This may be a long shot but I’m at my wits end and just need someone to agree that I’m not crazy for feeling the way I do. My husband and I have been married only two years, we had a rough for year due to a miscarriage but we were blessed with a wild now one year old shortly after. I also have a seven year old from a previous marriage who has been raised by me and my husband since he was 2. So in all we have been together five years. Recently his father found out he was sick and that it could be throat cancer. He has a biopsy done, a trach put in and feeding tube not long after due to the trach. He was working full time climbing 60ft trees up until the day before his biopsy. After a week in the hospital he came to stay with us under the understanding it was until he got a handle on the trach care and we got a plan of attack for whatever he had. After. Well that was a month ago and long story short he had to have a second opinion and that result came back yesterday, it’s stage 3 throat cancer. It’s very contained to one area and the dr is confident it’s very curable. They will start chemo & radiation next week. Yesterday afternoon he came home and informed me he was moving in for good with us. No discussion with me nor my husband just decided on his own. To say the past month has been easy would be a lie. I stay home with my kids. I raise them and handle the house. Since he has moved in with us he has taken over completely. My living room is where he lives. Even though we took our one year olds playroom away and created a bedroom for him, he refuses to use it and stays in the living room 24/7. He controls the tv and doesn’t allow me or the kids to watch anything we want. He has no issues ordering me around all day even when I’m trying to get my little one to nap or feed him. I wash his clothes, clean his bathroom and bring him anything he needs. He has also made me remove all of the kids toys out of the living room because he says they make to much noise. So my bedroom is where I live now. My one year old was never a big talker but since the change he has regressed and doesn’t talk at all now. My relationship with my husband is so strained it causes me anxiety. He wants his dad to live with us forever and I just can’t do it. I’ve tried so hard to be ok with everything but I can’t handle it all. He works full time so I’m the one home all day with his dad and the kids. I’m only 29 and I never saw this as my life. I knew one day we would have to care for our aging parents but I didn’t see this at my age with small kids. I feel so much guilt for feeling like I do. I’m so scared my once happy marriage is lost & I can physically see the negative affects on the kids already from this situation. I’ve suggested his dad move back to his house which is seriously 7 miles from our house but my husband insists his dad emotionally needs us and I need to just suck it up. I don’t know what else to do at this point. I feel like I’m In a dark hole and there is no escape.
Your not listening!! Your going to self destruct if you don't take a strong stance against your husband. Your children are going to suffer permanent damage from this set up. Tell hubby your done. Give him a couple options (already suggested) and don't back down. He will come to respect you in the long run. No one respects a door mat. Go stay with your parents until your husband gets the message.
hoping things get better - counseling for all is the answer - they can point you to help in all directions. good luck to you
It is NOT OK that he told you he was moving in with you for good. That is NOT his choice, and never will be. The fact that your husband went along with it at all is deplorable. The Bible says that once you are married, you leave your parents, and live with your spouse. It never says you have them move back in with you permanently at whim. EVER! Set a boundary with your husband about his Dad.
1) Regain your dignity. 2) Take back your home 3) Do it immediately. You can do this by the following method: 1) You and your husband have to have THE TALK now. Your FIL either needs to move out on his own, or into assisted living, and your husband has to accept some of the blame. Ask your husband if he wants your marriage to succeed, or fail... It's that clear of a decision. 2). If neither guy will budge, then reclaim your house on your own, Do this by a)moving the TV into your bedroom, and place a lock on the master bedroom door. b) Move your kids' toys back wherever you want them. c) Tell your FIL he can move into his assigned room, or he can leave.
Set a boundary with your FIL. There needs to be a limit.
It is YOUR home, not his. I know we are supposed to always honor our parents, but we do not have to be their doormats. Your FIL is trying to make your life unbearable, and I think he has succeeded. However, YOU are allowing it. Stop doing everything for him, and demand some respect.
If he wants clean clothes, he is over 12 years old, so at my house, unless he was bedridden, he would have to do his own laundry. If your FIL leaves his clothes, or belongings in the den, I'd give him one warning, then I'd start a collection pile, and give them to a thrift shop rather than allow the lazy moocher to get them back. He would learn to pick up after himself, or do without. My teenage children tried to disrespect me once, and they lost a few toys and clothes before they caught on! There has to be boundaries, for everyone's sanity.
Both Men are taking advantage of you. It's now or never. Good luck.