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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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My guess is she is nearing the end. There is no quality of life. It's impossible to predict how long it will be but if she is still interested in eating and drinking this could go on for a while yet. I suggest you have her evaluated for hospice. Keeping her comfortable is the main thing now. Don't drag this out with feeding tubes and heroic medical procedures.
Suggestion here....make sure everyone involved knows and understands her wishes. If there is a DNR make sure you carry a copy with you at all times. Make sure the facility or hospice or whatever have this accurately recorded in her file book. My mother is in this same shape and during a patient planning meeting they had her file book there and the first page was a giant laminated sign that said "FULL CODE". I pretty much had a fit and after they looked through the file, there was the DNR. Their response was "Oops, someone must have made a mistake. We need to get this changed". Oh my gosh, do you know what they would have done to her if she had coded? Broke her ribs, punctured her lungs, intubated her, etc. After a week I decided to check and make sure they changed the page to DNR. Nope they had not. The nurse said the NH doctor had to sign off on it before it could be changed. That did not sit well with me since it was their error to begin with so I had to go over her head. It was changed that day. Never assume things are the way they should be.
Yes, I'd say it is getting close to the beginning of the end. It's my recommendation that you do not force food on her. If she indicates that she is thirsty or hungry then feed her but don't force food on her.
Have you considered bringing in hospice or palliative care? That might be a helpful tool for you get the rest and help you need to take care of her.
I do hope that you have your polst form and a DNR in place for her, as forcing those life-saving measures on someone this age and in her condition seems so unfair.
I am so sorry, this must be a very challenging time for you in caring for your mother. This is often the way of things. You need back up and support, and would find this with Hospice. Often times they will begin having restless agitation at this stage, and good Hospice team will help you through this.
I hope this in a gentle and peaceful transition for your Mom, as she slowly shuts down and passes away. It's not a bad way to go. Take Care!
No hospice. Cannot walk or get out of bed. Can do nothing but eat and drink. She stopped eating for 2 weeks,and she was put on suspension to get her to eat . It's working. Still declining, though with her speech. Does not seem to understand anything.
Hi Tanya I know how difficult this can be. My mother was 99 and it was still hard to watch the end approaching. You have received many wonderful suggestions here. I too, would encourage you to engage hospice care. They do not provide day to day care,but rather should connect you to resources and provide you with much needed support and experience based advice. And, remember to care for yourself during this time.
I suggest you call Hospice. They can evaluate her to determine if she is eligible, most likely she will be. Follow their advice on feeding and giving fluids. Do not tube feed or do IV's and do not intubate if it comes to that. At least calling Hospice you will get information and advice. If you decide to place her on Hospice, great you will have a team that will help you with supplies, medications and things like hospital bed if that is needed. You will also get a CNA that will come in to bate and help do some grooming as well as help change sheets. You will also have a Nurse, Social Worker and a Chaplain assigned. (The only one that you are required to have come in is the Nurse so if you do not need or want the others on the team that is your choice) You can also find a great pamphlet on line called Crossing the Creek that has a lot of good information in it as well. And there is a good YouTube When Death is Near.
Eating and drinking well and I assume eliminating well all sound like plenty of life left. However, some will do these things and not thrive. What does her medical team say? Is she on hospice? Is she bed bound? I'm sorry she isn't talking.
We know of a woman who has been like that for more than 10 years. She had a lot of children, 13+ and they have been feeding, cleaning and taking care of her at her own home all this time.
Personally, I wouldn't call this living, but she takes nourishment and her daughters take care of her.
I've often read the End of Life symptoms that I find online. It's hard to say what things mean, since, some people who only eat and drink may live for years, but, others who are moving about, talking and seeming fine, pass away suddenly. It's just so unpredictable sometimes, especially, if dementia is involved. Does your mom have dementia? What was her primary ailment, when she took to her bed? Oh, I see that she had dementia on your profile. It's so hard to figure this stuff out.
Well mostly anyone who is 90 is nearing the inevitable...as sad as is may seem ,we all must face it .Maybe you can look into Hospice they will give her Xtra attention and support for yourself don't think of Hospice as the end think of it as your loved one deserves the BEST COMFORT you can provide..VITAS HOSPICE Iso nation wide and has a lot to offer they went Above and beyond for my Dad they even helped me with the memorial service!!!wonderful service
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Have you considered bringing in hospice or palliative care? That might be a helpful tool for you get the rest and help you need to take care of her.
I do hope that you have your polst form and a DNR in place for her, as forcing those life-saving measures on someone this age and in her condition seems so unfair.
I am so sorry, this must be a very challenging time for you in caring for your mother. This is often the way of things. You need back up and support, and would find this with Hospice. Often times they will begin having restless agitation at this stage, and good Hospice team will help you through this.
I hope this in a gentle and peaceful transition for your Mom, as she slowly shuts down and passes away. It's not a bad way to go. Take Care!
I know how difficult this can be. My mother was 99 and it was still hard to watch the end approaching. You have received many wonderful suggestions here. I too, would encourage you to engage hospice care. They do not provide day to day care,but rather should connect you to resources and provide you with much needed support and experience based advice. And, remember to care for yourself during this time.
They can evaluate her to determine if she is eligible, most likely she will be.
Follow their advice on feeding and giving fluids.
Do not tube feed or do IV's and do not intubate if it comes to that.
At least calling Hospice you will get information and advice.
If you decide to place her on Hospice, great you will have a team that will help you with supplies, medications and things like hospital bed if that is needed. You will also get a CNA that will come in to bate and help do some grooming as well as help change sheets. You will also have a Nurse, Social Worker and a Chaplain assigned. (The only one that you are required to have come in is the Nurse so if you do not need or want the others on the team that is your choice)
You can also find a great pamphlet on line called Crossing the Creek that has a lot of good information in it as well. And there is a good YouTube When Death is Near.
What does her medical team say? Is she on hospice? Is she bed bound?
I'm sorry she isn't talking.
Personally, I wouldn't call this living, but she takes nourishment and her daughters take care of her.
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