I missed Christmas day with my grand daughter last year because my two sisters would not have dad for the day and now the same is happening this year they wont have mum so i can spend the day with my 4 year old and 6 month old grand children I cared for my dad up until he died this year and now i am caring for mum my two sisters dont help and i cant take anymore when they come to visit mum they say i am not keeping the house clean they criticize me on every think my partner is living 320 miles away because they dont want him living in the house with me and mum They goad me into losing my temper I am trapped because if i move they will put mum in a home and she does not want that .
I would like you all to know that i spent the day with my grand children and had lovely day my son and daughter in law cooked dinner whilst played with the little ones .
It came about as i found out that my two sisters have POA over mum and i made so many demands on them, which left them in a position not to refuse me .Dont get me wrong i love my mum and she gave me her blessing and she went to one of my sisters for the day
i have told them that if they want me to care for mum i want to be payed and want it back dated from the 13 th feb when mum came out of hospital to date that when i get a job mum is not to be left on her own and that they sit with mum when i go want to go out and that i am going on holiday to spain with my partner and they will have to arange between themselfs who stays with mum if they cant do this then i will take them to court to have the POA revoked as i feel they have not got mums best interests at heart
Ive never done it before, haven't a clue whether it will work or whether Mum will be confused to hell and back but I will keep you posted
My policy is to be the person that is the most helpful, honest, compassionate, and caring, this is aging.care, and I have learned that from many here.
Things are at times never fair, but hold onto the great things, and focus on the positive.
Inability to independently manage regular activities of living
Difficulty coping and accepting physical changes of aging
Frustration with ongoing medical problems and increasing number of medications
Social isolation as adult children are engaged in their own lives
Feeling inadequate from inability to continue to work
Boredom from retirement and lack of routine activities
Financial stresses from the loss of regular incomearrogant was I to think MY reality was THE reality?!!! Wasn't my reality just my own perception? I try and try to remember this little lesson when dealing with my bossy brother and my self absorbed mother. As CarlaCB said (more or less) sometimes it's better to get along than to be right. I do draw the line when someone wants to dictate what goes on in my own home as I think everyone should - having a shared parent living there complicates things but ultilmately its your life -compromise when you can but be prepared to act like a Marine when you can't. Oorah!
Way to go! Sometimes it all has to be said. They may have seen it as a psycho moment but if you are being taken advantage of geez they had it coming. Kind suggestions and discussions dont work with siblings that have nothing to offer but excuses as to why they cant/wont helped as agreed.
Thanks for understanding. Wringles' post reminded me of when my sisters would drop by on Sundays to gossip with Mom all day long. "This house is a barn" (I was a single father with twin boys on self-destruct mode); "Do you know what a mop is?"; "You should marry one of those guacamole women to cook, clean, and watch your kids. Yeah, one of those that never leaves the house."
Bunch of overfed, trifling troglodites! They'd leave the fridge barren, a pile of dishes, and use up all the toilet paper. In the evening a large pizza with extra cheese and three toppings. Those bloated buffaloes didn't even offer me or the kids a slice. Since I was the "host" I had to pay for everything. "Next Sunday," they said, "we're going to bring fried chicken, potato salad, soda, etc." Seven days later a knock on the door. Only thing they brought -- as usual -- was their mouth. Tried to negotiate, but that didn't work. So I had a psycho moment that scared them s__tless.
"Sundays you're going to pick her up at 10 and bring her back exactly at 10. ... Mother's Day will be at your house(s). Holiday weekends she's all yours. If you don't pick her up I'll drop her off at your doorstep. Is that understood?" In unison, they all screamed "Yes sir!" (I'm a Marine, so I guess that was their way of feebly trying to get back at me.)
To my mother, "Forget about the guacamole b__ch they told me to get. Housecleaning is going to be your responsibility from now on. ... It's about time you started pulling your own weight. Is that clear?" She nodded. "Sorry, I didn't hear you." Whimpering, she said "Esta bien, esta bien. ... Dios mio, que pasa con este muchacho?" I said "I dropped my cojones (b__s) the day you moved in. ... Just found them."
I'm trying to teach myself that overbearing/domineering/bullying siblings are only paper tigers - what, really, can they do? Who made them your boss? The trouble is, when it comes to confrontation on specific issues or in real-life situations, those paper tigers are still genuinely scary. And getting over the life-long habit of giving in to their expectations is very hard, very stressful work.
But, Wringles, if you want anything to change, you have to start somewhere. Please say a little more about how your situation came to be?