Mom is 87. She has been a heavy drinker for over 10 years (a bottle of wine/night), and now it is catching up with her. She was diagnosed with mild cognitive decline 3 years ago (with no further testing), high BP, ulcer and depression. Otherwise, she seems to have no other physical problems. We have had her tested from head to toe looking for what she describes as "something in her gut". Her blood numbers are all okay.
My situation is this.... about 4 months ago she started going to the ER (via ambulance and me). She has been increasingly paranoid and now won't be by herself. She lives in independent living and won't let me leave her. If I do insist that she stay overnight there, she stays in the bed and doesn't eat. She actually goes between these two personalities of "baby" and "perfectly fine 87 YO". When she is fine, she speaks clearly and can tell me that she knows she is infringing on my life and that she doesn't want to do that. When she is fine she eats anything and everything. But when she is not fine, her whole body and demeanor look like a pitiful child. She even talks like a kid and begs to go to the hospital and won't let me leave her. When she is not fine, she won't eat anything except Ensure. She goes back and forth between these two states constantly.
Right now she is with me 80% of the time while she pays $3600.00/month for IL apartment.
I'm afraid of the impact on my family as this consumes me (an only child).
Thank you for any words of wisdom.
Long overdue my friend. Please keep us posted and good luck with all the final preparations. She will be safe, secure and cared for by professionals. No more dark cloud down the road filling your days with dread. I hope she settles in quickly but more than anything I hope you and hubby enjoy the freedoms you haven't had in a long time.
You sound like you are about one stage behind me with your mom. It is very difficult being an only as there is nobody to help. I know my husband gets tired of it all. I get consumed and that takes me away from my own family. It is not fair to anyone, but I can't seem to break away mentally. Best of luck to you.
https://www.dementia.org.au/about-dementia/types-of-dementia/alcohol-related-dementia
Personality changes are common with alcoholic dementia, so that's probably what you're seeing. Stomach ulcers can be tricky; alcohol aggravates them something awful, and sometimes, a person won't want to eat solid food, which is why she likes Ensure drinks.
Anyway, it sounds like your mother is going to need Assisted Living or Memory Care now, or in the very near future, so look into a facility that has a continuum of care. I would NOT get her in the habit of staying with you 80% of the time or that will turn into 100% of the time in short order. As an only child, don't let guilt or misguided obligation force you into taking her in. In cases of dementia, it's generally way MORE than what an ordinary person (like you) can handle at home alone.
Get her to the doctor for a full work up and see what her GP recommends moving forward. Another cognizance test is in order as well, to see where she's at NOW vs. where she was at when originally diagnosed with MCI.
Best of luck!
Time to back off and let the trained professionals deal with her. She has tested them for days, they have prevailed, she is 94 and is an alcoholic.
The next time your mom wants to go to the hospital I suggest taking her and push for an admission so she can get a thorough evaluation. If she is no longer capable of living alone then alternate plans will have to be made. That doesn't mean she has to move in with you, it means alternate plans will have to be made for her. Has there been any discussion about where mom will go when she can no longer live alone? Does your mom have resources for assisted living?
While there let the doctor know about the alcohol use so they can medicate her for any withdrawal.