Moved in with MIL (86yo) 6 months ago. From California to LA. It was a promise my husband made his father. 3 days in she starts in with I stole her cigarettes. Then it’s been non stop we don’t do anything right. She falls quite often due to neuropathy and has had black eyes. She got covid in November which we nursed her back to health after a 5 day hospital stay. Now she says she was in prison (for the 14 days quarantine) and we’ve tried to poison her, we’ve switched her pills, on and on. One day a church lady we’ve never seen picks her up an takes her to an attorney. She is now trying to remove us from her home. She is living with this woman now but they are threatening to put a protective order against us to remove us (MIL donated her home to hers sons in 2019). No one is listening to us, she needs to be evaluated, she has all signs of dementia. She may have even had a brain injury from her falls. Horrible to us...sweet as pie to church people. Poison, jail, stealing from her. My husband saw her give this ‘church’ lady money....we say this is elder abuse as she has not contacted any family member and is guiding, and enabling a senior with dementia. How can we have her tested against her will?
If you are living in her house and have no proof of paying rent, they may be legally able to get you out, and at the very least can probably have you evicted, where MIL will need to fill out a form and submit it and a fee ($300-ish) at the courthouse. Then she posts a notice of eviction at the home and you have 30 days before they can call the cops and have you escorted out. This process varies from state to state so it may not go exactly like this, but there IS a legal process to get you out.
I'm sorry your husband made the fatal (but understandable) error of making the caregiving promise to his dad. 100% of people who make it have no idea what they are really getting into. FYI YOU are your husband's first priority, not his mother. It may be a blessing in disguise that the church lady has commandeered your MIL. She'll have her hands full eventually with the same accusations and threats as she continues to decline.
The other option is for your husband to pursue guardianship of his mom through the courts. This takes time and costs money (I've read maybe $10K). He can talk to social services to see if he can get emergency guardianship, but he will need to have some tangible proof of abuse (physical, financial, etc). Then what will he decide for her care if he wins? Do you want to live with the MIL and be her default caregiver for years? She now or soon will need MC, if her issue is indeed dementia. It can actually be another medical problem, like a UTI, over-medication, tumor, etc., and these should really be discounted first. I wish you success in having a calm, rational discussion with your husband about what is realistic in this dismaying situation, and peace in your hearts as you come to a conclusion.
But I would see an Elder Law Attorney and decide from there how much you wish to pursue this. Be certain to have with you evidence of her diagnosis of dementia. Without that, any fight over guardianship could run into the 1,000s in no time at all.
You may also consider a call to APS and opening a case of possible fraud, elder abuse, etc. Again, you need all the facts and evidence you can gather.
Good luck.
I don't know enough about what this church lady did with MIL but hopefully the elder abuse idea is not what is going on. People with dementia can be pretty convincing and that lady probably has no reason not to believe MIL when she is spinning her tales and asking for help.