I missed Christmas day with my grand daughter last year because my two sisters would not have dad for the day and now the same is happening this year they wont have mum so i can spend the day with my 4 year old and 6 month old grand children I cared for my dad up until he died this year and now i am caring for mum my two sisters dont help and i cant take anymore when they come to visit mum they say i am not keeping the house clean they criticize me on every think my partner is living 320 miles away because they dont want him living in the house with me and mum They goad me into losing my temper I am trapped because if i move they will put mum in a home and she does not want that .
Bring your partner back too. No reason why Cinderella should live in a love-less convent. I'm sure your Mom would be ecstatic to have him around too.
You're not a servant, and you're certainly no one's doormat. So stop behaving like one.
You will have more to give back to her if you don't set yourself up with such disappointments which build resentments. Also who knows what grandchildren may be thinking about why they are not being important enough for you to be with them? Kids are very egocentric because that is how they are developmentally wired and they may think it is something lacking in them that keeps you away! Yikes....
Hope these thoughts have been helpful.
I went through what you are and until YOU change it nothing will happen. Next year maybe mom should be in a community, then you will not have to deal with it at all. My mom was moved earlier this year. My sissies wanted to have mom to their homes for holidays. I would not let that happen as my mom's confusion then agitation increased when in their homes with many more people than she was accustomed to. Sissies thought I was trying to control mom and them. They found out differently this year when facility did not want mom to go out because of behavior issues that are a major part of her life.
I think it is time to pretend you are an only child and act accordingly, make arrangements for caregivers for your mum so you can have time off. It may be too late for christmas, but make it your new year's resolution to be more assertive about your needs.
1. Wanting to spend Christmas with your grandchildren
2. Feeling resentful that mom's care falls to you.
1. Arrange for your sisters to spend Christmas eve or Dec 26th to with mom. Start a new family tradition of that being your special day with your grandkids.
2. Start looking around for good facilities for mom. "They don't want" and "mom doesn't want"? Slavery was abolished a long time ago. Your mother needs care. Not necessarily your hands on care. You've done your share.
Is there a facility or family where she can stay for the day so you can visit with your grandkids? Explain that you are alternating years of celebrating with your mom on Christmas day and Christmas Eve. If siblings want to help, great. If not, then let them keep quiet.
Is mom aware of what is going on?