As a relatively young caregiver (43), I think much of my resentment and irritation often comes from the fact that I've done the marriage thing, the divorce thing, the raising the kids thing...but I've never had the opportunity to do the alone thing. I've never once lived on my own without a spouse, kids, other relatives (spouse's or mine) living with me - not once. So sometimes I feel my relatively young age and my situation as caregiver for my mom makes me resentful of the fact that I really have no life of my own. (Of course, I don't let that resentment show to mom or anyone else, but it's there, and I'm sure it's there for others as well.)
I was just wondering how old other caregivers here are, and if the more mature caregivers feel as stuck and resentful as some of the younger ones.
Don't get me wrong - as I've said in another post, I know that like many caregivers, I put myself in this situation, and no one forced me into it. I volunteered to drop everything in my life and move in with Mom because she needed someone, and I was the only one that could do it without too much difficulty (boy, is "difficulty" a relative term!). But I thought it would be nice to see thoughts from others to get an idea of the range of ages.
Try to be happy with what you are doing. It won't last forever.
This is much harder on the family than the patient? I say patient because even though she is my mother, she isn't my mother. Make sense?
I'm also looking into long term care insurance.... even though I pray my son would be gentle... I just can't see me putting him knowingly through that.
One day I will get back to life... for now though, I'm gonna make the best of what I have in front of me. Plus it's SPRINGTIME and that alone makes me happy!!
God Bless!
I, for one, do not want my children to have to be in the position I find myself in now. I am going to make every effort to fund my retirement and long-term care before that happens. If the time comes where I can't care for myself any longer, I will go to a nursing home or assisted living community before I will move in with one of my kids. I don't ever want to put them - or myself - in that situation.
Definitely a good reminder...
An afterthought regarding the loss of freedom, I don't know how anyone who was ever incarcerated would ever think of doing anything that would land them back in jail again.
My mother has so many different health conditions yet has outlived her oldest sister by four years now (77). Some days I do not allow myself to think about what my life as a caregiver really is or I could not continue.
I have done this when I was pregnant, my children newborns and all of the different ages in between till they arrived to adulthood. They literally have grown up in hospital ER's, doctors waiting rooms and hospital rooms.
My husband has cleaned up my mother's bodily fluids, done her laundry and so many other things to help me out because he sees how exhausted I am. So yes, resentment can and does come into my life. No other way around it. This is such a rollercoaster and not always the fun kind.
Many here are so young to be carrying these burdens. Hugs to all of you and God bless.
At the same time, he is my dad and I'm glad he survived and is still here. I know his time is limited and I am very grateful to have this chance with him, especially since my mom passed away suddenly and I didn't with her. I just wish I hadn't instantly become the parent in the process.
I care give my husband who suffers from Solvent Dementia . I got to the place where I had to move into our guest house for my own sanity but I see, talk with & care for my husband daily.
It is all a gift-we just forget....
I don't really feel resentment and honestly what I do is nothing compared to some of you on here, who are living with your loved one and providing hands-on care, but as strange as it sounds, I welcome the weekends to get a small reprieve. My husband works long hours during the week so it's up to me to take care of everything and on the weekends it's so nice to have him bring her pills to her. I'm also raising my two kids, my daughter who is fixing to turn 8, and my son who just turned 4. I also have a stepson who will be 24 this year but he's moved out on his own. I don't like having to leave my kids to take pills up there, but I wouldn't exactly call it resentment. She's never been violent and is always appreciative of what I do for her, which really helps. I'm not able to do much more than what I do. I don't want to sacrifice my kids' needs and I'm sure she doesn't want me to either. I don't want my kids to grow up resenting me for not being there when they needed me. It's made me think about my own future.
I will re-enter the work force one day and when I do I intend on looking into LTC insurance. I don't want my kids to be put in the situation that my husband and I are in. MIL signed the land over to him last year so if she ended up in LTC Medicaid wouldn't come after the property forcing us to move after her death. Now of course there's that pesky transfer penalty should she end up needing LTC within the next 4 years. I'd rather we have the insurance and not need Medicaid so if my kids choose to live on the property my husband can just will it to them and not have them worry about it being taken from them.