Is it normal for someone with dementia to make up memories?

Yes, that is very normal. Take it as her trying to bring up warm happy memories and enjoy the good mood. If she can't recall the nice memories, she might be adding in some or mixing in her own childhood memories. Hard to say. Go with it, never argue. You will just frustrate both of you. Maybe add in real ones that are happy fir you. Have a memory session. When you are at her point in life, happy memories are mostly what you have to live for besides food, visits, and dsys you actually feel okay.

When I finally submitted and stopped trying to keep my Mom in her pre-dementia state, I found my very best friend EVER. Still the hardest and most cherished time of my life.

I am re-posting below, a list of invaluable tools that I found on this site. I followed similar tips, and they work! The list you read after the book info you can apply right away. :) They can't change their behavior, so we have to change ours. Here you go, and God bless!

Post: Dementia and/or dementia-like behavior can be extremely difficult & frustrating to deal with, that's for CERTAIN!

I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.

The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2

She also has published a workbook entitled, “It Isn’t Common Sense: Interacting with People Who Have Memory Loss Due to Dementia.”

https://www.amazon.com/Isnt-Common-Sense-Interacting-Dementia/dp/1481995995/ref=sr_1_4?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468655&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-4

Here is a list of useful tips from her e-book I found to be excellent:

The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience

The Do's
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment

Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently

Care Needs
· Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive
· Reassure with your tone and manner

My mother did make up stories in her mid-90's that she was quite sure were real. At first, I was insulted and hurt that she was pretending that she did nice things for me as a child that she definitely had not done.

After a while I changed my mind and my attitude. After many years of intentional separation (intentional on my part) and many years of therapy I moved back to the state where my mother lived and helped my sisters with her care. After my initial hurt at her "memories" of kind things she had supposedly done, I decided that somewhere in her mind the revisions to the past were a sort of wish to change the past and to have been a better mother.

Although I did not agree with her that those things happened, I did tell her things that were happy memories. This was useful to both of us. As for the fake memories, I would simply say, "I don't remember that" or "I don't remember it that way." She did not have dementia, but some of her memories did get a bit confused. She might remember a real event but place it in the wrong city or featuring the wrong daughter.

She also had a good memory for food. In her case most of the meals or fancy desserts she remembered she had made, but a few of them were actually made by someone else.

I have very few good memories of childhood, but Mom and I managed to make some good memories in her final years. No, I would not put my children in this position, but my sisters and I did manage to have some pleasant times talking to Mom about things she enjoyed. We found that looking at photo albums very helpful, as photos were only taken at good times. Looking at the photos, she would come up with stories about the occasions represented there.

I hope that you have family to share your caregiving. It helps if you can get a break from your Mom. I could really only handle being with Mom for a couple of hours once or twice each week. It was of some help to my sisters, but more would have made me impatient with her and less able to find ways to make peaceful and enjoyable visits. If you find that you really are stretched too thin, find a way to spend less time with her, even if that means putting her in MC. If it is going that way, plan on placing her sooner rather than later for your own peace. You will be better able to give her the companionship she needs if you can come at it from a place of peace and rest, rather than stress and irritation. Sometimes less time with a parent is a much better time for you both.

Absolutely. My father, an only child, suddenly had 4 brothers in Indiana according to my 85 year old mother in her last year of dementia.

kolea123: Your mother is confabulating because her brain is broken due to dementia. You could garner some information on the disease by reading such publications such as the book, The 36 Hour Day.

Since she has gaps in her memory, she is trying to fill in the gaps = new. never happened memories. If there isn't a safety problem. it may help to just go along with her in her new stories.

Since winter time makes her behavior worse, consider light therapy. She may need more UV light at that time of year. An OTT light or full spectrum light bulbs might help her get more UV light and sweeten her temperament.