My mom is 80 and fairly healthy; some heart problems. My dad is 90 and has had congestive heart failure issues since his open heart surgery years ago. Last week he was rushed to the hospital and after testing negative to COVID 19, they finally drained his fluid. They also said he has a blood infection. He lost 11 pounds! He was able to come home on Saturday and went to Cardio Dr today. They called and said Dr has two suggestions that they are going to talk about and decide. Then the Dr wants to see him in a month. My thoughts- severe heart failure they have an option to do something or not do something. Which I want them to decide on their own. How do I support them with their privacy, help support him for end of life but not get over emotional? Life is not normal now anyway, but how do I try to keep as normal as possible?
If you google him you can find several interviews. His five questions we all should be asked are great conversation starters and might feel right to you now.
Privacy is their right but I agree with helping them to understand their options and letting them know you are available to help them get answers and assistance. If your dad has had CHF for years then I can imagine that he is very tired.
She is the one that brings up the appointments and then doesn't want me to know anything. Okay, so I just visualize Charlie and his gang while she is blahhing away.
I think it is very common.
Being prepared and asking questions ahead of time is great. Best wishes.
I'm a statistical outlier. So much for the happy story😁
I make phone calls & send out a weekly emails to friends and family with news and updates. We have three middle age sons each of course reacts differently
to our challenges. Each of our sons respects our privacy
What I find works best are the smallest of things, ask if there is anything you can do to help. This may sound strange but every once in awhile call them what you did when you were a child.
I remember praying that my mother would not move in with us after my dad's death. Just keep the lines of communication open & caring without perceived condescension.
Best of luck
I have no way to know how long this may last for your dad. It often isn’t quick. As adult children, we just kick in to listen, be of help where it’s needed, and provide encouragement.
Let them know that the only time that you would have reason to question a decision is if the doctor(s) thought it was unsafe.
So for example if they elect NOT to obtain treatment you would support them and respect their wishes. On the other hand if it were unsafe for them to live where they currently living you would have to have a discussion about options.
Also let them know that these are decisions they can make but IF they want your opinion you would be happy to discuss with them.
The question is are you ready to discuss End of Life with them?
You might want to call a few Hospice in your area and get some information so you are ready and you can share that with them. And there are options Palliative Care and Hospice are 2 sides of a coin and if they are not ready for Hospice Palliative might be an option.