We are trying an in home caregiver but I went by yesterday the day after she was there. The toilet was a disaster, dirty dishes in kitchen. My dad was asleep in the chair with no pants on. He doesn't know what day or month or season it is. He has gone downhill so fast I don't even know what to think. He's incontinent both ways and I find towels with feces on them like he's tried to clean up all over the house. I'm at my wits end.
This can all be overwhelming but you'll feel better about it when you learn to recognize what's going on.
One other thing about lying. Unless your father has always had a hard time with the truth, read up on confabulation.
What he says seems real to him even if it sounds like a whopper to you.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confabulation
Sorry but I had a good chuckle over that, my family is quite close but so many others on this site would be able to substitute the word years in place of weeks. I'm glad you are working together to find a solution!
Check these websites out on ADLs. Activities of Daily Living.
These are fundamentals for all of us. Notice that hygiene is the first thing to go.
Then the next link is a checklist for ADL. This helps you evaluate where dad is on the different activities.
This will help you figure out how much help he needs and make it easier to discuss with doctors and care takers.
Look for a geriatric psychiatrist and a geriatric doctor to get him assessed.
Medicare will pay for a nurse to check on him weekly, help him organize his meds. and take his vitals. They can get an aid in to help him with baths, changing his sheets, brush his teeth, etc. (some states offer more help than others, ask your dr to order it).
They ( home health ) can also have an occupational therapist ( ot) and a physical therapist ( pt) evaluate him. Therapy is very beneficial. He can have this in his home if they find areas they can help him in addition to checking his house out for safety issues. Hold bars in the bath etc.
ALSO be sure to have him checked for a UTI as this can make an elder appear to have advanced dementia without their having typical bladder type sypmtoms or painful urination. The right antibiotic will make an amazing difference if that's the problem.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Activities_of_daily_living
http://www-tc.pbs.org/wgbh/caringforyourparents/caregiver/pdf/cfyp_adl_checklist.pdf
I just checked your profile and you say he has general age related decline...uh, people can live into their 90's (and even beyond!) and still differentiate between the seasons and keep themselves reasonably clean, there is nothing normal about his level of cognitive functioning.