My mother has started having incontinence problems and I'm thinking I need to introduce her to adult diapers. How do I do that? Mother is 87 years old and is living in AL. Her dementia has progressed this past year and I'm afraid that she just doesn't remember to "go" until it is too late. She understands that she needs to change her soiled or wet underpants, but she just refuses to use her pads or Depends that we've left out for her. Do you have any suggestions?
Next, alizee is right about not giving a choice. All the undies in the drawer are special, or all the panties have a pad attached when they are put in the drawer.
Also, realize that this is not a matter of remembering to go ... the brain really isn't receiving signals of the need in enough time for a slow-moving body to reach the bathroom. This was extremely frustrating for my husband. When his day program did some remodeling he was really worried there might not be enough bathrooms close enough to every activity station. He was relieved to see they'd even added some! The inability to get to a bathroom in time is distressing and not the person's fault.
Make sure she doesn't think you consider this her fault and that you are not treating her like a baby (no "diapers") but this is just a sensible precaution since her body is not playing fair with her.
Also, I told her that so many people wear them now. Even friends of hers who were quite active had told me they did and this made her feel better and not "different". She was ever the proper lady, pearls and all every day, so these new undies were an adjustment. She did have a sense of humor though, so this helped and we used humor whenever we could; it truly helps. Hope your mother can adjust well. Take care.
Also with my dad he had to be shown time and again that Depends were necessary and unfortunately he had to go through several humiliating situations to get to the point where he would wear one. And I didn't stand over him waggling my finger and screeching, "I told you so!" I would let the dust settle and then ask him again if he would consider wearing an "undergarment" instead of boxers. I would talk about how much more hygienic they were, how easier they were when he had an accident, and how practical they were if he did have an accident. We just throw them away and put on a new one!
Finally my dad agreed and I know it was a little death for him. Our next issue popped up when I realized that he was hoarding soiled Depends to save money. But that's a whole other post.....
We had to take away all of the girdles and replace the girdle drawer with the depends. We call them pull ups. We also have them in the bathroom drawer as well. In time, she forgot she even wore girdles. The depends which don't have tape tabs are much easier for someone who is ambulatory versus someone in bed. Sometimes at this stage, a person may need to reminded to wash hands as well.
Encourage her by saying you are not the only one who this happens to. It will keep her from leaking out in public.