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My mother has watched many of her grandchildren throughout the years and now wants to watch the youngest great-grandchild who is only a few months old. When told no, she cries and gets upset until her mother gives in. This is extremely upsetting to some of us. She is now watching the infant. Is this even legal?

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I can't believe the infant's mother allows this because because grandma threw a tantrum. I will go as far as to say if the infant has a mother who is so reckless that she'll let an elder with dementia babysit because they threw a fit when told no, then that is an unfit mother. The infant should no longer be in her custody because she is incompetent and the child is at risk.
What a question to ask. "Is it legal for my mother who has extreme (at times) signs of dementia care for an infant?"

I truly hope you are a troll and only asking such an asinine question to get a rise out of anyone who sees it.

If you're not a troll but an actual person who truly wants to know then I'll tell you.

No. It is not legal to let an elderly person with extreme (at times) dementia care for an infant. A person like this cannot care for themselves. It is also not legal to let a five-year-old drive a car (just in case this question comes up and it very well could if you're asking this one). This is child abuse and neglect. It is also risk of injury to a minor and could be reckless endangerment too. These are not only illegal, they are often felony crimes. Parents lose custody of their children for crimes like these. So yes, it is illegal.
I'm not going to tell you off for the fact that you would even ask such a question. For the sake of that poor infant, PLEASE stop letting your demented mother care for it.
Ignore her crying and tantrums. Tell her that no one cares about her crying and tantrums, she is not baby-sitting. Do whatever you have to do to get that baby out of her care. For God's sake please have a word with that baby's mother today. If she refuses to stop letting dementia grandma babysit, the next time the baby is left with her, send the police to your mother's house.
Get your mother a doll. They don't bleed or die if they get injured.
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Barbara1861 Aug 2022
No, I’m not an internet troll. This is a real situation. I completely agree with you. One of my sisters and I are the only ones who are completely against this. It’s ridiculous to think one has to even ask a question such as the one I put forth, but I’m hoping to share the answers with my other sister, who is the grandmother of the child in question to truly understand from not just my viewpoint how completely crazy it is to have our mother babysit, but to see many others who conclude the same. Our mother lives alone and vehemently opposes any discussion or viewpoint that she is not mentally fit. She is not aware she is ill. She has medication that she refuses to take because again, she does not think she is sick. I myself have not talked to her in over a year over an argument we had where she thought (completely incorrect) that I was “breaking into her home at night and taking pictures out of frames”. Ridiculous I know but this is what is happening. She has made such a fuss over watching her great grandchild, that my sister, the child’s grandmother has given in and just lets her watch her. This is an 8+ hour day. I have talked to my sister and my brother in great length as to the healthcare I think our mother needs but they said that she wants to stay at home and refuses to leave so they are not upsetting her. We’ve had several arguments over this and nothing has been resolved. It’s frightening to me that a child is in her care. No one else seems concerned. 😳
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Up till now, I thought the worst scenario I'd heard was allowing an elder with dementia to drive a car b/c he threw a tantrum. Now THIS one tops them ALL! If this were my infant, I'd tell my mother she could cry and carry on until the cows came home but she was STILL not going to babysit my infant, not w/o me in the room at ALL TIMES. Period.

Go on eBay and buy grandma a realistic looking baby doll to carry around and 'feed' and wrap in a blanket. When it comes to real live, breathing children, absolutely NO WAY should an elder with dementia be allowed to care for him or her. It's not safe, and everyone knows that.

Who cares about 'legal'? It's the same thing with demented elders driving cars. Who cares about 'having the DMV take away their drivers' license.' I advocate for disabling the car so they CANNOT drive it. That ends the discussion in its tracks.
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LoopyLoo Aug 2022
Exactly! Unbelievable!
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This should be a firm no to the grandmother. Ignore the crying. The welfare and safety of the baby are more than the grandmother's tears. She has dementia and is not going to understand the problems that could occur.
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BurntCaregiver Aug 2022
Amen to that, Becky. Get the grandmother a doll. Dolls can't get hurt.
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I think it is ultimately the mother of the infants decision but I would ensure she is aware of the severity of the situation. My own mother had a brain injury which caused early dementia and I refused to leave my own kids with her. The one time I did ask her to watch them while I took a shower, I came out to find my 1 year old son had climbed behind the TV and was playing with the wires. My mother thought that was perfectly safe. She also forget or disregarded any rules I had asked her to follow and I was always close so could deal with it. I would have never left my kids alone as I knew it wasn't safe.

Personally, I question any mother who would leave there child in any situation where there is even a remote chance of unintentional harm or injury. I think this is a situation where something serious could happen and best dealt with now.
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Beatty Aug 2022
Thankyou for sharing that hard situation.

I bet others didn't understand why you didn't let your own Mom babysit.. but I get it. (I also had to say no to family members).
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I think this is dangerous unless there is another adult around to supervise.

Recently, my daughter's FIL who is unstable mentally, flew in from where he lives with his demented elderly father. He demanded to be allowed to take his (and our) 5 year old granddaughter for the day on her 5th birthday, alone. We offered to come along to help, but he saw this, in his paranoia, as us trying to supervise him. Where was he going to park the 5 year old (who has autism) while he toilted his dad?

Daughter and son in law said no. He threatened to call CPS (?), screamed, abused and further tantrummed (he's still accusing my daughter of all manner of vile things) which just reinforced their conviction that this was the correct decision.

Please make sure she is properly supervised.
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BurntCaregiver Aug 2022
No. They should not have someone 'supervise' the demented grandmother babysitting. That is ridiculous. The grandmother is no longer independent. She cannot look after babies anymore. She probably can't look after herself anymore and her family should not support the delusion that she still can.
Take the baby to visit. Make sure she knows it's a visit. This is a real living breathing baby. It's not pretend or make-believe. They should not encourage grandma's delusions by supervising her babysitting.
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The mother gives in. Lol tell mom of infant to grow a pair and stop being manipulated by a demented elder. She would never forgive herself if something happened to her baby under moms care.
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BurntCaregiver Aug 2022
Amen to that, sp19690. Who would put their own baby in danger to humor someone? God help us all.
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Maybe grandmother would appreciate caring for one of those realistic baby dolls they have for people with dementia.
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I refused to leave my three year old child with my parents because of my mom's denial about her diabetes. She was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. She decided she would just stop testing because it wasn't really diabetes. I had to confront her. Her eyes filled with tears and she said she would never hurt my child. If she got in trouble my child could call 911. A 3 year old??
Poor poor baby. Who is running the show?
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“ Extreme at times” is a TOTAL red flag!!! What if great gram forgets the baby is in the house and leaves , or forgets to turn the stove off and causes a fire, or… makes the baby bottle too hot and burns her/ him, or… forgets to feed or change baby, or…. Drops the baby ?? Hard to believe that this is even a question. The fact that she cry’s when told “ no” is an indicator of her competence.if clear headed, she would accept that this is not the best thing for a little infant. Wishing you the best and the strength to make the “ proper” decision for baby’s safety. ❤️
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The question is: what is the right thing to do? It is obvious to me that whether legal or not, the right thing to do is never leave a baby/child under supervision of someone obviously not able.
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