhaps some mental decline that she thinks this is normal?
You and your children deserve so much better than to have to live like that. I hope you know that.
And your mom being as young as she is, should be able to live on her own and have her own life.
Trust me when I tell you that you WILL live to regret the day you moved in with her.
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