I was taking care of my mother for almost five years and she passed away end of 2018. It seemed it was getting easier a couple months ago.
But recently I've been dreaming of her every other day and wake up lost. I started to cry over missing her all over again. I don't know how to get through this. Any advice would help? I've talk to a counselor but its not helping.
The thing is: yes, there's the grief. But when you have cared for your mother as long as you did, and then the end of her life was very difficult, you go into a state of (hard to describe) emotional free fall. You don't have responsibility to anchor you. Nothing seems to have meaning. You revisit every action and decision and question all you did. AND you are mourning her loss.
So you need perhaps something a bit heftier than grief counselling. How are you getting on with restructuring your daily life? Were you making progress there but it's fallen apart, can you not get started, or are you reasonably satisfied with that?
Know this: You will be fine...because you ALREADY are!
I might sound nuts - but it takes all sorts - I “think talk” to them about issues. Mostly I know what sort of response they would give. But I’m sure they help at times. When travelling I mention about needing a parking space and one always seem to be available. I’m quite sure my mums magic green fingers have saved my few plants - they’ve lasted despite a very hot flat and a person who forgets to water them as often as they should be.
My aunt always kept a photo of her lost ones and admitted she talked to them, as has a friend who is just at the second anniversary of their spouses death, so I’m not the only person who does it.
It is hard unless you take the knowledge of your LO and consider that they are out of pain and maybe their unhindered by pain self is wanting to help you learn how to continue on. A person never truly dies whilst there people who think of them and value the memories. Your mum wouldn’t want you to still feel so lost. Talk to her. Rather than counselling have you considered helping others - by keeping busy and assisting others you may find it a rewarding experience that helps you too.
I am so deeply sorry with what you have gone through and continue to go through. 🤗 My mom passed away last June. I feel like I have a heavy rock resting on my chest. My sadness is very deep but I hide it from everyone the best I can. At night I am overwhelmed with thoughts of her last day in the ICU. This is hard! I try to do things that are fun. You see I care for my handicapped brother now and I want to be strong and positive for him.
I haven’t had any dreams yet but my thing is seeing people around town that look just like people I know have passed away. I haven’t seen my mom yet though.
Perhaps your dream is reconciling with yourself. You know your mom has passed you witnessed her death and your brain wants you to think of happy times. Maybe it’s just a balancing act that you have to go through. And soon you will get peace. I don’t know.
Many hugs and prayers sent your way to help your heart heal soon so you can move forward.💐💐🙏
Please forgive yourself for saying those things to ur mother. It's only human to have regrets, but let God forgive u. We are all in need of God's mercy, & we cannot earn it... it's only given as a free gift. 💟
What has helped me is looking at photos of past, happier times. I miss mom a lot, but after her long life, she was 93, at least nothing bad can get her now. I try to think of vacations we took and times she enjoyed her life. You took care of your mom a long time, you were a good care giver to her. Think about what she would want for you for taking such good care of her. My mom told me many times on her deathbed that she wanted me to do things and be happy for all the good care I gave her.
That's a lovely memory & you're very fortunate! (We don't all have that good ending). Peace 2us all.