OK... this may sound a bit superficial... BUT Before I brought Dad to live with me I did fitness competitions! I hiked, I lifted weights... I was in the gym at least 5 days a week. At first, I would try to prepare multiple meals but that got old very quickly. Once I put him in IL / AL I never really got back on track. Well, NO MORE. This leaves me in a slight pickle, however. Since Dad moved to my city, I started taking him to a local, greasy spoon diner. It just so happened to be my "cheat day" so I didn't think a pancake or two would hurt. Well, I don't know if it's dementia (routine) or Dad just likes the place, but I get up every Saturday morning and drag him to this diner. The thing is... it's a DINER. I have tried to find a healthy option or two on the menu, and no go (processed turkey sausage... egg white omelet drenched in butter...no oatmeal on the menu). Dad gets testy if I just have coffee (although I'd prefer my Starbucks to whatever weak concoction they are selling), and he eats better if I eat with him. The 25 pounds I've put on can't take the diner anymore, and honestly, I'm SICK of that food. I remember when I visited the diner when I did a cleanse last year, and the waitress rather rudely informed me that my green tea bag and green juice were NOT allowed, so I'm thinking it may not even be an option for me to bring my own food. I don't want to be rude to the staff, and I want Dad to be happy. Any suggestions on a happy medium?
And sorry I accidentally clicked the above post as helpful, it is anything but.
You can get a Egg White McMuffin at McDonalds that is 250 calories. Not the best choice, but, better than it sounds you're having at the diner. Wendy's has a breakfast menu too, but, even their oatmeal is higher in calories than the Egg While McMuffin. Of course, it's possible that one egg over easy with one piece of whole wheat toast plain, at the Diner, may have less than 250 calories.
I learned the art of pushing food around so that no one really noticed I wasn't eating it. (Same with drinks). There are ways to do this and watch your own health too.
You've gotten some good advice already.
Yes, you want to give Dad a little happiness. He loves the diner. But might he love another place also? What if you each choose every other week. He might always choose the diner, but maybe he'd like one of your choices. Can he understand the concept of taking turns and is he in a frame of mind to want to please you, too? (I mean he's not narcissistic, is he?) It might please him to be able to do something to please you.
It must feel really, really awful to have gained 25 pounds after being trim and fit. Good for you for being so conscientious about getting fit again! Are you back at the gym 5 days a week? Taking care of your health is understandably important to you, and it is something we tend to let go of as caregivers. So, really, good for you! But as others have said, this is only one meal out of 21 in the week. Since their food doesn't really appeal to you, restraining yourself shouldn't be hard. A poached egg on toast. A banana and dry cereal with skim milk. A salad with dressing on the side. You can figure something out so you are eating with Dad but not the same food he is.
I wish you success in meeting your goal!
I use to be a gym rat, too.... but once I had to concentrate on helping my parents, after 7 years of not going to the gym I had gained 20 pounds. Lot of it was stress, too, as I wasn't eating anything more.... it was the lack of exercise, as one doesn't get much sitting in doctor waiting rooms every other week :P
Honey rather than vinegar seems to work well when talking to people and it might just work. Failing that hunt out another diner that WILL accommodate you and take him there
Good on You Girl.
is the math - 500 extra calories x 7 meals = 1 pound. And high fat high sugar foods give you a "taste" for more. And some of those places do not even have skim milk, or they maybe have 2%. I would hope that maybe a talk with the management at Dad's favorite diner would let you sneak some of your own stuff in. Henry used to bring his own turkey sausage to a couple places that did not stock it so he could get a better breakfast and they would put it in a sandwich for him.
They say that one of the best ways to lose weight is to get all the higher-calorie temptation foods out of your house - and if you have ever been unable to do that because someone else in the house needs them, you know they are totally right! This is not easy to watch others to eat "regular" food while you try to eat what you really need to eat, and I think there really are better solutions than asking our poster to just suck it up or calling her selfish just for wanting some better ideas too!
Drink water and eat an apple before you go out; that will curb your appetite. Go for a brisk walk or work out after your meal. You have to burn more calories than you take in to lose weight.
Good Luck
Dad would not even consider going somewhere else Narcissism + Dementia = choosing my battles so I continued to suck it up and off to the diner we went.
I scoured the menu for healthy options I may have missed. The verdict: They do not serve oatmeal (only greasy grits - which are AWESOME but not in line with my fitness goals). I asked for an egg white omelette with veggies cooked in light (preferably NO) butter and you should have seen the stares. In fact, it took the waitress two visits to the kitchen and a manager visiting the table to clarify what I meant. Even then I felt like the "food snob" AND they ended up charging me twice as much for all of the substitutions!
I get it. A DINER isn't really geared towards healthy foods, so me coming in there all high and mighty with my egg white and green tea preference doesn't go over well.
...and I'm not completely rigid. I do enjoy cheat meals. I would just rather forego greasy breakfast for a burger and a beer later that evening, and in my world, dessert is WORTH the wait.
Sometimes I am challenged by essentially leaving behind everything I had before taking care of Dad for the sake of his happiness (translation - avoiding his angry outbursts). I feel like I've lost enough of myself in this journey... I would like to at least keep breakfast.
Final decision: Forget about the slice of chocolate cheesecake I really want and spend MY cheat day calories on a meal I want...for Daddy :(
And yes, I cooked breakfast in a "diner" for years.
THE diner. He would have poached eggs (that took 30min because it was 'special' ) and a glass of red wine YUCK!
I could never figure out what to eat because it was all fattening and tasted the same. I would have my 'cheat' beer and....... gee I cannot remember what i had.....
he died a few months ago...i miss my friend and my weight didnt change so i guess the diner wasnt the reason.