80 yr old MIL acts so frail fragile and weak but when pissed off she can fly down a flight of stairs with NO PROBLEM !! not even in need of the hand rail !! Most of the time she sleeps,90 % of the time !! the other 10 percent she is incapable of even walking to the bathroom. 100 % of the time she has her mind on MONEY and how to SPEND IT !! Is confused on bills and believes we OWE on items SHE IMIAGINES !! My ulcer finally broke loose a few days ago and because hubby ( pissed at me for wanting 20 minutes ALONE) refused to take me to the hospital so I ended up calling a squad. When the ambulance arrived she took off down the stairs to meet them in the driveway, didn't even need to hang on the railing of the stairs !!! Her ONLY comment to them is " this is going to cost $ 175 bucks" !! No concern for ME at all JUST MONEY that SHE don't have to spend !! I am SO at my end it's not even funny. Hubby is stuck right in the middle and says it's BOTH of us acting like 2 year olds. I'm a 2 year old for asking for 20 MINUTES ALONE !! LOL guess I'm guilty then cause when she pushes and pushes and pushes I either take 20 minutes ALONE or beat her senseless !! (which I would never do so I turn it inside and becomes a BLEEDING ULCER) Since I came home things are very strained, walking egg shells. Hubby has let her know that no matter how hard she pushes me, and HIM he will take her side so she knows she can continue to do so and is almost happy about it other than the sarcastic comments like I refuse to live like this or she needs to get out!!! trust me the thought of walking out has crossed my mind more than she (or he ) knows and if I had a place to go and a way to get there I'd be gone in a heart beat BUT... She can not be on her own she WILL end up in a nursing home, which the FAMILY refuses to do !! I've had a stroke several years ago due to Blood pressure and this round while at the hospital with ulcer was 216/ 128.. dangerously close to the one that caused CVA LAST time and all hubby can say is I'm acting like a 2 yr old for letting it get to me !! Today I was cleaning house she always sleeps in her chair in the LIVINGROOM and I was cleaning the bathroom off the hallway. She had been up less than 2 hours and decided to "nap" I had the light on while cleaning and she yelled at me " do you really need to turn that light on, you know I am sleeping in here. Well DUHHH yes I do need a light on to CLEAN !! I was cleaning the MIRROR and the rubbing of glass made a sound, although she is 85 % DEAF in both ears (so she claims) began screaming at me stop making that noise you're just doing it to bug me. Hubby who works the NIGHT shift 11pm to 7 am is today volunteering to work a DOUBLE just to get out of the house !! He gets up and tells me to STOP cleaning !! I am SO AT MY WITS END!!
Do you have kids that you could stay with for a while so you can find somewhere to live.
I hope the house you all live in does not belong to MIL. Please tell me that's not the case.
There is other family out there . Tell them don't ask for them to take MIL because you are no longer available.
Tell hubby the same thing.
Meals will be served at specific (reasonable ) times, take it or leave it. if she won't come to the table into the fridge it goes. Nothing till the next meal is due. No pound cake to nibble on.
It's not going to be easy but would you rather end up in a nursing home yourself not able to do anything for yourself. Yu can do it. you took the first step coming here so listen to the advice you receive.
Do you understand what you wrote? Look at the first part of the sentence, then compare it to that following the "BUT". She's not your responsibility.
Your husband also needs to "man up" and take responsibility - was he always a pushover for his mother? Girl, you're seriously being used and abused.
It's way past the time to look for the magic slipper and take your Cinderella self out of this toxic environment. If you're worried about your marriage, take a good look at it and do an honest assessment.
Not knowing what your financial situation is perhaps you can locate a senior center in your town - sign her up for dial a ride and let her go have lunch there and make some friends or join an activity - she might be sleeping out of boredom
If such a service is not available then contact social security and see if financial assistance is available for care for her - some extra money could be used to give you a break
If she's otherwise in good health - 80 is not old and this situation could last for years - is your husband an only child? Does he have siblings to take her for awhile ?