My mother has watched many of her grandchildren throughout the years and now wants to watch the youngest great-grandchild who is only a few months old. When told no, she cries and gets upset until her mother gives in. This is extremely upsetting to some of us. She is now watching the infant. Is this even legal?
Recently, my daughter's FIL who is unstable mentally, flew in from where he lives with his demented elderly father. He demanded to be allowed to take his (and our) 5 year old granddaughter for the day on her 5th birthday, alone. We offered to come along to help, but he saw this, in his paranoia, as us trying to supervise him. Where was he going to park the 5 year old (who has autism) while he toilted his dad?
Daughter and son in law said no. He threatened to call CPS (?), screamed, abused and further tantrummed (he's still accusing my daughter of all manner of vile things) which just reinforced their conviction that this was the correct decision.
Please make sure she is properly supervised.
Take the baby to visit. Make sure she knows it's a visit. This is a real living breathing baby. It's not pretend or make-believe. They should not encourage grandma's delusions by supervising her babysitting.
BUT in all honesty this is the decision that the mom makes. So unless you are the mom in question it is her decision.
As to the legality.
I just did a quick search. In my State (Illinois) it is not legal to allow someone to babysit that is under the age of 14. To do so is neglect.
Just with Elder Abuse and or the suspicion of abuse it should be reported. The same with Child abuse or endangerment.
Why sit and wonder when there is a potential for something to happen that can be prevented. Call your States Child Protection Service and report or at least ask if this is a reportable case of neglect. Better to be over cautious than regretful.
What a question to ask. "Is it legal for my mother who has extreme (at times) signs of dementia care for an infant?"
I truly hope you are a troll and only asking such an asinine question to get a rise out of anyone who sees it.
If you're not a troll but an actual person who truly wants to know then I'll tell you.
No. It is not legal to let an elderly person with extreme (at times) dementia care for an infant. A person like this cannot care for themselves. It is also not legal to let a five-year-old drive a car (just in case this question comes up and it very well could if you're asking this one). This is child abuse and neglect. It is also risk of injury to a minor and could be reckless endangerment too. These are not only illegal, they are often felony crimes. Parents lose custody of their children for crimes like these. So yes, it is illegal.
I'm not going to tell you off for the fact that you would even ask such a question. For the sake of that poor infant, PLEASE stop letting your demented mother care for it.
Ignore her crying and tantrums. Tell her that no one cares about her crying and tantrums, she is not baby-sitting. Do whatever you have to do to get that baby out of her care. For God's sake please have a word with that baby's mother today. If she refuses to stop letting dementia grandma babysit, the next time the baby is left with her, send the police to your mother's house.
Get your mother a doll. They don't bleed or die if they get injured.
No one knows what a demented mind may decide to do next. The brain is broken and while the bad decisions are usually benign, sometimes they are leavimg a stove on or deciding to cut a string with a butcher knife. Don't chance a young and defenseless life on her ability to take proper care; she may be physically capable but the mental acuity is questionable.
I don't need to do a risk assessment - I mean even if only once in 100 times it goes wrong..
Come on!
Does anyone have a POA for your mom? I would get that done ASAP.
I imagine there are many many grandmas with dementia babysitting in this crazy world legal or not.
Try this link and call to get the information on the question you had asked us. Hopefully they will have some guidance. https://chfs.ky.gov/agencies/dail/Pages/caregiversupport.aspx
My daughters won't even let their dad (who is a fit 70 and mentally fine) watch their kids, b/c he is so easily distracted by other stuff. Also, refuses to wear hearing aids and so he does not HEAR the kids.
I tend ALL THE TIME. But the enormous difference is that I can HEAR, I don't get into my phone and ignore the kids and I also bring activities or games we can play.
So, I wouldn't even leave HIM with a baby, and he's 'fine'. To leave a baby or toddler would be tantamount to abuse.
Personally, I question any mother who would leave there child in any situation where there is even a remote chance of unintentional harm or injury. I think this is a situation where something serious could happen and best dealt with now.
I bet others didn't understand why you didn't let your own Mom babysit.. but I get it. (I also had to say no to family members).
It may also be necessary to make sure your sister and her daughter are aware of the things that have happened that have you concerned about Moms mental status, do they know about the accusations Mom made about you sneaking in to steal pictures, what are some of the other things that alone could be written off to a one time thing but cumulatively say it’s time to follow this more closely, visit more often and get all the medical and legal ducks in order? Start pulling everyone together with mild concerns about Mom so you aren’t caught off guard instead of alienating family members and Mom by making accusations. Concern not accusation, looking for things that might be helped rather than things to take away.
Ultimately however this is up to your niece her husband and maybe her mother to decide and as long as you have been open and honest with details and maybe not even in the context of GM taking care of children, there isn’t much you can do. Calling officials will only create huge rifts in the family at a time when you need more bonding and working together and very likely go un-corrected, especially if mom presents as a kind old lady with all or most of her faculties. In my opinion anyway. Good for you trying to protect both this new family bundle of joy and your mother though, it could be more detrimental to your mom if there were some scare wether the baby is actually hurt or not in her care and that’s also important. Good luck
If she has meds, then she has been diagnosed? If there has been, I may talk to her doctor and tell him what is going on. If he agrees she should not be watching an infant, ask if he could write up a letter that in his professional opinion your Mom is not capable of taking care of an infant or a child at all.
Mom lived with me for a couple of years. We would take her with us to dinner. She wanted hot tea and the hot water was brought in a small metal tea pot. Before this day, she had no problem pouring the water in the cup. I am not kidding you it was like slow motion watching as my Mom picked that pot up and turned it upside down so the top fell open and hot water poured out. TG our food had not been served yet. TG we were quick with the napkins and wiped up the water before it ended in her lap. What was she thinking when she turned it upside down, we will never know.
Now, what if ur Mom gets the idea the baby needs a bath? Makes the water too hot or leaves the baby in the sink or tub? Or picks up the baby with suds all over it and drops it? You don't want "until something happens" thing to be the baby.
Go on eBay and buy grandma a realistic looking baby doll to carry around and 'feed' and wrap in a blanket. When it comes to real live, breathing children, absolutely NO WAY should an elder with dementia be allowed to care for him or her. It's not safe, and everyone knows that.
Who cares about 'legal'? It's the same thing with demented elders driving cars. Who cares about 'having the DMV take away their drivers' license.' I advocate for disabling the car so they CANNOT drive it. That ends the discussion in its tracks.
Is everyone else in the family afraid of her?
Have you considered a call to Child Protective Services to discuss?
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/are-children-and-babies-safe-with-an-alzheimer-s-patients-140422.htm?orderby=oldest&_gl=1*f66vgh*_ga*YW1wLUFRNUVqODV2YzJ3SW4tODhnMVB4cFFvcWw2Rk5CbGFBR29RRFMxSFhiWTd1RzVsUlpEbk1FQW02blVGaHd6NHI.
No, is a complete sentence someone needs to stand up to grandma. Dementia is tricky can escalate at any time...actually from day to day.
Poor poor baby. Who is running the show?
Looks like you got your answers for your family to read. I hope they see the light.
Completely unsafe situation. Tell your sister to (wo)man up and put her foot down before grandma inadvertently injurers or kills the child.
Some folks tell parents their home needs to be fumigated/repaired and get them into AL or memory care for a "temporary" stay.
We created a fiction that my mom was going to Independent Living "just for the winter " since she lived in an isolated area that was hard to get to for us and for aides. By spring, she was happily settled and never talked about "home" again.
In your shoes, I would call both Child Protective Services and Adult Protective Services and discuss all the ramifications of this issue.
I hope to heavens you're incorrect and they are just letting her "watch" the baby with other carers nearby.
I would ask my siblingsand my niece and her husband, how they would feel if great Grammy dropped dead five minutes after taking the baby for the day, fell on the baby and smothered her to death. Would they really be able to live with themselves?
I would ask the two in the medical field what they would tell a patient that was faced with the same situation and I would ask them what part of mandated reporter do they not understand? They not only have a moral obligation but a legal obligation to report situations that are obviously dangerous to vulnerable people, in this case there are 2 vulnerable individuals that are being put at risk by their lack of professionalism, I would turn them in if they don't act.
This baby is the most important person in this situation and everyone involved with knowingly and willingly putting her at risk should be made fully aware that they will be held accountable for anything that happens and you are going to do everything in your power to protect the baby proactively, so they can fix it or deal with the authorities, those are their choices.
I had to report my brother and his wife for child abuse and endangerment. I was told they were going to behead me, okay, as long as your babies are protected I am willing to die on that hill. Someone has to stand up for those without a voice. You know what is going on, so you are now responsible to stop the unsafe situation. As difficult as it is, you can't step back and hope nothing happens with someone that has dementia and extreme instances to boot.
Please call Department of Child Safety and Adult Protective Services and protect this baby and your mom. She can be prosecuted if anything happens to that baby. Does anyone really want to visit her in a facility for the criminally insane at the end of her life? That's where she would go if she hurts that baby and in prosecuted and found guilty. Does anyone really want to bury a tiny baby because there were no responsible adults in her life? And that isn't the worse case scenario.
Please do the right thing for these 2 very vulnerable people.
You're spot on about reporting on this dangerous situation though.
The parents of this baby would be held responsible if something terrible happened to it. The elderly mother with dementia is not responsible because she's out of it and incompetent. She should not be living alone.
It's called "child endangerment," and it's a crime.