My mom is 93. 3 weeks ago she started to not feel well. Turns out she had a UTI and was treated with antibiotics. She still felt I'll and wanted to stay in bed and sleep , which is not like her. She started losing appetite and just slept pretty much around the clock. Which I then put 24-hour round the clock aids in her home as I live in another town, over 200 miles from her. I told the aid to tell her if she didn't start eating I would call paramedics. She told the aid if paramedics come she will not go to the hospital. So after one week of her staying in bed and not eating I drove to her home. I called hospice and got them in place while I was down there. It has now been over 3 weeks that she is still in bed and not eating. She is drinking water and will have a cup of tea. She has a bedside commode which she gets up and uses to urinate a tiny bit a couple of times of day , has not moved her bowels in over two weeks as there is no food in there at all. She has lost a lot of weight in 3 weeks. The hospice doctor can't find anything wrong on the outside everything seems to be okay and her lungs are still clear even though she's been laying in bed for 3 weeks. She is alert while laying in bed she will talk to you but she has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's so she talks a lot that doesn't make sense. My question is I don't know if she will recover from this or if she is at end of life?
Very sorry for the loss of your mom. Wishing you peace and precious memories.
Wishing you peace as you continue to care for your mother.
I am glad that hospice is on board with you. Still, it is so hard to watch our mother fading away.
My mom died in an ‘end of life’ hospice care home in 2021 at the age of 95.
I did the same as you are doing now. I prayed for a quick and peaceful death.
We are sad and relieved when our mother dies. We start to grieve long before they actually die.
Sending many hugs your way.
Yes.
For the past year she’s been in a care home, now eating, back to talking nonstop (making little sense), but sadly, since she stopped moving, lost all her muscle mass. She refused any PT to get it back. She used to walk about 1/2 mile to a mile per day.
Doctors and nurses were certain she was at end of life a year ago. It’s very unpredictable.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. My mom did the same thing but went very quickly. She stopped eating about a week before she died. Along with dementia, she had congestive heart failure. I think her heart may have just stopped. I was so upset but cannot imagine watching a loved one decline as you are doing. My thoughts and prayers are with you that the Lord will give you wisdom and strength. Keep us posted.
I don't have any advice but I'm here if you need to talk with someone going through the same thing. This is upending everything I thought I knew about nutrition and human survival.
Hospice nurses are very helpful and know the signs of death. The nurse will let you know when death is near.
In my experience, I found all hospice caregivers to be angels and they will keep her comfortable during this time of transitioning into death.
Hospice provides a social worker and clergy for your loved one and family members.
Wishing you peace during this difficult time.
The last couple of weeks when my mom was in severe decline, I spent time each day pouring out my heart to her-- letting her know what a great mom she was, how much I appreciated everything she did for me, assuring her of the glorious future that awaits her, apologizing for my own inadequacies, expressing my sadness over what she has had to endure, and letting her know how much I was going to miss her, while encouraging her to let God know when she was ready and then run to Him because He was waiting, along with many other loved ones who preceded her.
Hospice will suggest making sure your mom knows you and other loved ones are going to be fine (finances, care, relationships, etc). I did that many times as well. Hearing is the last thing to go, so even as she gets closer to the end, she will still be able to hear you. Hospice advises to leave her alone as well, as some people will not let go until they are alone. And they need the alone-time to process everything. So I did not stand vigil 24x7 but checked in and made quiet time for just me and her.
My mom finally passed the day after her granddaughter visited. She grabbed onto her hand and didn't want to let go. She even let out a sound, trying to say something, just after her granddaughter walked away. ...If you pray, ask God to help you know all the right things to say and then say them. If you can, come back later or the next day and do it again. You might be surprised how much you want/need/are led to say. I believe this helped my mom, and it also helped me. I now look back with no regrets, realizing I said everything that I wanted to say and hopefully helped my mom cross over with peace. My caregiver said my mom had one of the smoothest transitions she had ever seen -- and I assure you, my mom lived a pretty anxious and fearful life, so that's saying something. May you and your mom both get through this transition period smoothly.
What is 'wrong' with your mother is that she's 93. Nothing can change that. She has already lived well past the 'average' age span for women. It sounds as if her body is doing the normal natural things that a tired body DOES.
Not need nutrition any more. (Digestive system can't handle it)
Puts out very little, very dark urine. (Kidneys are shutting down)
Sleeps a lot.
She seems peaceful, right? Let her be. Let HER be the guidance by which you follow her care.
My mom, about a week before she passed, said to me that she felt really 'foggy' and what was happening. I didn't play coy with her. "Mom, you are dying. And it's OK. If you are tired, don't get up. Don't push through each day." She actually appreciated the truth.
The day after her favorite granddaughter was in town and had come to visit--mom passed on. I think she was waiting to see Meggie one more time.
There was "nothing wrong on the outside" of him either. A brain tumor was taking his life. He was 91, bedridden for about 16 days before he passed.
Mom had advanced dementia and ongoing CHF when hospice came on board 2 months before she passed. She was still wheeled out to activities daily, still eating a little, drinking a little, but visibly declining. She was 95 and it was time. She passed without warning, surprising the hospice RN, by going to bed one day and never getting up again, much like dad did. She passed 7 days later of heart failure.
Nobody can tell you when another person's time is up. It's hard to go thru all of this, I know. Best of luck to you.
I wish you God’s grace during this difficult time.
Hospice should better be able to answer any questions you may have regarding this.
Your mother is 93 years old. That's pretty old and she's probably just tired of this thing called living. Who can blame her?
Just make sure that you leave nothing left unsaid with her and enjoy as much time as you can with her before she leaves this world for the next.
God bless you both.