First, let me say that we do not have financial POA and cannot force it because our mother is "of sound mind" and can do with her money whatever she wants according to legal counsel. When my dad passed in 2008, she was financially set, but since then has lost A LOT of money because she has fallen for sweepstakes scams and sent them $ in order to get her "winnings". She is now being scammed by someone who "is an investigator with Homeland Security and is helping her recover the sweepstakes winnings she never received" Allegedly her winnings were sent to her previous address but she had moved and the money did not get forwarded, so he is helping her recover the winnings. If she will send X amount of money, he will send her the money. She has also "won" more cars and houses than anybody needs, but refuses to believe she is being scammed even though she has never seen any of these winnings. She has developed "friendships" with these people, and no matter what my sister and I say to convince her that they are not her friends, it does not work. She gave me the latest scammers number so that I could call him and then I would know that he was trustworthy. I did not let him know the connection to my mom because I chose the option to speak to the next available representative. He answered the phone "Hello" when I asked what company he was with, he said "Department of Homeland Security" When I hung up, I reported the number to the FTC Fraud website for impersonating a government official. I told my mom I reported him and she was furious because I was "ruining his life and he has a wife and 2 kids and he is a good trustworthy person" An appraiser recently contacted my sister because he has a request to do an appraisal on my mom's house. The request came from a reverse mortgage company and we are afraid they are about to foreclose on her house. We feel absolutely helpless. Are there any loopholes or anything that we can possibly do to force her to give us financially power of attorney, or do we just have to sit back and watch her lose everything. She absolutely will not listen to reason - we have tried and tried and tried.
If it is a doctor I would try to obtain a second opinion.
If she is of "sound mind" there is noting you can do.
You can tell her that she has limited funds.
You can tell her that at the rate she is going she will probably be able to remain in her current home for X years. (Try to actually figure this out)
Once she runs out of money the home will have to be sold, if she is living in her own home. And possibly moving to a smaller condo or apartment or even Senior housing (if there are any in your area and do know there is a waiting list)
Make it very clear to your mom that neither you nor your sister will take her into your homes. (If either of you are willing to take her in inform her that she will have to pay her fair share of ALL bills)
As her funds dwindle begin making application for Medicaid check to see what the regulations are in your state.
You might want to check with an Elder Care Attorney. It is possible that an interview with an attorney might help, if the Attorney does not think mom is competent you might be able to start the process of Guardianship.
But look into getting another opinion from a Neurologist or Neuropsychologist.
Can you ask mom to freeze her credit with the 3 major bureaus?
As to the appraiser, you raised the issue of foreclosure. Is the mortgage in default? Has your mother received a notice of intent to foreclose from the mortgagee (lender)?
I've worked on foreclosures when I worked for law firms, and I don't recall any appraisals being done. There are 2 types of foreclosures: litigation or advertisement, depending on the state.
Ask your sister for the appraiser's contact information and ask him who requested the appraisal. Don't even raise the issue of foreclosure.
I have a feeling it's another company with dollar signs in its sights, feeling it can trick your mother into a reverse mortgage.
As to the spending and refusal to listen to your advice, this seems to be one of the characteristics of people who become entangled in the various kinds of scams. A lot of threads and comments have been posted here addressing these kinds of issues.
You can click on the white magnifying glass to the left of your avatar on the blue to green section at the top of the page, search for "scams" and you'll get hits for these other threads. Reading others' posts might be informative as well as consoling. Unfortunately, you're not alone.
I wish I could offer suggestions on stopping the scamming, but from all the threads here on that topic, it seems as though either some clever talking and convincing, or outright legal takeover of funds are the most suggested solutions.
It's unfortunate that such an egregious activity exists, but it does.
I do wish you success in attempting to stop the money flow.
This would be a very real, high risk concern.
She will have to fall to her knees before she will stop, be totally broke. So many women are scammed after their husbands die, they are putty in others hands no skills or understanding of how the world works today.
I wish I could offer a solution, I have none. She is a lonely old lady who has no ability to save herself, so sad.
Sorry about all of this.
I remember when my Dad's caregiver found envelops that contained current bills in Dad's recycling, she called me. I asked Dad if he wanted me to take over paying his bills using his checking, etc. He was more than happy, and we went to the bank to do the paperwork so that I could write on his checkbook and sign my name.
I had all of his bills and financial statement changed over to my address so I could keep track of everything. Any time I paid a bill, I made a xerox copy with a copy of his check, and put it into a 3-ring binder.
For your Mom make some excuse to do this for her. Tell her something like someone is taking money out of her accounts so we need to open up a new account and add my name as a co-signer [meaning you both sign the check].
The first time I saw 'slippage' in my mom's reasoning, she was also 'doing a deal' with some random robo caller. She was going to send him quite a chunk of money and I found out about it while just talking to her one day. Got hold of my brother who is her FPOA and he put a halt to it and reported the micreants. That was the end of mom having a landline phone. YB got her a cell phone knowing full well she doesn't know how to use it.
- memory issues
- planning
- balance
Judgement sounds off but is this a NEW thing, or has she also been a little unsure/gullible with money?
How is her planning & processing on other areas eg groceries, planning her chores, laundry? Good or haphazard? Wearing appropriate clothes for the weather? Or thick coats in summer? Bathing?
Make sure she knows that.
I'm floored when similar situations have occurred in this forum, and the adult child says that no matter what, they will continue to support Mommy or Daddy (no matter what because it's the "right thing to do"). While they think that support might only be emotional, they will probably also be sucked into doing the or paying for the caregiving. And they will regret that.
I think you need to report to APS that your mother is a vulnerable adult who is about to be one homeless.
Under NO circumstances should tou move in with her or move her into your home.
1. Thanks for the update on the foreclosure situation. This brought back some memories of alternatives when I worked for law firms which handled commercial foreclosures.
When the borrower was cooperative and interested in restoring the loan to satisfactory and compliance status, we negotiated an agreement, generally unique to commercial lending, but I do recall some use of it in residential loans. It was a "workout agreement", but wasn't called that b/c it had a negative connotation.
I can't remember the specific name of the document, but "workout agreement" is adequate, even if it is offensive. Check out this article; first paragraph describes how a workout agreement operates.
"Loan Workouts and Forbearance Agreements | D. Baker Law Group P. C. (dbakerlawgroup.com)"
B/c of the Edge browser's unique (and stupid) restrictions, I can't get a complete URL, so google workout agreements, or Baker Law Group if you can't get to the article. Note also that a Forbearance Agreement is not what would apply in this situation; you want to get the monthly payment reduced.
The ones we handled always restructured the payment plan, lowering the monthly payment to one w/i the borrower's financial limits. It should involve an attorney to ensure that the RM company doesn't exploit the situation.
You might also privately raise with the attorney the issue of your mother's noncompliance; he/she might have some ideas for a clause in the workout agreement that requires your involvement, BUT NOT YOUR SIGNATURE. Don't assume any liability for this debt.
2. Is she behind only on insurance, or on the entire principal balance and payment obligations? If the former, it might be possible to bring the loan current by paying the insurance.
A better option would be to amend the mortgage and remove insurance payments so that you or someone in your family could handle them and ensure they're made. However, it seems as though your mother wouldn't agree to this.
3. Something to watch out for is an "acceleration" of the indebtedness, which means that the ENTIRE LOAN can be "called" and made due and payable, then and there.
4. The other option is filing for bankruptcy; that would (if I remember correctly) stop the foreclosure action. It would however bring a court involvement into the picture, and from what you describe of your mother's fierce independence, she may resist this.
Unfortunately, she's in a bad situation, with not many good options.
5. And, lastly, I'd contact your local court and see if you can get a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) or PPO (Personal Protection Order) against this character who's meddling and influencing her life. The order could ban him from any contact, ranging from personal to electronic.
Hope this helps.
I really thought my MIL would be our problem. My FIL handled the money because early in their marriage she screwed the bank acct up. I really thought she would be in debt when she died. She wasn't and even had money in the bank.
But neither had any idea how to work a computer so that is probably how we lucked out.
The only way Dr Phil finally got to women that got tied up in these scams, was to prove that the person they were sending money to was not who they said they were.
Again, sorry.