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My mom has days of almost claritiy. She is almost "normal". Meaning, back to herself prior to the dementia. Most days mom is confused about everything. I have been noticing increased confusion lately, making her almost impossible to talk to and take care off. On these days I do 100% of everything for her, she is unable to dress herself, difficulty eating, and trouble communicating, just to name a few. However, periodically(twice this week) she just snapped out of it. She was very lucid, no signs of confussion, her bathroom habits came back, she was able to show emotion appropriately, bath herself, do simple tasks,and she slept all nite like 10hrs(she hasn't slept more than 3-4 hours/day in 8-10months). etc.. There has been no medicine change!
Has this happened to anyone else? Is it the "calm before the storm" so to say?

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People can have ups and downs with dementia, but can also experience delirium (temporary state caused by pain, electrolyte imbalance, infection, etc.) and the two can look very similar. With elderly people, UTIs can cause really severe confusion and weakness so it's something to ask the dr about if they don't find a more immediate cause.

Our loved one with dementia was fixated on dates and times, and I've heard the same from other several other people whose family members have dementia. It can be really trying. Also the clinginess is common especially in evening. That's really kind that you made the appointment for her -- poor lady:(
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We share care biweekly with my husbands brother. Their mom suffered an injury and since she has been showing 100% signs of dementia yet no one is doing anything. Today she lost the ability to walk to the bathroom using her walker. That hasn't happened since her illness. I finally decided to call her doctor and make an appointment. They will see her tomorrow morning. I'm baffled at how my husband and his brother can be in such denial, be so paralyzed as to not do anything. She can be very lucid. However her need to know the days of the week and have someone near is also so tiring. I can't figure out if she really forgets or just needs to be reassured. I'm at a loss.
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This is my first time here and my first post and I was just wondering the same thing. My Mom has not had dementia long and it is happening so fast (before Christmas). Last night I talked to her and she was completely herself. It made me second question her "dementia" yet only briefly. I mean I know she has it. It is just so confusing. Again it is all new and a doctor has diagnosed her with it but it is just something we haven't ever seen before. Our family is huge too (know a lot of my kin). I thought that maybe this is genetic but I am not sure. It is really hard to see her like this, I know it is or has been for you all too. Thanks for letting me share. The hardest part for me is I live on the west coast and she is on the east coast where my siblings are. And she is about to lose her freedom because we can't let her be alone anymore. She has said many times if she ever has to go to a nursing home she would kill herself. She will find out soon that maybe a nursing home is the best thing. I cannot imagine how she is going to handle this. She is coming from being very independent with her affairs she used to be able to manage, now she will lose the things that she says are most precious to her. Her independence, her dog and 2 cats she has had for many years. I think I was trying to convince myself last night that it cannot be dementia because she was so lucid. This makes it so hard. Thanks for the question. And good luck to you and to you all.
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Oh my God, yes, yes, yes!!!! my mom is in a nursing home for6 and a half years, with alzheimers/demential. I am really not sure what she has, but she is 91 years old, got this condition when she was about 83 and half. but she has gotten more and more out of it, but yessssssss, it is almost scary, she sometimes becomes so lucid, acts normal, her motor functions improve, everything improves. It is like she wakes up!!!!! She was actually like this last nite and they said she was like that all day. Today, she is still "into it". I mean out of her cocoon!!! I take it for what it is and I feel I have her back, ..... if only for a while. but I relish in it. so, I asked the nurses why this occurs, they said, sometimes, something just clicks in the brain and they become like their old selves. its like a miracle, I compare it to the movie "Awakenings". exactly the same type of thing. Advice to you , is to accept it, be happy with it, but just remember, they eventually go back into their cocoon....... but then again, every day is a new day and new experience!
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This forum has been extremely helpful. My Grandfather has vascular dementia that came on rapidly after a stroke. He had three terrible days in a row and then yesterday he was Awake and was my sweet old Grandaddy. We had some tearful moments, we got a chance to look each other in the eye and say I Love You without any confusion stealing it away. He held and stroked my hand for a long time. This was the first awakining we have experienced. I was ready to bale him out of assisted living and take him home. After reading this forum I realize that he could be totally different today or tomorrow. I'm so thankful for yesterday. I just need him to know how very much he is loved.
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Oh, I am so sorry this was so long. It's probably confusing, too. Please just skim down thru the high points. Thanks!
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WOW! I am so glad to find this site. I have been on here many times asking questions and telling of experiences, but I guess I just didn't know how to word this one! My Mother has been at "death's door" many times in the past 2 1/2 years. She has us all confused, even her doctor and her granddaughter who is a Physician Assistant. Her doctor told me the other day, "I just don't have an answer". After a bout with pneumonia in January, which she never did recover from, more confusion and craziness, since her hospital stay than ever. She had her days and nights mixed up and the earliest she would get up would be 2:30 in the afternoon, the past month has been 4:30 and only up 2 to 2 1/2 hrs. a day. I had to go with my daughter to town and we were going to have a Mommy-Daughter day and my husband was going to "Mom Sit" for me, which I had planned to be home way before she ever got up. I hadn't been out for so long, I didn't know how to act. I got ready and came through the kitchen to find her setting in her chair at 8:00 a.m. in the morning! It has probably been a year since she ever got up at that time! My husband says, "you are going and I am staying and taking care of her like planned", so I did. We are talking about a lady who is in bed anywhere from 20 to 22 hrs a day! She set up 12 hrs. that day. She is up and down when she goes to bed and checking to see if we are still at home and have not left her. One night, I know I got up 20 times to put her back to bed. When she gets caught snooping, she says she is going to pee and I want to say, "Mom the bathroom is towards your bedroom, not in the family room!" But, I don't! So far, I have been pretty patient and kept it all inside, but last night, I almost exploded. She was almost back to talking normal, except she was just about a little "Smarty Pants", and she is always kind and sweet. In 2 days, she has went from a person who has had to have her butt wiped, from not knowing how or even doing it herself, to wanting to know what she can do around the house, to wanting to do the dishes! She has yaked, and yaked and yaked! My husband said, well she has a lot to yak about because she has been out of it for almost 3 months and has a lot stored up! She still does her dementia things, but also throws in some "normal" things that she used to do. PLEASE HELP, has this happened to any caregivers and is there any way someone could tell me what is going on or shed some light on the subject. Her doctor, PA and myself are at wit's end and have NO CLUE what is going on. Comments and answers will be so appreciated. I am ready to pull my hair out and go out and get in the car and drive away forever because I don't know what else to do! She is 94 and I am going to end up in the "nut house"! PLEASE help! Thanks!
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Kinda a whoa and wow experience. As I type this my very loved Mum is 90% lucid and wanting to X-Mas shop this weekend (I just smile and say we'll see; I try to to refer to her "other side" (I fear it might hurt her). And with much appreciation thanks for sharing all (so similar and equally effecting; I shed a few tears reading). Still, by later today or tonight, possibly tomorrow, with high hopes, I know she'll revert back to the demanding, screaming siren of wha- (I really hope not; less than 2 years with Alzheimer)? With her sisters (possibly her mother; all gone) Alzheimer stricken, it's a sad genetic reality (we took care of her last sister; nursing homes equal anti-psychotic drug clinics (highly experimental; my Mum's eldest sister died mute, not eating or drinking, but oddly recalling (sometimes) in less than a year). Oh hey, I'm a struggling artist too ('fraid this doesn't help my creativity; but I don't know if I'd trade this in (life's about challenges besides). Figure, for every comfort and security Mum afforded, it's owed back big-time regardless the ugh. Hey, and great big hug for all of ya too. Happy holidays folks!:)
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I dont know what to expect one visit to the next with my Mom. On a Tues, Mom had the Nurse to call me and we talked just like in the good old days. Thurs I visitied Mom and Dad and she appeared as if she was leaving this world, I could barely get her to respond, she wasn't eating, wouldn't sit up etc then on the Sat following, she was sitting up, talking coherently...well mostly, eating and joking. But then came the confusion, every 5 mins where am I? Yelling at Dad to get his hat and come on, lets go home. I don't know "who" I will see upon my next visit this Wed. Oh well, I'm just trying to go with the flow..it's a toss and turn for sure!
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Yes! I'm thinking wow mom is almost normal today she can say 3 word sentences(she has PPA) and laugh when a joke is said and roll her eyes when something she doesnt like is being said. then a day later she's confused and mumbling.
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Thank you Lord for "yellowfeever" posting this. I have been struggling with this same question. My mother was so much worse than what I imagined when I brought her to live with me, but then she would have these days, moments when she seemed normal, or more normal. When she is in a bout of deep dementia or whatever, I don't know what to call it, and I am back to work now, I had to put her in a nursing home. Same thing, somedays she cannot remember anything very much, and then there are days it is like WOW, I cannot believe what she just talked about or asked question. Because sometimes, she won't even ask questions, it is a one word or two word answer and it is the same thing we talk about. Today we actually had a conversation; although, it is about some of the same old stuff we have talked to death before, she was at least conversing!! Thank you again, for your post, because I have the same issues with Mom and I am thankful to know that apparently this is pretty common. Annas6
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I too am having a hard time. I am 80 and taking care of my 82 year old husband. When I feel that I just can't do this anymore I try to think of the years when our children were babies and he was a career military person and he worked and worked to take care of us the best he could and that was not easy. Now I tell myself NOW IT'S MY TURN. It does not bring him back from very advanced alzheimers but it helps me.
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I have seen this as well. There will be moments of perfect clarity which can be confusing for family members because it feels like an improvement.
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This is very normal with dementia patients. This is not a calm before the storm but just all part of the weather. Dementia is a very strange disease. It never ceased to amaze me when I was a nursing home administrator that one day a resident would be completely out of it and the next day they would sit in my office talking the day away. Learn to enjoy those moments of lucidity. I have found that even when the symptoms are at their worst, you can still find a bit of pleasure in the pain. It may be a mention of memories from her as a child or something as simple as a smile and recognition in her eyes.
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Ted,
I know what you mean. I feel that life prepared me for this! Prior to taking care of mom. I worked in Home Health for many years as well as attending Nursing SchooI. I have always been the "caregiver" personality wise. Doing home health care, I was exposed to many different illness including ALZ/dementia. God was preparing me to be able to look after mom with a little knowledge. Isn't it funny how life works in mysterious ways? A day before my dad suddenly died, we was talking about me being in Nursing school. He looked at me and told me God has a plan for me and to be patient and strong and that he would always support me. I sometimes wonder if he was forseeing this? At that time my mom was not showing any symptoms of Dementia that I was aware of.
My mom and I were never close, however she is now the mother I wish I always had. She can be so loving. Everyday is a growing experience for me whether I understand it or not!!
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Yellow, I hope you can see now that you're NOT alone in this, a lot of us understand completely what you're going through, and if we don't, we can sincerely sympathize. I agree with caregiver63 that this may turn out to be one of the most enlightening experiences of your life. might not seem like it now, But I have personally found that the trails, tribulations and heartbreak of being sole caregiver for my 83 yr old mom with dementia has taken me down paths of self-growth and awareness that I would never have experienced before. I'm still working through it all, but It seems like mom is going to be around for a while, steadily going down, and all the while I seem to learning more and more about myself and what I really believe to be valuable in life. i have also discovered what true friendship is.
Good luck to you, be strong.
(Join us over at the "Grossed Out?" thread sometime!
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When I was involved in my dad's care in the last three years of his life, I noticed that there were times when he shocked me by suddenly stop and say quite 'normally'; I love you, you know.
But gradually over the last four months of his life, the 'light' went out. I knew it was 'near the end' when he stopped singing. He sang every day. for the last month he didn't sing, speak or relate.

Enjoy those moments of clarity. They are important. They let you know that the behaviour is nothing to do with you.

It is hard, but you will get through this.
Thoughts are with you.
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When my mom has lucid moments, some are worth treasuring and others are moments that remind my sisters and me how that no matter how much in the past we bent over backwards to do things for our mom, it was never enough. This part of Mom we would like to disappear forever but like the proverbial cat, it comes back. It is one of my sister's week to be with Mom from morning until night at the hospital and twice today, the "never satisfied" part of Mom reappeared. My sister has been with
Mom feeding her, sitting with her, advocating for her for days and then twice in one day, Mom hurts my sister with her words (as she used to B.A. [before Alzheimer's]). I guess a tiger keeps its spots no matter what.
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Ya know- you hit the nail square on the head when you wrote:
"this disease is actually harder on the caregiver than the person that lives with it". That is the absolute truth! There is no guilt in admitting that.
This is a journey you will never forget. Nor will you ever gain so much. This act of caregiving someone who has ALZ is the gift that keeps on giving. Honestly. You will grow and grow. When you read or hear about another caregiver who is caring for their loved one who has been stricken with this awful disease, your ears will perk up, and you will instinctively know that you can help that person because "You Been There".
You probably can't see any of that now because you are in the middle of it all. But you will be the one who truly benefits from this experience.
Also- I have been attending ALZ caregiver support groups for the last 5 1/2 years. They absolutely helped ME with MY sanity. They pulled me through every time. I beleive in support groups 1000%. If you havent gone, you can call your Alzheimer's Association. It's usually and 800 number. And they can tell you how to find a group. Really. As a caregiver, you need others who are going through what you are going through.
Sleep well, and please take care of your self. The more you take care of yourself, the better you will be able to take care of you mom.
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yellow......you've got it....and you are right there with all the rest of us. You have not found a good physician to help your mother with her physical problems..those need to be addressed as well as psychological problems. A psychiatrist can help only so far...some of her problems are probably medically related and a psychiatrist will not address those. And most of the time the two will not be working together for your mother's care. For instance, a year ago when we moved my mil closer to us, she had a bottle of gin stashed and her first night in her new home she got smashed, yes drank the whole bottle, then commenced to scream, yell, threaten suicide, you name it. My husband and I, both being medical personnel, are obligated to take action.....but the bottom line was she was out of control. The county sheriff's deputies as well as local ambulance came and took her to the hosp and she was put in the behavioral unit for some help. The psychiatrist put her on psych meds and it's taken her medical doctor and I a year to finally get her on something I think will do her some measure of good. She hasn't seen the psychiatrist again. Since you care for your mother only you know what needs to be done. Whatever you ultimately do, remember that this disease progresses and no amount of medications will make it go away. It will only continue to get worse. And you are the only one who knows what is best for you and your mother. If you feel she needs to be placed in a home don't feel that you have failed her....it's the opposite....you are showing her how much she is loved and that you want the best of care for her. As I have posted elsewhere on this site...no where is it written that our lives have to go into the trash can to take care of a parent or other loved one. My own mother was in a nursing home, put herself there several years ago, and she was happy. Physically I could not take care of her...I am retired on a disability and was not able to handle her weight. My mil is a skinny little thing, but I know if and when the time comes we will either hire assistance for her or she will go into a nursing home. I will not allow caring for her to further hinder my health.
This is a tough job we do and you're right we don't get any respect for doing it......we will get our rewards in heaven.
Take care and I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
- JoAnne
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Thanks to all for your comments!!!
Today was one of those HORRIBLE days!!! I just want to run away. She was beyond confused, and very aggitated. Nothing satisfied her. These are the days that I question how long I can continue to do this. And then she has those "good" days and then I feel guilty for thinking about placement to a PCH. Today I took her out shopping for a bit thinking that would help. But it made it worse. Her worse time of the day is between noon and 4-5pm. Thats when her anxiety is at its highest. She is back "digging" at her face again, I no more get it cleared up and she is back at it. I have pleaded with the doctors to give her something to help calm her, but no doctor will help. I am going to take her to a geriatic psy tomorrow. I am hoping that an 1 1/2 drive to this doctor will have benefits and just not another wasted trip. I think that this disease is actually harder on the caregiver than the person that lives with.I know that sounds mean, but this woman is killing me mentally and physically. I get so angry when "other" people in the community(like moms "former" friends) try to tell me what I should do!! One friend of moms had enough nerve to tell me that I should never consider taking mom outside her home. That it would be wrong to do so. Well, this woman calls about once a month not to check on mom but rather to tell me what to do. She hasn't been here to see mom since last summer which was about 15 min visit. She talked to me and ignored mom who was sitting in the same room. This friend tells me that she can't handle to be around mom cause she is not the same person. On moms good days she always asks why her friends don't come to visit. Of course, I make excuses so she doesn't get upset. Dementia/AD takes everything from the person and its so sad. Especially, when they have those good days and they are aware that something is going on with them in their head. I remember one day a while back ago, mom looked at me and said I have a problem. So I asked her what she needed? She proceeded to cry and told me she felt trapped in her head and that she prayed no one would feel like she did. A moment later she was asking where her daughter went? I was sitting there the whole time!! In that moment I knew that she understood something she was unable to control was taking her over. I feel that a higher power gives us caregivers the strength to move forward each day. No matter how much we feel we can't do it we manage to do it!! We do this out of respect to the ones we love. Knowing that if the roles were reversed they would be helping us!! Caregivers are not given the dignity and respect like we should get. We are in every city, town, every community everywhere. We are men and women from every walk of life who are trying to do our best!! GOD BLESS US ALL!!!
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All the answers above are good and on point. I'm in a state of WOW!! what has happened to my mom and dad, 87 and 95 respectively. Both are suffer, well the family is suffering with their diesease (sp) Dad had a stroke last March. Mom has very debilitation health issues, a sound mind today and pretty unsound that eve! Both seem to take turns at being combative, un-cooperative and it all seems on purpose, but I'm beginning to beleive it isn't...sometimes?? One morning life is GREAT! a basket of flowers, by that eve...all you know what has broken loose! Moms mad because housekeeping at the Nursing home is cleaning her room, Dad is mad becasuse all they want you to do is eat! Moms pointing fingers at dad's behavior, he's wispering to me behind her back and between them both NOBODYS any good, and I know when I walk out the door I join the crowd. Yet they wonder why none of the other family members visit! My family lives 3 hrs away, the last time they were here to visit was Christmas, before that it was 4th of July, me and hubby at least once a week. I keep telling mom and dad to just go with the flow of things at the home, but it's a lesson I need to learn too! Just go with the flow. I just pray they, mostly mom doesn't get kicked out for behaviour problems.

OP and everyone out here, I pray for us all. Please continue posting and updating, your experiences help beyound words.
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snowbound, I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time right now. Give Dad a little time to heal....his memory may improve, it's possible the illness and surgery has caused him some temporary loss. Losing a lot of blood starves the brain of oxygen, which affects how the brain works. It is difficult to see your loved one like this....enjoy and love him while he is here. Good wishes for his recovery.
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My dad was hospitalized Friday for blood loss, due to a blood clot on an ulcer and he lost a lot of blood. I thought we would lose him this time, but he is a fighter. After two pints of blood and a clip on the bleeding through an endoscopy, he is almost back to where he was before.....except it is the first time he didn't know who I was and this is harder than I could have imagined :( I almost wish he could pass now, so he could leave with his dignity and good memories. It's not my decision when it's his time, only God, so I keep on taking one day at a time and pray he is not having any pain or fear. Thanks for listening.....
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My mom used to have times where she was more "normal" but as her Alz has progressed, they have decreased. We mostly see it now when my brother (or maybe a comedian on TV) makes a joke. Not all jokes - she mostly laughs at the dirty ones!! It's actually pretty funny. it totally floors my brother that she still "gets" those jokes. I think it's a riot. Enjoy what you can.
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I agree with all of the above and also use the term "it is what it is"
Just remember that even though you may feel as if you are dealing with a child, you are not and you CAN NOT make it all better----I just try to keep things as pleasant as possible and pick my "fights" carefully. I choose to disagree with my mom now only when it is something that may harm her. After a year of fighting with her of for not letting me wash any of her clothes I've decided it was not worth getting her angry and upset
Now I "store" her clothes every season (4 times a year) and double wash them before I put them away. She bathes 2 times a week so at least she is not horribly dirty. "It is what it is" do what needs to be done and don't sweat the small stuff. Enjoy the lucid moments you have left.
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Yellow I take care of my 86 y/o mother-in-law.....she has moderate dementia and is on several meds. I thought I would see a difference with her being on Aricept and Cymbalta, but I'm now thinking not so much. She has days when she is completely lucid and is pleasant to be around.....other days are an ordeal, went through hell with her Saturday and yesterday because I told her to clean the mascara off of her red, swollen, running eyes.....the battle was on. How many old women wear blackest black mascara globbed on then smeared, lipstick on the cheeks for blush? She has this Tammy Faye thing going on.....well not anymore....the mascara is in the trash. Back to your question.....you will find this happens and then all of a sudden there will be no more lucid moments.....as they age the brain cells die and no amount of medicine will miraculously make those cells come alive again. The meds are mostly for the caregivers if you really stop and think about it....keeps them in a place where they are more easily pliable.....bathing and changing diapers become an easier task. You may also start to notice "sun-downing"......during the day they are pleasant and easy going, but once the sun starts to go down they get confused and agitated a lot more. My mil would prefer to sleep on the couch with the tv blaring and all the lights on.....but she is not allowed to do that. Remember also, as the brain cells are dying, the actions they controlled are also dying, i.e. the ability to bathe, dress themselves, use the bathroom...appetite will start to wane. It is sad to watch the slow process.....sometimes it seems it shouldn't be that way. I lost my own mother to pneumonia in Dec. She got sick on Friday and passed away that next Wed.....in hindsight I'm glad I didn't have to watch her slowly fade away over the months or even years.
Unfortunately you will see a lot of little storms interspersed with the calm......as someone dear to me has said..."it is what it is".
Take care and let us know how things go.
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I can relate to this. And yes, it's the new "normal" for these kinds of behaviors. They don't last long tho. It's a gift when that happens. Eventually, her bad days will out number her good days. As the movie title says, "Just Go With it". It's really all you can do.
There was a time when my sister said she was wondering if mom was faking her illness, because she seems so lucid at times. Mom wasn't faking it at all. It's just one of those things that can happen. This is one journey that takes us to places we are all unfamiliar with. Put on your seat belt and leave it on. You will need it.
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As has been said, it's part of the disease. In many respects you have an advantage because some who acquire the disease rarely, if ever 'come back'. Enjoy those livid moments.

My Mom had Alzheimer's and after it became well ingrained within her mind she would very, very rarely come back. I will say though, that while I took every advantage of those lucid moments to enjoy her company and nurture her from that perspective, sometimes when she would 'come back' she would experience horrific mental anguish almost always tearfully sobbing and asking me, 'What's wrong with me'.

In a very short amount of time though, her inner terror would diminish and she might even again be joyful... but only when the grips of Alzheimer's would once again take her back. Sometimes her terror was so great I would think that it was somewhat of a blessing when she once again didn't know what was going on and could comfortably bask in the 'seeming' peace her Alzheimer's caused lack of brain activity brought forth.

No fun, but try to thoroughly enjoy her 'awake' times by remaining active with her.

V
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Even with Ruth's late stage Alzheimer she has very lucid moments. It comes and goes. It is always a surprise when she is totally aware of what is going on. She is on Ativan, for sleep and anxiety and most nights sleeps all night. Maybe a bathroom trip or two. But I have her on a schedule and that seems to help her anxiety. Night time is a different story. Nothing helps the crying and whining, the bursts of anger, and the constant repetitive questions.. so enjoy the lucid moments and as lhardebeck says you are not alone.. wishing you the best..
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