The long journey began when I was approximately 18 years old. (I am 44 now) My parents were what I consider great parents and I always tried to do everything I could to make their life better. My dad developed COPD and I cared as much as possible for him, taking him to DR’s and so forth, grocery shopping and other items that he could not due because of the disease. My mother never drove or worked. He passed away in 2002 leaving me to care for my mother, who was totally dependent upon me. I have been since that time her sole provider and caregiver. I have one sibling who turned her back at every corner and still refuses to help me. My mom has only mild dementia and is taking Aricept and Namenda to combat, she has spinal compression fractures and is in constant pain, Atrial Fib and takes Coumadin, she also suffers from depression and requires so much med management and frequent visits to DR’s offices it makes scheduling a juggling act. She lived independently from 2002 to 2010 and I took care of her house, bills, grocery shopping and everything else in addition to trying to have a career. In 2010 after losing my job due to the constant calls and crisis she would conjure up just to get attention we decided that she would move to an assisted living facility and to help offset the cost I was able to continue to handle the meds for her, and some other small things like doing her laundry and picking up snacks. Upon securing yet another job the crisis began happening again. I lost that job and have been struggling to make ends meet. She had to move in with me! That was the only option. So since March 2013 I have been at her every call, or whimper. I can not get any assistance from the Area on Agency as Georgia has cut funding for about every program that was available for the elderly. I have not had a vacation since 2002! I am so at witts end. Burnout is an understatement, frustration has overwhelmed me as I now even if I secure a job there is no one to take care of her at my home. Her DR will not order home health since June, yet almost the entire time she was at the facility she had home health. I have a life partner who works and helps with bills. I have depleted everything I have ever saved, I can’t go any further. I have filed chapter 13 in hopes of keeping my vehicle. The only option it seems is a nursing home. It doesn’t make any sense that the State of Georgia would rather pick her up on Medicaid and pay several thousand dollars so she could live in a nursing home instead of offering the program they once had that would provide an allowance for a caregiver to keep someone out of a nursing home. I never get a break other than waking up at 3am and being able to have some “me” time and a cup of coffee. When she gets up around 7-8am it is pretty much an all-day event of doing things for her. I can barely get out to the grocery store to pick up things without a call or upon return her giving me the third degree about “what took so long”! I was only gone 30 minutes! My health is now getting bad and I can’t do things like I once could. I have had several people tell me that I am “looking old” and I should do something. Is it time for me to move her to a nursing home?
Have you been through these options already? :
aging.dhs.georgia.gov/community-care-services-program
dch.georgia.gov/waivers
If they have a wait list, I'd say get on it, and there is a website about waiting lists too at unlockthewaitinglists.com
Your comment about no options and Mom creating crises makes me wonder too if you will need help from a counselor, or maybe a facility social worker, with limit setting, or else, if you do decide to place her in skilled nursing, and try to rebuild your own life, the crises might not end there either!