He was recently placed in a care home during this whole Covid pandemic after a fall and a stint in the hospital. He had a cell phone with him that we could call him on so although it was difficult not being able to see him, we could still talk to him. The care home have misplaced 2 of his phone chargers now that we've brought in and so I've started to call the care home instead to speak to him. They do have a phone booth specifically for calls with the residents or sometimes a portable phone.
I've just been told by a nurse today I can't call him every day and that most families don't do this. He has dementia and also doesn't speak much English (hardly at all) and so doesn't really communicate with the staff or the residents. They already confirmed they don't have staff there that speak his language.
I understand it's not the staff's job to bring him the phone or wheel him to the booth every time but I got a bit upset as I feel if we don't call him, he won't have anyone to speak to all day and with his dementia, I don't think it will help. He already doesn't understand this pandemic and the fact we can't see him at all. I also can relay information to the nurses like the one time he said he was in pain and felt a bit unwell. He can't tell the nurses this.
Am I overreacting? I just don't know if I should limit my calls now as I've annoyed them but then I don't want to leave my grandpa alone. I'm sure it will be better once visits are allowed again but I feel it's difficult in the meantime as we are all a very close family. Any advice would be great. Thanks.
(Sorry for the lengthy post).
If they don't want you to continue to call daily ~ ask them to help you come up with a plan and make it STAT... Doesn't take long to forget how to use the phone.
I'm actually happy to hear this coming from a grand-child. He'd be very proud of you.
I would talk to someone above the nurse/aide level and focus just on the language issue. People with dementia need that contact - it does help a little keeping them more in tune with reality. Since no one there can speak his language, he NEEDS the contact and it should be daily!
I think I would start with finding out what the best times to call would be. IF you start with being amenable and trying to work with them, it might be better than being accusatory. Obviously getting them all up in the morning or to bed at night, meal times and medication times would be the worst time to call. Most of those should be a set time, but medications can happen throughout the day. Still, there should be times that are better - maybe not every day, but most days.
As for the missing charger - I wouldn't hold my breath getting them to replace it. Items go "missing" all the time and they don't replace them. Dentures. Hearing aids. Clothing. Other personal items. A charger would just fall into the same abyss. Mom's hearing aid ended up going through the laundry (we were letting her "maintain" it, with me having to locate it sometimes and change the batteries - I requested they do that every 2 weeks, because she wouldn't remember, but it didn't happen.) The replacement was rechargeable, so I gave the charger to the nurse as mom would likely lose it (mom is in MC, not NH.) Plan was to charge it overnight and give it to her in the morning (she only wore one, so the other was a "spare".) Within a few weeks, maybe a month or so, it was lost - probably wrapped in tissue or napkin and tossed. From that point, they kept taking it away from her, as she kept taking it out. NO was the answer on helping pay the $400 replacement charge (the purchase included loss insurance, so much less to replace than buy new!)
Even with the hearing aid, I chose not to put a phone in her room. She would only use it to call for a ride home or to her mother's. I didn't want her sitting in her room all the time, so no phone, plus even with the hearing aid she had trouble hearing us. No window access. Lock down since 3/16. Hoping she still remembers me when I can finally visit! They are allowing short outdoor visits, with mask and distancing, which in her case will be difficult because of the hearing issue. Not sure what state you are in, but you could ask if they allow any outdoor visits.
If they can't work out a good time to call, perhaps you can work with them to bring the charger once every day or couple of days, and charge it while you wait or return to take the charger back. Usually phone charges are good for 1-3 days, so it probably wouldn't have to be every day. Another option is to have a nurse take charge of the charger and have his phone charged overnight in a safe place.
Will this be his home going forward or is this a rehab type of set up? If it is his permanent home, admin should be willing to work something out that works for everyone. They *SHOULD* be understanding of this issue, since he can't communicate with anyone there! Also, just because other families don't call every day should NOT be a reason why you can't. Some don't have families. Some families don't care. YOU do and that should be something they appreciate!
Have you explained all the reasons why you wish to speak with him daily. I think these reasons should be added to his file and posted prominently for the staff to see so that no-one gives you a difficult time in the future. Perhaps you should address you complaint to a supervisor.
You sound very kind and loving. I hope my grandchildren care as much when it is my turn to be in a care home.
It is difficult for residents when they first go in to a seniors home, especially when they have little comprehension of English. Indeed, your calling can help the nurses if there is a problem with the staff because of language problems.
Yes it is challenging for the staff but that is their own fault for misplacing the recharger
You are to be commended for your loving concern. It is sadly lacking in todays society.
I have numerous years experience as a volunteer in seniors homes.
If there is no one there who speaks his language, how do they ask him anything? How do they check pain levels, find out if he's hungry, etc? Those are questions you need to be asking the administrator. The answer to that will be very interesting. They may say they call an interpreter when they need to talk to him, but you can bet if they are too busy to get him to a phone booth, they aren't spending time with interpreters either. More than likely, they just don't talk with him. This place doesn't sound like it is a very good fit for him. People without language barriers are neglected in these facilities even when you can go in - most do not hire enough staff. Patients w/no visitors, in normal times, have no one to be their voice and often medicated/diapered because it makes the job easier. You are annoying to them because they would prefer that you not ask them to do what they should already be doing. Continue to annoy.
You let them know that you will be talking with him daily due to his language barrier and because of his dementia. In fact, you prefer to talk to him several times a day. Even a day of not talking with that disease can mean the difference that he knows you today and may not in two days. If you can't reach him by phone, due to missing cord again, you will notify someone to have him at the phone booth at a designated time to coordinate this call. It is up to them to figure out a way to keep the cord in his room even if it means making it part of the nightly round to plug in cord/phone and allow it to charge while he sleeps. Perhaps a note on his door and over his bed would remind any staff member who enters to do this nightly.
Go buy another phone cord - a very long one - that ensures it can go to wall and where ever he sits to use the phone. And put his name/room number on the cord in several places along the cord. Use tape/label to create some name tags.
You might also try an internet search to see if there is a device that will secure a charger to something larger to discourage "borrowing." I once had a cable that plugged into the side of my computer, then went around the leg of a bed. To steal the computer, you would have had to dismantle the bed or take it too. You get the idea. Good luck to you.
A family member should be able to talk to him. And if they would leave the darn cord in the room to charge phone at night and place it near him in the day time, they should be able to reach him.
Staff shortages didn't begin with covid. Has existed for years because that's how they make money. Since you can't go in to these facilities right now, phone or online contact is all you have. I can't even think of what is a 'better use of your time' if you're saying to leave the nursing home staff alone, don't bother them with phone calls, and there's a guy there who no one can communicate with.
Tell them That you will be more than happy to visit instead if they will let you.
I would buy one more Cell Ph and tell the Nurse to attach it to something where it won't get lost.
You should also Face Time with him every day.
If no one can speak his language, that is awful especially considering this time with no visitors.
You should also have a camera installed in his room so you can watch what goes on.
Heres an idea for the phone charger: get a long piece of wood and fasten the charger wire to it. Keep it plugged into the outlet and make sure the charging port/phone is resting on a night table. Paint or write his name and room# on the wood. It’s less likely to disappear if it’s cumbersome to move around, and it will be more like a “house phone”
And please, call grandpa as much as you want... and don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you can’t! I’d give anything to be able to talk to my dad again, but unfortunately, he died in February.
The nursing homes prefer for families to not visit. It is less work and less chance to bring covid into the facility. We took my Mom to a nursing home a month ago due to her dementia getting worse, and due to the fact that we could not care for her at home anymore. It's been a painful month. Your desire to speak to grandpa is very normal.
My observation of the last month is that they try to deter is from calling and window-visiting because there is always not enough aids to help mom come to the window, or hold the phone for her so that we can speak with her. It's so much easier to keep them sitting in the wheelchairs. Be persistent. Don't give up. It's very hard work, daily. That's what I do. I don't know what else I can do.. Best wishes to you and your family.
Lucine
I don't know where you are but I suggest contacting an ombudsman about this.
If a landline is required for the room, it would never need a charge and would be so much easier. As her mind regresses and she can no longer remember how to use the cell phone, picking up a receiver on a landline should be much easier.
I m going through the same issue. Grandma is in SNF. Has no one left in California. I m the only close relative and I live in Australia and I signed up to be her RP.
I call everyday . Some nurses are great and some are dismissive so I choose my battles . I call after handover and that works when a different nurse is on. I have also figured out their Med pass time so I don’t call during that time .
There is a particular nurse who won’t even let me talk and says “there is no change!! She is doing fine. Seems like she gets annoyed . But she doesn’t realise that I am calling not to ask for change. I just want to talk to my grandma regardless of the facts that she doesn’t even know who I m most of the days . It’s hard and given Covid I can understand facilities are under a lot of pressure. But don’t give up. Just call at different times and see if that work . Hope this helps 🤗
Due to some hearing impairment and the phone not being placed near her, many times she was unable to hear the phone ring in her room. Also, due to some dementia, she had difficulty using the phone. We were totally dependent upon staff to help her answer her phone.
After 3:00pm weekdays and all weekend it was next to impossible to get anyone to answer the phone. We were told they do not have a designated secretary on the wing to answer the phone; it was up to the aids to answer it. Apparently they couldn’t be bothered.
Many times when someone did answer the phone, we could hear the irritation in their voices that they had to go help someone with the phone.
A could of times the person answering the phone was irritated, and we were told “we have TOLD YOUR MOTHER that she has to answer her phone”.
They did not keep track of or care that she is hearing impaired and has some dementia.
It was a constant struggle to communicate with my Mom on the phone. (Rehab ended and she is now at a different facility. We are looking into other devices we might purchase to help facilitate communication.)
Ignore what that nurse told you and continue to call him as often as you would like. Especially during the pandemic, they have to facilitate communication between residents and loved ones.
It may become necessary for you to speak to someone with more authority or to the Ombudsman in your state for assistance. (Every state has an ombudsman to help when there are problems. The name of the ombudsman — or at least the number to call — should be in the paperwork you received when he was admitted to the facility.)
THEY first have to find the portable phone
THEY have to take the phone to him (or bring him to the phone)
THEY have to hang around until the call is over or THEY have to come get the phone when he is done.
Continue to make the calls. If possible let them know what time you will call so they can have him ready and the phone ready. Ask them when is a better time to call. Try to avoid early morning when they are getting residents up for the day, avoid meal times.
Is he on a first floor where you would have access to a window? Even if it is not a window in his room a hall or common area.
I am going to just hope that the nurse that told you that was having a really bad day. She is out of line and really not compassionate. Maybe you can ask if there is a time of day that might be easier for them because they are less busy but you should never be told you cannot call your LO.
Check and see if they have a phone line set up in his facility in his room. Some places have that option already and there is no charge. Where my FIL was, they had a phone jack in his room and all we needed to do was plug his phone in; it had a direct line and was free.
If there don't have that option, here is something that may help. My mother was in a facility and her cell phone broke. It was the kind with the sliding keyboard and they don't make them anymore. To put a landline in her room required getting a new line with AT&T that would cost more than $100 and high monthly fees, the cheapest we found was $50 a month as well so we did not want to do that.
Instead we got her a wireless home phone base pad. It is a little device that connects to cell towers like a telephone but it sits in one place and you connect a phone to it. We got her a normal looking landline phone; it has big numbers and also a place where we could pre-program numbers; each number has a spot to put a picture so all she had to do was look at the picture and press the button to be connect. True she does have to be in her room to answer but this has worked out really well.
I am having trouble putting links in so here are the details. I don't work for any of these companies or anything.
We got the phone base pad from Consumer Cellular. Just search under phones and devices; it is the only one they have. Currently on sale until end of Sept. for $25. Monthly fee is $15/month but you can sign up for AARP (well someone who is old enough at least) and get a little discount.
There are all kinds of phones like this on Amazon. The one we got had space for 3 pictures; but some have lots more. I would get one that will amplify calls as well. Price range varies.
You can cancel his cell phone service and just use this. We have had this for over a year and it is working fine. It is certainly not free but the cost is minimal and the other advantage is that because it is a landline phone, she had no problems using it.
Hopefully it helps.