Mom has just accused me and my sister of stealing from her. We're talking about maybe $20 in cash and a handful of costume jewelry that wouldn't bring $10 bucks on its best day.
Mom has always had the Borderline Personality Disorder going and the dementia/Alzheimer's for the last 10 years. She is explosive, mean and abusive. There is no signed POA. We're it.
I've stuck with this thing about as far as I can. Has anyone just up and left? Walked out and never come back, said "to heck with this and let whatever happens, happen!"...Anyone?
Yes. When my sanity was still on the line after compromising my self-respect and trying every other option. Caregivers can't just walk away with a clear conscience. Should something bad happen while you're away, guilt will rent a big spot in your head; doesn't matter if you did the best you could with what you had.
I'm pretty sure your Mom's explosiveness and meanness is nothing new. It's probably been her MO all your life, but back then you probably believed all that abuse was well deserved. In addition, her current mental state seems to be enhancing what there was all along.
Don't just walk away. ... Sit down with your sister and figure something out (i.e. "housing options") before both lose your marbles and Mom ends up on S---t's Creek without a paddle.
Good luck Hank.
-- ED
Carol
The books are right - I can't fix her.
It's come to a point where all I'm doing now is enabling her to get away with bad behavior and that's not right either.
I have an appointment with her doctor and Mom will be there. (the doc hasn't been any help in the past so this may come to an end today with Mom kicking me out anyway, we'll see)
Even if your mom kicks you out you are still going to be dealing with this stuff later in one form or another.
My mom tried to kick me out and boy oh boy did I want to take her up on it! I knew I couldn't because I knew she was sick. She, by the way, had her doctor snowed also. You know the BPD! they are gooooooood. Real charmers when they want to be.
Good luck Hank. we know what you're going through believe it or not!
lovbob
My BP was 160 over 102. What does that tell ya?
It's all come to a head today. Mom crossed the line and I gave her the ultimatum to get a psychiatric evaluation or I would leave.
She then got into an argument with my sister and we called 911, both ambulance and police came out, checked her over and said there's not enough for them to act on.
I can't back out now, so I'm packing my bags. I told her I'd stay if she did the evaluation. She refuses.
I put my mother into her own apartment- I pre pay 6 months in advance and also hired a home health agency to do her errands. She was and is abusive to her children and grandchildren . Yes I wish it were different but it isn't going to be. Her greatist revenge is to leave all of us with the un resolved questions of why- and why not a change of heart and before she leaves this earthly world. She has managed to create chaos and heartache for so many of us.
I called her doctor, but I'm not sure her heart is in it. (Maybe I should have taken her to the hospital myself?)
My "trump card" worked once, it may not work again.