Is this a usual trait?

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Is this a usual trait?

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I've posted a few times on here about my mother but we've noticed a new 'thing' she's doing and wondered if it's just her, or is it a 'usual' trait? She's stealing our food..

My mum lives in a 2 bed annex joined to our house and recently we've noticed her taking our food. She has her own kitchen and does her own shopping but we've seen her come into our house and take ice creams... I know its only ice creams and its nothing in the big scheme of things but then when we ask her 'Have you had an ice cream cause they have all gone, and we haven't had any?' she just looks blank and all innocent "no..."

As I said it's only a silly ice cream and if she asked she could have the whole lot. It's the slyness of how it happens. We know it's her, as we have caught her red handed. It's now moved on to other foods. If she asked it wouldn't be a problem but she stealing it and then denying all knowledge of it! Is it trying to have some sort of control (even if we know whats going on)??

Alzheimer's & Dementia Dementia Behaviors

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Hi All,

Many thanks to all your replies.. We’ve had a small development on it..

The thing is reading some replies they mention hoarding.. she’s not like that, I think she went to our freezer as she knew ice creams were there and couldn’t be bother to buy her own. Or more likely she has a list of a few items to buy at the shops and forgot to get the ice creams as its not the norm.. the issue we really have with it was the sneakiness of it. She would wait till were out the house to do it and when asked denied all knowledge… Even when she was caught (our kids seeing her) she would try to hid it.

Anyway the other day we mentioned quite loudly (just so she can hear) about going shopping to get some items including ice creams as we seem to be going through them like a dose of salts (and yes to answer one query we are from England)… anyway my mum came in with some money…”here this is to pay for the ice creams… ive been eating yours…” shock!.. so she knows she's doing it and its wrong (which is good??) and it hid it but eventually came clean...

Also to answer a few questions we have an assessment boost for mid Aug. Its a specialist and I have talked with her about all then little issues that are going on and the way ive mentioned it to my mum is that she's coming round to assess her needs about the house with mobility etc (which is also true) we'll find out what happens from that..

But many thanks for the replies, it nice to know people are out there you can talk to, even if it is on the internet!! lol!

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Rich, has your mom been diagnosed with dementia? If not, then I would suggest that she be seen by a neurologist that specializes in memory disorders/dementia or a geriatric specialist. Be prepared for her to be on her best behavior (showtiming) and act like nothing is wrong....but a good doctor will be able to see through this, especially if they specialize in Alz. or memory disorders...a GP can be fooled! My mom was especially good at pretending nothing was wrong with her. You might want to write up what behaviors you have been seeing in her so he has some background to work with before he/she sees her. Most of the things you mention, such as stealing food, hiding things, putting things in strange places (milk in the linen closet, clothes in the freezer, believing that people are stealing things) are all symptoms of dementia. It is a very hard disease for all who are involved with caring for them....and unfortunately it only gets worse. Please try to see the humor in anything you can, it may save your sanity! Blessings to you, Lindaz.

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Ok so I have a question along these lines. (sry for the hijack) Grandma seems to need to one up whenever something is purchased. Mom buys a vitamix, grandma has to buy a better one she never uses; mom buys a sewing machine, grandma has to buy one with a case even though she hasn't sewed in decades and then never uses it; anytime something is purchased, regardless of if she would ever use it, she has to have one that is slightly better. Could this just be a personality quirk or possibly a dementia symptom?

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My mother does this all the time. I bought Toms shoes; she bought two pairs. I bought a sun hat; she bought three....you get the picture. She does not use these items. I just assumed it was a symptom of early dementia or a childish side of her personality that causes competitiveness.

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Does she have dementia?

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In answer to the porch light question...yes my mother will turn beet red and get very angry if front and back lights are turned off. It's a split level ranch house so, if I have to go over there and sleep in the upstairs suite, that back light is BLINDING in that bedroom. Her answer is I can sleep in my old twin bed downstairs in another bedroom lol! But the light WILL STAY ON! She is about 10 years into Alzheimer's say the neurologists. If it's not on she might actually have a stroke. No kidding. The best hiding have been the wedding ring in the q tip box and in the sugar bowl under the sugar.

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Thx for your answer. I wish I had a diagnosis to go with all the odd behavior we see.

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Your mother is becoming her young self again with no rational controls. Those are destroyed. If it is something she did as a child, it will probably happen.

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Ahhhh... yes. This seems to be a primal self-preservation 'thing' going on. I feel, as the mind slips away, the primal brain resorts to a need for accumulating "survival" things. Did she experience the great depression in the 1900's? If so, sweets and other tasty foods were a rare luxery for most families.
I would arrange a visit with her doctor and also put up a nanny-cam. If she sees herself 'in action' it might help her.. o the other hand it might just be something to show the dr.
My grandpa, rip grampy, would get into the sweets cabinet. We'd always know because he'd end up in the emergency room due to his diabetes.
We ended up having to install locks on the cabiets.
Dementia with my grandmother takes on a more devious look. She spreads rumors that we keep her in a dark cold room with no access to food. Ummm... when she is alone, we've seen her cooking lunch, watching TV and doing everything quite well.
TThe lying about it... yup, we have that too. It's like a dual-personality. Jekyll and Hyde.

Make note of this behavior. Dates times and such. Mention the weather and ANY changes in routine even if they seem insignificant to you.
In the future, thsee notations may help the doctor(s) determine the rate of decline.
UUnless she has always been... sneaky... I would count this as new behavior or a continuous behavior.
I hope my insight can help you in some way...
BBest of luck!

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Moecam & many others are spot on!

Would like to add that if they are no longer in charge of their own finances there is a "fear factor" that they will run out of money or maybe already have since they no longer "see" it. I often assure my Mother that she has enough money to live comfortably and how thankful I am that she did such a good job with her finances over the yrs.

Therefore the urge (instinct/survival mechanism)to hoard and ration just as they had to when growing up kicks in. Some of our LO's reality is reverting back to their childhood....you cannot change that or convince them otherwise...you just end up fighting with yourself.

My only concern is that refrigerated foods will be left out/hidden and inadvertently consumed. I got some great answers on my question "Looking for ideas on hand to mouth non refrigerated foods" on this site.

As hard as it is try to remember it is the aging process/disease talking and not your Mother. It is hard to come to terms with all the comfort, care and reassurance along with the many sacrifices you have made to give her that security & it seems it's not working or sometimes "never enough." But it is! She can no longer return those same comforts and appreciation to you as she once did and believe me I know (tearing up now) it's a profound loss before you actually do lose her.

Please don't take this as a criticism but I feel I have been in your shoes. You want the problem to be the "ice cream".....its not the "ice cream." To recognize that is HEART BREAKING beyond belief.

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Your first paragraph is oh so true... my mom obsesses all the time about her money in her checking and savings and wants to see her credit card statement. So I frequently print them up to give to her, so she can see for herself.

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I've seen a little square device called a Tile finder. It's a Bluetooth device that you can attach to any object. You use your smart phone to find out where the item is located. People use it for keys a lot. In the context of dementia, you could put it on important things like a purse. Then you can find it when it gets hidden. There are also shoe inserts with gps so you can find your loved one when they wander off. You just have to hope they have the shoes on when they go. There are lots of tech things that can be employed. You just have to think about how a device ment for monitoring you pet from your phone for example, can be used to check on grandmum. By the way, if someone is hiding things under the bed, be cool about it. At least you know where the stuff is! I'm not being disrespectful when I say that techniques that work with children can be helpful. Also you can always give YOURSELF a time out. When you're upset, go sit somewhere with a timer and take 5 or 10 minutes to just breathe.

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I don't know how far along your mum is with dementia, but prepare yourself for changes that come out of the the blue. She may not remember what she did with the ice cream. So it could be memory impairment. In later stages of dementia, people don't remember a full meal five minutes afterceating. Some residents at my mum's memory care have lost the concept of private property. Think about a small child. When they are very young, they think everything belongs to them. Ladies would come to my mum's room and shop her closet. There was a lady at an assisted living I visit who takes all of the yougert cups from the common room fridge and puts them in her room fridge. The staff just takes them back when she's not looking.
Of course she could be a sly fox. The problem is that it is hard to tell. Every time my mum told me about some event, I had to figure out how likely is that to be true.
In the future you may want to have the food supply in common. Everyone adds to the shopping list and the cost is divided per person. If you see to it that her fridge is stocked up with ice cream, you may get to keep yours. The point is to be flexible in your thinking about how to solve these kind of problems.

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My 93 year old mother , who lives with us, hides things under her bed because she says that my husband takes all her stuff. She then gets mad when she can't find what she has hidden. When I ask her what my husband has taken she says she can't remember, but that she has to hide everything so he can't take it. If I don't laugh about it I'd be crying.

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Sorry this is so long...My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2012 and still living in her own house. My brother and I made arrangements that she was not lone between my ourselves and care givers. In 2013 she started hiding food and silverware in her bedroom dresser and chest drawers. One day I opened up her drawer to put away clothes and there sat a can of tuna. As I looked through her drawers, I found more food and silverware and cookware. I didn't say anything to her, since I knew she wouldn't know how it got there. She also would hide her purse under or behind her bed, bathroom vanity, behind the sofa, in kitchen cabinet or anywhere else that was a strange place. I spent a lot of time looking for her purse, because she would not leave the house without it, that part she would remember. She didn't have anything in her wallet except for a driver license that was not longer valid (we had her driving privileges revoked) and $10. My brother always made sure she had some kind of money so she could put her money in the church collection plate or if we took her out to lunch she was insistent of paying her own way. We would put her $10 back in her wallet when she wasn't looking or around. In 2013 my brother stayed mostly (I lived out of state about 750 miles, but would stay when I could) at her home at night and caregivers during the day. My mom got on this kick of not having the air conditioning on saying it was a waste of money. My brother would turn it on and after mowing her yard he would come in and the house would be hot or he would wake middle of the night and the house would be hot to find that she had turned the air off. While she was on this air conditioning kick my brother said he went along with it and got a box fan and he would come in and the fan would be missing. My mother would hide it behind her living room drapes Then my mom got on a kick of having the screen door wide opened all day and evening. My brother stated that he was killing flys all day and mosquitos at night. My brother said they had many arguments of this and he said he knew she wasn't getting it, it was just frustrating. Finally, that phase ended. As for hiding the food at first we thought maybe she was remembering back to her child hood days. Her family was very poor and food was not abundant and sometimes almost nonexistent when she was little. In 2014 my mother's care greatly advanced and we found a great memory care center and placed her there. At first she was not happy, but as time went on she no longer said/asked anything about her house and seemed to accept it. My mother is now in the later stages of Alzheimer's and one day will not eat and the next eat very little. I expect any day or week I will receive a phone call from my brother that she has passed. So sad, but you have to have a sense of humor at all of the findings and things they put you through with this horrible disease.

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This can be yet another sign of dementia - you don't say how old she is but on a guess she either grew up during the depression or shortly afterwards - she would have been taught not to waste food as it is precious & that would be a deep seated memory that would have underscored many other actions for her whole life -

Some items like ice cream then would have been a once a year treat so deep down it was even more precious - most likely she lived through WWII when there was rationing - nearly everyone ate canned vegetables because there was no lettuce or fresh vegetables in winter - few could keep frozen veg & when was the last time you had canned veg? - we eat differently than our parents & grandparents

Dementia then kicks in so that an adult exhibits behavior that a child would do - a 6 year old might steal ice cream & deny it - her memory could be so short that within minutes she will truly forget she took it & ate it - which will be about when she takes last bite her so the next step could be eating part & putting it down as she forgets she is eating it - so her 'lies' are not true lies because of the dementia so please stop using that term possible using the gentler 'denial'

My mom [born 1926] in nursing home would still hoard crackers & other half of her sandwich 'for later' - we had to keep a look out because things would go bad/moldy - when we cleaned out her house there were piles of clean used pie plates, margarine containers, plastic take away containers etc piled for 'in case'

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You are so right about WW II and the mindset of our elders. Rich310 sounds British in his writting. They had rationing/shortages for some years AFTER the war as well.

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You have no info on ur profile. Is Mom in early stage of Dementia? If so, this is something that happens. They get like children.

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Just a few more things you may encounter....Answer to they get like children...YES...As the disease progresses they are grown adults that turns into a child. They get to a point they don't want to bathe or if they do they only wash part of their bodies. One day they can be sweet and the next a grown terror that you really can't reason with. There will be many arguments between you both because they and you are frustrated. My mom would seen the mailman and as soon as the mail was delivered she would look through the mail this took her about 2 hrs to open all ads and would state she would have to pay the "bill". I would try to explain to her it isn't a bill and there goes another argument. I got so I would tell her put it in the bill box and we will pay it next week, so when she was in another room I would take it out of the bill box if it wasn't anything asking for money sometimes I would leave it for a little while because time to time she would look through. When we were trying to pay bills it took forever. My mom would have to read it over and over because she couldn't comprehend what she was reading. I would finally ask her let me see it and make sure we are paying the correct amount. The next battle was she had the check book and she wanted to write the check. She couldn't remember how to write and she would mess up check after check. I finally got her to let me write the check. My brother and I had POA, so my brother got everything either automatically paid out of my moms account or changed to his address, so no more bills came to her. We just had to watch for the junk mail. My brother and next thing was to get the checkbook so mom wouldn't be writing checks, so I distracted mom my getting her to sit outside with me and my brother after finding her purse took the checkbook away from mom. As for my mom at night she would get up every couple of hours to use the rest room and I would wake up to make sure she didn't go out the door or decide to cook. Also my mom like to walk, so you had better be ready at any time during the day. I would be working on my lap top and all of a sudden she would walk out the door. One time I didn't have my shoes on and off she went. I finally got my shoes on and when I finally got out the door my mom was down the street at the corner and I could tell she was felt lost. She was standing there looking around. I started walking towards her and called her name and I could tell she looked relieved.

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My mom wraps her leftovers in a napkin for dad later even though he is sitting with us having dinner. I always take them from her and say I am putting them y the fridge but give them the dogs.

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Lots of things going on here, but most of them begin with diminished capacity -- dementia at least in an early stage.

Sometimes it's lack of boundaries -- she thinks of you as her 'kid' and forgets that you're an adult with your own goals, priorities, and plans for dinner and desert.

Sometimes it's fear of loss, or impulsiveness.

Some people who used food as a way of calming themselves develop a habit of going to the refrigerator, freezer, or cupboard whenever they feel the least stress ... and in dementia they're anxious all the time. They may know they can't remember, and they have trouble making sense of the environment. Add to that the fact that she may not remember having eaten just a few minutes ago.

Lying about it may be as sly and sneaky as it looks ... or it may be a symptom that dementia specialists call 'confabulation' -- the person recognizes that someone wants them to answer a question, but they have no idea what the truth is ... they don't want to look as foolish as they feel, so they make something up. Sometimes it looks like a bizarre example of the social white lie.

You know, like "Oh I'm so sorry I forgot your birthday, I had it on my calendar on the wrong date!" or "I'm afraid I can't go to your meeting, I have to work."

She may genuinely have no memory of even opening your freezer, much less taking something out of it.

I second the suggestion of looking in bizarre places just in case. Orange juice in the closet, shoes in the toaster, gloves in the freezer and ice cream under the bed. (sigh)

Good luck.

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Rich10,
Oh my! YES . I read this & said, I have to reply.
2 nites ago I felt the urge for one of MY choc bars. 4 left last I looked. GONE!! of course she didn't do it. But its only me & her.
Funny
She gets up & eats every nite.
All munchies are always put up high.
Very nornal. I caught get red handed with my whip creme can in HER MOUTH.
So. I put away anything i don't want eaten. In fact she didn't remember eating my ice creme sooo... bless her heart. She steals keys, photos, mail, clothes, silverware.
Good luck

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Oh yes! Must have the giant roll pack of potty paper! And light bulbs. Because those front porch and patio lights are on 24/7. Purse in oven? Check! Yes folks, Welcome to Dementia 101!

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Can you elaborate on the porch lights on 24/7. That's one of the obsessions my 90yr old grandma does. She's gotten beet red furious at me for turning them off in the middle of the night so they don't shine in my bedroom window. The excuse she gives me is "What if someone comes to visit and trips on the patio" "But grandma it's 3am, if anyone is sneaking around the house at 3am them tripping on a step is the least of my concerns"

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A) If she has dementia, she probably doesn’t even remember taking it. My mother couldn’t remember if she took her pills or ate breakfast. B) If she has dementia, she could be obsessing about running out of things. My mother obsesses about running out of toilet paper, and if there are not 24 mega-sized rolls available in her linen closet, she panics. She also loves ice cream, so I always have to make sure she has a bunch in the freezer. C) As one of the other comments suggested, check her apartment to make sure she hasn’t hidden the ice cream in the linen closet or something. I found potato chips in the refrigerator, the apartment keys hidden behind a photograph on the hutch, and her handbag in the oven. Nothing makes sense anymore.

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This past month I kept worrying about how many cans of mixed nuts my Mom was eating. Like 6 cans? ! She has now been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, they think about 10 years. My sister came to visit and found 3 cans hidden in her bedroom closet. All I could say was thank goodness because I thought I might be "going nuts" myself!

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Hoarding can be a problem as well as a sign of Dementia.
The fact that you are close and I am guessing "the door is always open" both ways she may feel that your house is just an extension of hers as will be anything that she wants at the moment.
I am wondering if she is taking 1 ice cream or a box? If she takes 1 or the box is she eating it then or putting it away, if putting it away is she putting ice cream in the freezer or does it end up in a drawer someplace?
The lying about it..if she feels that what is yours is also hers then she did not take "yours" it was hers.
You might want to get a locking freezer, refrigerator, cabinets for items you do not want to "go missing"
another option..
I would install security cameras in both your place and hers so you can monitor other unusual behavior or potentially dangerous behavior. Is she putting all her groceries away properly and safely? Is she leaving the stove on? Does she run the water and forget to turn it off? If she is a smoker does she fall asleep while smoking? Does she take her medications if any properly? Is she taking care of personal hygiene?

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Oh, rich and all - what stories. My mom thinks everyone is stealing from her - in a small house, where she can see us whenever we’re there. This week her nail clippers are missing and either I or my friend took them. The guy who does AC/heater visits ‘stole’ a couple reflector poles that are up in her attic. I’m not sure which is worse, but I feel for you! Now she won’t let me send that AC company anymore, nor several other contractors who’ve done a fine job and were nice to her. Their personal dramas unfold, and I try try every day not to judge. Hide your ice cream behind the peas and broccoli; good plan. :)

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My 94 yr old mother swears that someone breaks into her apartment (I. L.) and steals her package of Kraft cheese slices. Its happened about 3 times now. She's sure its either the apt manager, or my brother-in-law. It hadn't occurred to me that she might be putting it in a strange place... I figure she just eats it all and forgets that she has??? Someone broke in and stole her Dollar Store can opener, too...

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I agree with Ahmijoy that this could be a sign of dimentia. My MIL is in an assisted living and does have dimentia. When we visit her we often find food she has taken from the dining room hidden in dresser drawers.

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I think the most troubling part is the lying. I’ve noticed my own Mother has become very consistent at lying. Even blaming others for things she has done to shift the focus. The food stealing paired with that would really make me think it’s time for an assessment,

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But why an assessment? It is what it is. Just being aware of it, and figuring out work arounds is the best solution.

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I'm not sure what might be going on in the mind of your mum, my sis works in a facility and hoarding food is one of the problem behaviours that keep coming up. Some people would clean out all the snacks left in the common areas and their rooms were full of rotting fruit etc, I'm not sure if it comes from a past when food was hard to come by or if it is just a result of wanting something and then forgetting they have it, or maybe a little of both.

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In Moms AL they had an area set up with snacks and drinks. One of the CNAs told me to watch two of the women residents. They went to the snacks and pocketed everything and scurried back to their rooms. One of the male residents likes his cookies. They were taking the snacks so he wouldn't get them. So, when I went to McDonalds I would buy a pkg of cookies and take them to Harold. One of the cohorts even said "Where are my cookies". They get like children.

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I truly believe it is a sign of dementia. When I would visit my mother, in Memory Care, I would often find things in her room that didn’t belong to her. I know she went into other resident’s rooms because the nurses told me she’d try to get into bed with people. Once, before the smoke break, the aides set packs of cigarettes out on their desk in preparation of taking the residents who were smokers outside to smoke. My mom saw the packs and took them. She’s quit smoking decades earlier. When I discovered them in her room and asked her why she took them, she said she was going to give them to me, and she thought if we had visitors in our home we could offer them “a smoke”. I thanked her for thinking of me and our “guests” but asked her to please not take things that weren’t her’s. She also swiped a photo album from another’s room and then tried to figure out who all the people in it were.

If Mom has access to your home and she has become a “kleptomaniac”, I would not leave valuables out. My mom had a penchant for throwing things away, too. If you can’t afford to lose it, don’t leave it out.

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Hi,
Why not just buy her her owm? Get the same brand. Put it right where she can see it in her freezer.

Then hide your own, like behind the frozen peas and broccoli.

Its worth a shot....

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Is this a usual trait?

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