I relinquished poa of my Mother to my sister and moved her in with her. However,my sister fought daily with Mom,left her alone and continually had temper fits and cried and said she was not a care giver. She would not assist Mom with her baths, meals or medication. Needless to say I brought Mom back to live with me and my wife gives her total care while I am at work. Do I need another poa or can I just tear up the adeum to the original, where I relinquished to my sister?
I think what everyone has said is true and something you really need to think about and have a real heart to heart conversation with your wife over. What you are asking your wife to do for YOUR mother, is the most difficult thing I personally have EVER had to do and would NEVER do it again for any amount of money. I use to wonder how in the world these healthcare aides made $25 an hour....I now know and I wouldn't do it for $25 if it weren't MY MOTHER! I agree with everyone else that you need to put your Mom into assisted living and live YOUR LIFE AND LOVE YOUR WIFE. Doing this will drive a very big wedge between you!!! You have already done this once and gave it up, you know what we are talking about!!
If the addendum you signed was not recorded anywhere and nothing was changed at any of the banks or anywhere else, I honestly can't see why you cannot tear up the addendum as though it never existed. But that is just what I would do and probably not considered "legal."
Don't put yourself and your wife through the wringer again. You may love your mother dearly but if she can live in assisted living, it will be better for you all.
It is important that the document specifically indicate that it will continue to be in force if the principal becomes incapacitated, i.e., a so-called "durable" power of attorney. Of course, that's just when you'll need it!
The other type of power of attorney form covers medical and health care decisions. It is not necessary to appoint the same person as agent of both types of POA.
Is your wife going to be her caregiver or do you plan to put her in AL? I've taken care of my Mom for 2 years, and if she weren't my Mom, there is no way in hell I would would do this (or ask someone I love to take that on), especially if we didn't have caregivers. I have a brother who does NOTHING, and I'm exhausted. I think your wife, if willing to do this, needs respite care at the very least. Please consider having her placed at a care facility near you. Taking care of a parent can rob you of your own life & happiness. I am saying this only from my experience. It is not meant to be unkind in any way.
Also I agree with NancyH MAKE absolute sure that your wife is willing to take on your Mother's care again!!
If your sister can't do it, what makes her think your wife should!! I'm sorry if I sound mean about it, but that's what happens when you've had your Mom with you for 12 yrs..