My partner and I lost our jobs last year and then our home to foreclosure as a result. After losing our home, we had to move in with my mother-in-law to take care of her because she has COPD from smoking for so many years, is on oxygen 24/7 and can barely walk. We help her to the bathroom, prepare her meals and do everything for her.
She has a bell that she rings if she needs to go to the bathroom at night.
She refuses to follow her nurse's instructions to walk 3 times a day insisting that she's tired and complains about every little thing.
Our lives are consumed with caring for her and we can't leave the house more than 2 hours without her calling and asking when we're coming back.
We were invited to a local Christmas party given by friends and we told her we were going to go. She said okay but to make sure the door was locked because she's afraid to be alone and to call her to let her know when we'll be back. We ended up not going and she said she was glad because she didn't want to be alone.
I feel like we went from the frying pan into the fire. With no income (I can not find work), caring for her and no home to call our own, I keep wishing she would pass away so we could be free. Each time she gets up to go to the bathroom and her oxygen leave goes down, I keep wishing it won't go back up. Does that make me a horrible person? I feel so guilty about it.
I feel like we having nothing to look forward to and I'm so sad that we lost our home, my beautiful garden and my wonderful neighbors in NJ and now we're living in Ohio caring for a woman who is negative and demanding.
Kidding aside, I assume your husband helps out with her care to an extent - but i also know how "helpful" my husband is with my own mother, so you probably don't catch much of a break either. That does get overwhelming - especially when you feel like you can't even take a .... breath... without having to "check in" with her. Out of curiosity, who was caring for your MIL before you & your husband moved in with her? I'm assuming she didn't suddenly become incapacitated, as COPD is progressive over many years (my husband lost both of his grandparents to it). Is your MIL on Medicaid? Does Ohio have in home support services, to where you can get paid for caring for her?? If you haven't already, then I suggest you contact your state's department on aging & ask for a referral to any of these programs. I've been working on getting the above (paid to care for my mom) for going on 6 months now - it's a slow process, but hopefully it will all be done soon.
Until then, try not to let her get to you too much. Get out of the house - even if you have to leave when your husband gets home just to get some time by yourself without anyone bugging you. I take many trips to Target or WalMart just to get out of the house, if only for an hour or two a day - sometimes that's all I need to keep my sanity. The security guards probably wonder why a person needs to go there so often..haha! ;o)
I don't know how old you are or how the will is set up. I do see you as being in a vulnerable position, so be sure to take care of yourself. I know it is difficult to be a full-time caregiver and earn a living, but earning a living should come first in this circumstance IMO. I see too many ways that you could invest years in taking care of the partner's mother and end up broke and homeless. I hope you are able to find a way to make your own money soon.
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